PerfectionrussellbrunerSeptember 28 2004, 10:06:33 UTC
True love is defined and found by people in many different ways. I really enjoyed reading your take on the subject.
Hearing you describe two people that fit together perfectly was pretty entertaining because many people would associate that "perfect fit" with you and Katie. Obviously you two would disagree because the two of you have a different idea of a perfect fit in regards to people that are in a romantic relationship, but for many people that's closer then they will ever get to matching up with someone as perfectly as you two do.
Having the standard of perfection that you have as the only option and a prerequisite for getting together with someone would certainly bring the divorce rate down, but it would also leave a lot of people single for a very long time!
It seems that you have the opinion that anything less then perfect is a waste of time. Would that make my entire life just a pointless charade until the blessed day I meet that special someone that fits me perfectly? I would agree that I certainly wish that I could get back the time, the energy, and the portion of my love that went into relationships that didn't last forever. But I still wouldn't look to them as a waste of time. In each relationship I have with someone I come out with a different view of self worth and value in others.
Because of this, my view of what I look for in a relationship with someone is progressive and changes as the years go by. What I thought was perfect in High School is certainly different from what I view as perfect now.
Finding true love is a mysterious thing and often doesn't happen as planned.
It's a shame to see two people get together that are such an obvious mismatch, but who knows maybe there's something to it that they will get out of it that will make it not a waste of time.
There's my thought. Thanks for reading.
BTW I think you wanted to say "vis versa" not "visa visa" But I could be wrong... I'm not sure.
Re: Perfectionjedi_marrikalaSeptember 28 2004, 11:37:42 UTC
Would that be "visA versa" Russ? ;-)
I'm going to add some more thoughts to this.
My first thought after reading Vic's post was, "how can you not say your a romantic Vic?" But let me explain. I don't mean one of those sappy, cry's at the slightest thing romantic, roses and champagne type of romantic. (all though you might be that too, don't know you well enough to know yet) You're holding out for true love. That, in a sense, definately makes you a romantic! And that's a very good thing.
Russ - just my thoughts on what you said. I don't know if you have any clue who I am, but my name is Ruthie and we dance together at the Nocturnal whenever we both happen to make it out. Anyway, I agree with you that past relationships aren't just a plain waste of time. Hopefully you learn from each one. I've only been in a couple, and both of them left me with pain and frustration, but I learned something. I wish I hadn't been in either of those positions because I personally feel that I made some major mistakes (not physically, just with the relationship as a whole), BUT I also know that I'm a better person from both of those relationships. I know who I am better, and I know more about how love works. Not an authority by any stretch of the imagination, but I know more.
I agree with you that it's pretty entertaining to read Vic's comments knowing that many people thing him and Katie would be perfect. But what's perfect as friends doesn't always make perfect as a couple. I know that one too well. One of my friends, Erik, was my best friend for a long time. We did tons of stuff together. I helped him throw parties. I helped his mother throw him a surprise party. We went to the movies. We went to dinner. We hung out, laughed togehter, and cried together. But I'd never be interested in him as anything more. Well, to make a long story short, he and my room mate will be engaged shortly (shhhhhhhhh, it's a secret!) and I couldn't be happier for him, because we fit as friends/brother and sister, but not as romantically involved. Ya know?
Anyway, that was kinda random and not my point.
I think both you and Vic are right. Yeah, I know, that's kinda a contradiction, but bear with me. Personally I want to hold out for that perfect someone. The one who will understand me, and I will understand. The person that can be my "other half" in every sense of the word just as I am for them. I want it to be magical. I seriously doubt I know him right now. Sometimes that's pretty depressing, BUT, I don't want to settle for anything less. Having said that, sometimes people get married who aren't that magical fit and have wonderful lives. I've known people who grew into their love, some of them after 30 years of marriage. I've also known some people who had an arrainged marriage, they didn't know each other and their parents arraigned everything! Pretty freaky huh? Yes, it still happens. And love still works.
