Ahem, you're the only person I can depend on and you say you're sick and tired of me... Of course I want to go and meet you someplace, but when I try to call to tell you when I thought we could go to the movies, you either don' return my calls or aren't home. I can't see you ever, I can only talk to you on the phone, and even then, half the time you don't even pickup... You're the only person I really love Tori-Chan, but you keep drifting, and anytime I try to talk to you about something, you get mad at me, I'm so sorry for all the guilt I've caused... I just don't want to be part of your life anymore, it's not worth it, the only thing I do is make you feel guilty, I'm worth nothing... I know you hate it when I put myself down but what in Rathma's name can I honestly say that I do right? I plague you with guilt, I dissapoint my parents, I push away my friends, I scare children, I snap, I'm harsh, I don't remember the last time I even played with my sister because she fucking hates me!
Tell Tori-Chan, what can I do when the only person I thought I could depend on tells me she is sick and tired of me depending on her? What have I got left? I have nothing left to offer, noone left to love, nothing left to take care of me except myself...
I died that day, but I've put you through enough guilt, so I won't kill myself, I know you, if I do, I know you'll blame yourself, and I won't be there to tell you otherwise... I am anxious to die... I don't want to be a part of this world, this world that has nothing to offer a human soul reaching for the sky...
I'm sorry, I failed you...
And don't say you fucking care because you didn't mention you missed me in your last entry, you named pretty much everyone but me, you say you want to be best of friends but you don't even miss me now? Either stop lying to me or start upholding your word...
But you fail to mention the times that we actually DO talk on the phone..funny...and just to tell you...although i probably shouldn't be saying this and it's not guilt you caused me, I caused it myself...but since the other day when I said that to you I've felt so bad, it's one of the things I can't get off my mind... I think the only reason I said it, was because I had friends around me...they made me feel strong...I know how pathetic that sounds, but it's true...I even wrote a poem...but that's not important... Dude...i soo didn't say i was sick and tired of you deoending on me...i said that I'm not always gonna be here for you to depend on me....get it right:P And you say that you're not worth anything...well not in my eyes, and you know that...because I've told you more than once my friend... When you say you don't want to be a part of my life anymore, I can hardly believe that...it's just what you're telling me, cuz you think it'll make me happy...but it doesn't. If you wanna leave this place so bad..go ahead and do it...I'm probably going to miss you the most, you know it...but if you hate life so much...I don't want to make you suffer by "making" you stay here...but I'll miss your smile(when you do smile) and making you blush(so cute) and all the good convos we've had...I could always talk to you about anything...even if it was about guys and I knew it was hurting you inside...but you always told me to go ahead...you were always there to listen to me.. You know the other night when I yelled at you...it took that to make me realise...but w.e I'll shut up...cuz I dunno you might not wanna hear it... well I'm glad I wrote that...had to get it off my chest...:P I'm not flat anymore:P you can't make fun of me:P well,,,you know i love you(friends) bye(K)(L) Tori
Tell Tori-Chan, what can I do when the only person I thought I could depend on tells me she is sick and tired of me depending on her? What have I got left? I have nothing left to offer, noone left to love, nothing left to take care of me except myself...
I died that day, but I've put you through enough guilt, so I won't kill myself, I know you, if I do, I know you'll blame yourself, and I won't be there to tell you otherwise... I am anxious to die... I don't want to be a part of this world, this world that has nothing to offer a human soul reaching for the sky...
I'm sorry, I failed you...
And don't say you fucking care because you didn't mention you missed me in your last entry, you named pretty much everyone but me, you say you want to be best of friends but you don't even miss me now? Either stop lying to me or start upholding your word...
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I think the only reason I said it, was because I had friends around me...they made me feel strong...I know how pathetic that sounds, but it's true...I even wrote a poem...but that's not important...
Dude...i soo didn't say i was sick and tired of you deoending on me...i said that I'm not always gonna be here for you to depend on me....get it right:P
And you say that you're not worth anything...well not in my eyes, and you know that...because I've told you more than once my friend...
When you say you don't want to be a part of my life anymore, I can hardly believe that...it's just what you're telling me, cuz you think it'll make me happy...but it doesn't.
If you wanna leave this place so bad..go ahead and do it...I'm probably going to miss you the most, you know it...but if you hate life so much...I don't want to make you suffer by "making" you stay here...but I'll miss your smile(when you do smile) and making you blush(so cute) and all the good convos we've had...I could always talk to you about anything...even if it was about guys and I knew it was hurting you inside...but you always told me to go ahead...you were always there to listen to me..
You know the other night when I yelled at you...it took that to make me realise...but w.e I'll shut up...cuz I dunno you might not wanna hear it...
well I'm glad I wrote that...had to get it off my chest...:P I'm not flat anymore:P you can't make fun of me:P
well,,,you know i love you(friends)
bye(K)(L)
Tori
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