“Cognitive Dissonance”
I was planning on doing a running diary of every day of the ski trip for all of you but I realized two things early on: That I had packed my pen and notebook in my duffle bag and I wasn’t going to ask to stop the car so I could get it out. Secondly, it would be difficult to carry a pen and notebook down a mountain on skis when I can’t even balance on skis in the first place. I would have to re-recreate entire portions in a gonzo-journalistic manner which isn’t really my favorite thing to do (it wouldn’t have been very difficult in retrospect, because basically every other thought I had while skiing was a cuss word). So instead of a highly detailed recap full of snark, sarcasm and a touch of self-deprecating humor you get…A few comments of snark, sarcasm and a touch of self-deprecating humor. Hey you sleep in the bed you made right?
I neglected to tell Caitlin that when I went skiing 10 years ago with my parents and sisters that they never taught me how to ski (they didn’t know how). I also neglected to tell her that during that ski session that I was never put on anything but bunny slopes. So, basically my first skiing run was basically the equivalent of being drug up a mountain and falling all the way down. Fortunately, no videotape exists.
My comment immediately afterward: “You know, instead of going skiing we could just dress me up in all the gear and I could go find a walk-in freezer…And I could run into the walls and fall into the ground a couple dozen times. It would be a lot cheaper too. I can even swear a lot for effect.”
On my second run I had fall so colossal that they could’ve put one of those NFL punt ‘Hang Time’ meters on it to measure it. I got a bit lost (as ridiculous as that sounds) and ended up on a ‘blue’ level course instead of the greenest of the green course I was supposed to be on. I took this turn a bit fast and ended had to be in the air for around three seconds. When I hit the ground I screamed without even the slightest conscious thought “F**K NUGGETS!” In front of a small child. But it either must have been a truly hellacious fall or the parent just didn’t hear what I said because he immediately came up and asked me if I was okay. (That’s another thing, but the skiers at Vail are really nice. Four or five separate people came up to help me.)
A bit of advice for anyone planning on skiing who has a limited or no skiing background: If you aren’t good at ice skating, skateboarding…Etc but grew up on basketball, football or baseball you’re going to be overconfident in your own agility and movement abilities (not that this was me or anything). The major difference? In basketball/baseball/football lateral movement is key, and the most effective way to move laterally is by shifting the weight in your hips. In skating/skiing, quick lateral movement essentially doesn’t exist. Shifting your body weight around in your hips doesn’t do a damn thing, it’s all about shifting in your quads/knees and it took me about 12 falls to realize this (normally that number would be arbitrary and hyperbole, however unfortunately in this instance I really did fall that many times and more.) Even though I was told this, being told how to do something is always entirely different from performing it when you’ve been doing it another way for the entirety of your life.
Here’s my class schedule for all of my stalkers in the audience:
Monday: Marketing 404 (9:30 A.M. - 10:45 A.M), Management 360 (11:00 A.M. -12:15 A.M.), International Business 333 (7:05 P.M. - 9:45 P.M.)
Tuesday: Finance 300 (8:00 A.M. - 9:15 A.M.), Business Statistics (9:30 A.M.- 11:15 A.M.)
Wednesday: Marketing 404 (9:30 A.M. - 10:45 A.M), Management 360 (11:00 A.M. -12:15 A.M.)
Thursday: Finance 300 (8:00 A.M. - 9:15 A.M.), Business Statistics (9:30 A.M.- 11:15 A.M.)
Friday: I never have class on Friday. Fuck that.
The Colts/Patriots game was an instant classic and while I had to watch it at my mommy’s house (which is in essence like watching it by myself) due to the fact that I only get two channels clear here. Casey and I exchanged text’s throughout the game…These are entirely more amusing now. I put what was actually going on at the time of the game in [ ] before the actual text message for clarity’s sake:
Me 6:05 - [The Patriots running back fumbled near the goal line and one of the Pat’s offensive linemen fell on it for a TD.] I hate this already.
Casey 6:09- I refuse to believe in any god that would let the pats do what they do.
Me 6:42 - [Colts QB Peyton Manning has his pass intercepted for a Pats TD] I hate everything in the world.
Casey 6:43- I dunno if I like football anymore.
