Following one's heart
A friend wrote me an email and said "I really admire you for following your heart."
And then they apologised for making that comment!
I have also had a lot of people tell me I'm so brave.
I say: There is no wrong comment! Certainly not along those lines at least. To me it's a compliment.
I have obviously never given birth but I told Emma at some point "i wish I'd had kids to be able to have a pain comparison to help me explain what some of the pain I've had to cope with has been like".
The bravery issue... Now that a slightly different matter... Generally speaking I don't feel that brave but facing this pain and the 11 hours of general anaesthetic (when I had originally been told it would be 8 hours. Anaesthetic is always a risk, and even though I trusted Dr Zukowski 100%, putting myself in his hands was brave though I went in to that operating theatre with complete confidence.
So, bravery... Facing the pain... That'll I'll accept as a "bravery" issue. As I mentioned before in my blog, I have known what i believed to be extreme physical pain before but this experience has at times redefined physical pain for me!
The mental and emotional issues that this has created are something else again.
On the whole I have not had any mental/emotional pain from this journey but of course (some) people close to me who are seeing me (as someone they knew and loved) change are having their own challenges and then I get involved in that challenge and we have to work it out. And that can be very painful for both sides. Lord knows I have cried a lot over the last few weeks.
And then there is the issue or acquainting myself with my new face.
Every day I am performing these three times 30 minute massages on my face in front of a mirror. Doing that, apart from the "pain" of it (because Dr Zukowski said I had to be brutal when massaging myself) is also quite a learning experience in feeling my new face. It's not just about ageing. It's about all that has felt familiar (even of I didn't like it) feeling unfamiliar and learning to become familiar with it.
Ha ha! Listen to me! Am I getting heavy or what?!
I suppose the main issue is that I LIKE the result and AND (I hope) I never have to do it again.
Even with the swelling (I'm only mid way through week 3 post op) I do think it looks great and each day it improves. Dr Zukowski said I should wait till about week 4 to 6 to really begin to see the new face and of course swelling goes down over months not days.
Bruises are a day-by-day change but the swelling is much slower but today (Saturday) I begin my ibuprofen regimen in addition to all the other treatment. It will be interesting to see what it does to what's been going on already.
Ok journal (and readers, if there are any of you out there?!) I'm going to see if I can sleep just a little more.
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