moving on...
Do you ever wish that you could start all over.... move away or go somewhere where no one knew you and they knew nothing about you or your past. they didn't grow up with you and they never talked to you or even knew your birthday? sometimes i wish that i could just go somewhere far away and escape the life i have. meet new people and start new conversations. try new things. i've been here all my life and im getting tired of doing the same things... tired of hanging out with the same people. people are changing. relationships are changing. people are not who they were. i wish i could go back to when everything was perfect. there were no hurt feelings.. only smiling and good memories. when did life get so complicated? when did we all grow up? most all my friends are graduating this year. they are either moving away to college or getting jobs.. they are starting their lives, and we will never have what we used to. its hard for me to imagine my life and friends any different now.. but i know its going to change. they are changing. we are drifting, we don't talk anymore, and our smiles are fake. i wish that i would have never gone to camp. something happened at camp to almost all of us and it makes my heart cry to know that things will never be back to where they used to. im trying. im trying to hold on to us and im trying to invision things as they were, but they're not. they're awkward and scared and confused. im going to be stuck here for one more year watching all of what we had falling apart. you were my life. im getting a new one. you were past and you are all still my present but im scared that we are not going to be my future. i remember being 12 and always so anxious to be apart of something so great. i idolized it and it turned out to be my greatest disapointment. even though i am not apart of whats going on with all of you, im on the sidelines, and im watching, and its really scaring me. But maybe this is all apart of life. 20 years from now i will look back and i will only ever remember the good times and the crazy things we did. and then a tear will fall with me only wishing that i could have them back.