Me 6:45 - I’m about to stop watching this before I get more depressed.
Casey 6:46- Me too.
(I wasn’t saying this in jest when it happened, I was legitimately sad. Strange thing was, Casey was too, and neither of us are even Colts fans. Why were we so emotionally invested in this? Score 21-3 at this point, we both stop watching the game. Casey went and watched the Simpsons for the next hour while I ate dinner…When we tuned back in after, the Colts were back in it down 21-6 and on the Patriots goal line.)
Me 7:58 - [Manning throws TD pass to some huge white guy no one has ever seen before] Tackle eligible play?
Casey 7:59- Defensive end/tight end? Who cares? It’s tied!
Me 8:02 - [On the ensuing kickoff Pats kick returner takes it nearly 80 yards for a touchdown] Dammit!
Casey 8:23- Let’s hope Colts special teams holds this time.
Me 8:24 - Colts finally had a break go their way…I like their odds from here on out.
Casey 8:42- #87 has bug eyes (#87 is Reche Caldwell, and he really does have bug eyes) (http://www.gatorzone.com/football/images/bioimg2001/jersey/Caldwell_R-jersey.jpg)
Me 8:43 - [Caldwell then gets roughed up pretty badly and drops the TD pass] Haha Mr. Bug Eyes just got molested and they didn’t call it.
Casey 8:45- The pats only getting a field goal out of that is a positive.
Me 8:46 - Agreed. Now Manning and Wayne need to not fall over everywhere this drive.
Me 8:46 - [TE Dallas Clark has a 40+ yard catch and run] Dallas Clark!
Casey 8:46- Dallas Mofuckin’ Clark!
Casey 8:47- That was coincidental… (Colts end up getting a field goal out of this drive).
Casey 8:52- [Pats TE Daniel Graham catches 20+ yard pass in double coverage] Who the fuck is Graham?
Me 8:53 - TE….Former first round pick I think.
Me 8:54 - [Pats kicker hits 45 yard field goal to keep the lead for the Pats] I haven’t seen this new guy miss one yet. He has pumpkin-sized nuts.
Casey 9:05- Redemption for #81.
Me 9:05 - [Reggie Wayne catches a pass, runs 20 yards and nearly fumbles it at the end] If Wayne dropped that one I would’ve cried.
Casey 9:07- I almost shit myself.
Me 9:09 - They should run down the clock as far as they can when they try to score. Take the FG if you have to…don’t let Brady have the ball with the game on the line.
Casey 9:10- I know, they have way too much time.
Me 9:11 - [Joseph Addai runs for a touchdown to give the Colts the lead with 1:12 left to play] TD COLTS
Me 9:13 - Pats just got the ball and the crowd is completely silent. No one feels safe with Brady in there.
Casey 9:14- I wish he would hit me in the slot.
Me 9:17 - [Pats QB Tom Brady throws an interception] Yes!
Casey 9:17- YES!
Me 9:20 - I’d give your sweet ass a celebration slap if you were here!
Casey 9:21- Back at you.
Six Things I Thought About While Trying To Find A Cheap Copy of The Prince:
I’m pretty sure the reason I was rooting so hard for the Colts is because I want to see Peyton Manning win a Super Bowl (Casey was rooting for the Colts because in his words the Patriots are a bunch of ‘Pagan worshipping puppy killers’). Honestly though, Manning is the antithesis of every QB you’ve ever imagined. He’s more than a bit dorky, awkward looking, probably lacks leadership and visibly sulks when things are going poorly. Yet he’s still the best QB statistically of our generation. I’m just glad the Colts won or else Manning and the entire Colts fan base would’ve been more depressed than Morrisey when he wrote ‘Your Arsenal’. Hell, even more depressed than Dostoevsky when he wrote Notes From the Underground.
During the game Casey texts me ‘I refuse to believe in any god that would let the pats do what they do.’ Well, frankly I’d be more concerned if god cared about something as inherently meaningless as a sporting event….And let’s something like Katrina happen or allows flesh eating bacteria to exist, but I digress. If god does exist, and cares about football, I refuse to believe that he’ll let Rex Grossman win a Super Bowl before Peyton Manning does.
One more football related item and then I promise I’m done: I invented a Super Bowl drinking game. Every time Bears QB Rex Grossman completes a pass, you drink a ‘shot’ of beer. Now normally this would result in whoever was playing being obscenely drunk. However, since Grossman completed only 21 passes in the divisional playoffs, and only 11 passes in the conference championship, not to mention he is an awful QB, you probably only would have to drink 3-4 beers. (So who’s going to hold a Super Bowl party so I can actually watch the game?)
College Tradition That Is Stupid, #76: Emphasis on writing extremely long and detailed papers. Being able to research and describe something thoroughly is nice, but in the real world, especially business world, succinctness is more effective. If you had to write a report for your boss and you handed them a 15-page paper with a list of cited sources, they would probably look at you like you threw a strangled goose on their desk. All they want to know about is ‘What is the Problem and how do I fix it?’. That’s all that matters.
Does anyone know a good way to find out if or confront someone about avoiding you? Because obviously, if they are good at it, you won't be able to see them to ask. And even if you just ask in a very straight forward sort of manner they can just say 'no, of course not, why do you think that?!?!' I can't think of any sneaky way to approach this.
Today at school I learned that professors with doctorates don’t like being corrected by 20 year olds. In my Mgmt 360 class my professor was lecturing over ‘machiavellism’ and basically described it as when a manager is a control freak, bossing everyone around trying to achieve power in an organization. This is completely wrong, but I waited until after class to go to talk to her:
Me: “Hi, I don’t mean to be rude but I think you’re teaching Machiavellism wrong. Could you go over the definition you went over in the lecture again?”
Professor Knoblauch: “Sure. Machiavellism is about managers strictly taking over situations and acquiring as much control as possible. The military is a good example.”
Me: “I didn’t want to bring this up in front of 50 people, but you’re teaching Machiavellism wrong. The Prince (Machiavelli’s defining work) is one of my favorite books. Machiavellism isn’t when a person is a control freak, or bossing everyone else around. Machiavellism is in essence that any actions taken, however inherently immoral, are justified as long as the goal itself is moral.”
PK: “That is simply taking control over a situation to the excess.”
Me: “It’s different though. Machiavelli argued that a person in power should take whatever actions are necessary to stay in power. You know the phrase ‘the ends justify the means?’. That’s because of Machiavelli.”
PK: “A manager taking as much control as possible is no different than someone taking whatever actions they have to stay in control. It’s just on a much smaller scale.”
Whatever. You can never teach teachers anything anyway.
I neglected to tell Caitlin that when I went skiing 10 years ago with my parents and sisters that they never taught me how to ski (they didn’t know how). I also neglected to tell her that during that ski session that I was never put on anything but bunny slopes. So, basically my first skiing run was basically the equivalent of being drug up a mountain and falling all the way down. Fortunately, no videotape exists.
My comment immediately afterward: “You know, instead of going skiing we could just dress me up in all the gear and I could go find a walk-in freezer…And I could run into the walls and fall into the ground a couple dozen times. It would be a lot cheaper too. I can even swear a lot for effect.”
On my second run I had fall so colossal that they could’ve put one of those NFL punt ‘Hang Time’ meters on it to measure it. I got a bit lost (as ridiculous as that sounds) and ended up on a ‘blue’ level course instead of the greenest of the green course I was supposed to be on. I took this turn a bit fast and ended had to be in the air for around three seconds. When I hit the ground I screamed without even the slightest conscious thought “F**K NUGGETS!” In front of a small child. But it either must have been a truly hellacious fall or the parent just didn’t hear what I said because he immediately came up and asked me if I was okay. (That’s another thing, but the skiers at Vail are really nice. Four or five separate people came up to help me.)
A bit of advice for anyone planning on skiing who has a limited or no skiing background: If you aren’t good at ice skating, skateboarding…Etc but grew up on basketball, football or baseball you’re going to be overconfident in your own agility and movement abilities (not that this was me or anything). The major difference? In basketball/baseball/football lateral movement is key, and the most effective way to move laterally is by shifting the weight in your hips. In skating/skiing, quick lateral movement essentially doesn’t exist. Shifting your body weight around in your hips doesn’t do a damn thing, it’s all about shifting in your quads/knees and it took me about 12 falls to realize this (normally that number would be arbitrary and hyperbole, however unfortunately in this instance I really did fall that many times and more.) Even though I was told this, being told how to do something is always entirely different from performing it when you’ve been doing it another way for the entirety of your life.
Here’s my class schedule for all of my stalkers in the audience:
Monday: Marketing 404 (9:30 A.M. - 10:45 A.M), Management 360 (11:00 A.M. -12:15 A.M.), International Business 333 (7:05 P.M. - 9:45 P.M.)
Tuesday: Finance 300 (8:00 A.M. - 9:15 A.M.), Business Statistics (9:30 A.M.- 11:15 A.M.)
Wednesday: Marketing 404 (9:30 A.M. - 10:45 A.M), Management 360 (11:00 A.M. -12:15 A.M.)
Thursday: Finance 300 (8:00 A.M. - 9:15 A.M.), Business Statistics (9:30 A.M.- 11:15 A.M.)
Friday: I never have class on Friday. Fuck that.
The Colts/Patriots game was an instant classic and while I had to watch it at my mommy’s house (which is in essence like watching it by myself) due to the fact that I only get two channels clear here. Casey and I exchanged text’s throughout the game…These are entirely more amusing now. I put what was actually going on at the time of the game in [ ] before the actual text message for clarity’s sake:
Me 6:05 - [The Patriots running back fumbled near the goal line and one of the Pat’s offensive linemen fell on it for a TD.] I hate this already.
Casey 6:09- I refuse to believe in any god that would let the pats do what they do.
Me 6:42 - [Colts QB Peyton Manning has his pass intercepted for a Pats TD] I hate everything in the world.
Casey 6:43- I dunno if I like football anymore.
Me 6:45 - I’m about to stop watching this before I get more depressed.
Casey 6:46- Me too.
(I wasn’t saying this in jest when it happened, I was legitimately sad. Strange thing was, Casey was too, and neither of us are even Colts fans. Why were we so emotionally invested in this? Score 21-3 at this point, we both stop watching the game. Casey went and watched the Simpsons for the next hour while I ate dinner…When we tuned back in after, the Colts were back in it down 21-6 and on the Patriots goal line.)
Me 7:58 - [Manning throws TD pass to some huge white guy no one has ever seen before] Tackle eligible play?
Casey 7:59- Defensive end/tight end? Who cares? It’s tied!
Me 8:02 - [On the ensuing kickoff Pats kick returner takes it nearly 80 yards for a touchdown] Dammit!
Casey 8:23- Let’s hope Colts special teams holds this time.
Me 8:24 - Colts finally had a break go their way…I like their odds from here on out.
Casey 8:42- #87 has bug eyes (#87 is Reche Caldwell, and he really does have bug eyes) (http://www.gatorzone.com/football/images/bioimg2001/jersey/Caldwell_R-jersey.jpg)
Me 8:43 - [Caldwell then gets roughed up pretty badly and drops the TD pass] Haha Mr. Bug Eyes just got molested and they didn’t call it.
Casey 8:45- The pats only getting a field goal out of that is a positive.
Me 8:46 - Agreed. Now Manning and Wayne need to not fall over everywhere this drive.
Me 8:46 - [TE Dallas Clark has a 40+ yard catch and run] Dallas Clark!
Casey 8:46- Dallas Mofuckin’ Clark!
Casey 8:47- That was coincidental… (Colts end up getting a field goal out of this drive).
Casey 8:52- [Pats TE Daniel Graham catches 20+ yard pass in double coverage] Who the fuck is Graham?
Me 8:53 - TE….Former first round pick I think.
Me 8:54 - [Pats kicker hits 45 yard field goal to keep the lead for the Pats] I haven’t seen this new guy miss one yet. He has pumpkin-sized nuts.
Casey 9:05- Redemption for #81.
Me 9:05 - [Reggie Wayne catches a pass, runs 20 yards and nearly fumbles it at the end] If Wayne dropped that one I would’ve cried.
Casey 9:07- I almost shit myself.
Me 9:09 - They should run down the clock as far as they can when they try to score. Take the FG if you have to…don’t let Brady have the ball with the game on the line.
Casey 9:10- I know, they have way too much time.
Me 9:11 - [Joseph Addai runs for a touchdown to give the Colts the lead with 1:12 left to play] TD COLTS
Me 9:13 - Pats just got the ball and the crowd is completely silent. No one feels safe with Brady in there.
Casey 9:14- I wish he would hit me in the slot.
Me 9:17 - [Pats QB Tom Brady throws an interception] Yes!
Casey 9:17- YES!
Me 9:20 - I’d give your sweet ass a celebration slap if you were here!
Casey 9:21- Back at you.
Six Things I Thought About While Trying To Find A Cheap Copy of The Prince:
I’m pretty sure the reason I was rooting so hard for the Colts is because I want to see Peyton Manning win a Super Bowl (Casey was rooting for the Colts because in his words the Patriots are a bunch of ‘Pagan worshipping puppy killers’). Honestly though, Manning is the antithesis of every QB you’ve ever imagined. He’s more than a bit dorky, awkward looking, probably lacks leadership and visibly sulks when things are going poorly. Yet he’s still the best QB statistically of our generation. I’m just glad the Colts won or else Manning and the entire Colts fan base would’ve been more depressed than Morrisey when he wrote ‘Your Arsenal’. Hell, even more depressed than Dostoevsky when he wrote Notes From the Underground.
During the game Casey texts me ‘I refuse to believe in any god that would let the pats do what they do.’ Well, frankly I’d be more concerned if god cared about something as inherently meaningless as a sporting event….And let’s something like Katrina happen or allows flesh eating bacteria to exist, but I digress. If god does exist, and cares about football, I refuse to believe that he’ll let Rex Grossman win a Super Bowl before Peyton Manning does.
One more football related item and then I promise I’m done: I invented a Super Bowl drinking game. Every time Bears QB Rex Grossman completes a pass, you drink a ‘shot’ of beer. Now normally this would result in whoever was playing being obscenely drunk. However, since Grossman completed only 21 passes in the divisional playoffs, and only 11 passes in the conference championship, not to mention he is an awful QB, you probably only would have to drink 3-4 beers. (So who’s going to hold a Super Bowl party so I can actually watch the game?)
College Tradition That Is Stupid, #76: Emphasis on writing extremely long and detailed papers. Being able to research and describe something thoroughly is nice, but in the real world, especially business world, succinctness is more effective. If you had to write a report for your boss and you handed them a 15-page paper with a list of cited sources, they would probably look at you like you threw a strangled goose on their desk. All they want to know about is ‘What is the Problem and how do I fix it?’. That’s all that matters.
Does anyone know a good way to find out if or confront someone about avoiding you? Because obviously, if they are good at it, you won't be able to see them to ask. And even if you just ask in a very straight forward sort of manner they can just say 'no, of course not, why do you think that?!?!' I can't think of any sneaky way to approach this.
Today at school I learned that professors with doctorates don’t like being corrected by 20 year olds. In my Mgmt 360 class my professor was lecturing over ‘machiavellism’ and basically described it as when a manager is a control freak, bossing everyone around trying to achieve power in an organization. This is completely wrong, but I waited until after class to go to talk to her:
Me: “Hi, I don’t mean to be rude but I think you’re teaching Machiavellism wrong. Could you go over the definition you went over in the lecture again?”
Professor Knoblauch: “Sure. Machiavellism is about managers strictly taking over situations and acquiring as much control as possible. The military is a good example.”
Me: “I didn’t want to bring this up in front of 50 people, but you’re teaching Machiavellism wrong. The Prince (Machiavelli’s defining work) is one of my favorite books. Machiavellism isn’t when a person is a control freak, or bossing everyone else around. Machiavellism is in essence that any actions taken, however inherently immoral, are justified as long as the goal itself is moral.”
PK: “That is simply taking control over a situation to the excess.”
Me: “It’s different though. Machiavelli argued that a person in power should take whatever actions are necessary to stay in power. You know the phrase ‘the ends justify the means?’. That’s because of Machiavelli.”
PK: “A manager taking as much control as possible is no different than someone taking whatever actions they have to stay in control. It’s just on a much smaller scale.”
Whatever. You can never teach teachers anything anyway.