Part of the equation that most people forget is that love is a commitment. It's saying, "someday, these fireworks will fade. We'll have a baby burping up over everthing. I'll lose my job. We'll both lose our beauty to the ravages of age. But I don't care. I'm going to love you even when you act unlovable. I'm commited to spend the rest of my life making YOUR life better. And we will work it out, no matter what happens." When both parties are willing to make that type of commitment, you can make it work. Wether your love was that perfect something or not.
Is it easier if the fireworks are there and you ARE that perfect match? Oh yeah! Is it absolutely neccesary? No. Is the perfect match going to look exactly as you dreamed? Often, it won't.
And that's my 2 cents. (or 50 cents if you think I talked a long time!)
Re: PerfectionrussellbrunerOctober 1 2004, 09:07:10 UTC
I know who you are. I'm not very good at remembering names, but I think your's stuck after about the 5th time I asked.
I didn't write this to be a contradiction, but I guess it did come out that way. I really just wanted to put in my .02, shed some new light, and that sort of thing.
I liked what you had to say. I'll look forward to seeing you out dancing this weekend. Hopefully I'll see you out. Save me a dance.
Re: Perfectionjedi_marrikalaOctober 1 2004, 10:18:31 UTC
Don't worry about it, it didn't seem like your were being to contradictory, just.....debate, and thoughts? Something like that. So I added my two cents too!
I should be there on Sunday, and don't worry, I always save ya a dance!
Re: PerfectionvicticiousSeptember 28 2004, 13:44:09 UTC
Russ! I'm glad you said this. I agree that a less than perfect relationship isn't a complete waste of time because we do learn SO much from them - I'm thankful for all the stupid relationships I've been in because, like you said, I wouldn't have as clear of an idea what I want now. But I think there's a point when you become wise enough not to be fooled by infatuation anymore, and to want to rise to the next level and stop getting into relationships that aren't going to work.. especially people my age, we're still developing at such a fast rate that in a year two people that would have been great together at the time a year ago could develop into people that wouldn't be good for each other and visa visa (I actually did mean to say that=) And at this age, people have the capacity to be very serious in approching relationships and often want to get married very soon, but not the wisdom to wait for the right person so millions of stupid marriages start that only end in a life of hardship and lonliness and working through extreme differences CONSTANTLY, or divorce.. or like Ruthie said, in some rare cases some of those things that start off stupid can mold into something awesome like 30 years down the road, but that is rare
I mean, right now I'm constantly learning and realizing more and more what a right relationship looks like, and I haven't been romantic with anyone in.. dang, 5 years? Maybe 4.. Just from paying attention and watching others and growing in myself and in my relationship with God, I am constantly gaining a better understanding of what kind of girl I can even be attracted to, and what a beautiful relationship is. What I'm saying is, it isn't necessary to keep trying till you find the right one I think a big break from "the field" =) is one of the best things we can do to ready ourselves for a for real relationship
Re: PerfectionrockettestarNovember 10 2004, 23:58:38 UTC
My comment: http://www.livejournal.com/users/victicious/36746.html?thread=155274#t155274 So with all that said- (not that you are nessarily saying vic and I are perfect for each other...but you did bring it up so that gives me reason to rant ) Vic and I are not perfect for each other, we are not soul mates. We are really good close friends, but it is not romantic. Its ridiculous to say just because he is a man and I am a woman, and we fit together as friends that we are perfect for each other just because we are of the opposite sex. Megan and I fit perfectly together, but no one would say we should marry each other...its the same thing with Vic and I. Of course it is a different because man/woman friendships are different than woman/woman relationships, but still. For there to be true 'romantic' love, there must be attraction there (on all levels), there must be chemistry there on both sides. Attraction is one thing I can't explain, and that is the mysterious part of true love to me. Another example, Matt and I have been super close friends who adore each other for years and years but we have never remotly had a crush on each other since 7th grade.
Hearing you describe two people that fit together perfectly was pretty entertaining because many people would associate that "perfect fit" with you and Katie. Obviously you two would disagree because the two of you have a different idea of a perfect fit in regards to people that are in a romantic relationship, but for many people that's closer then they will ever get to matching up with someone as perfectly as you two do.
Having the standard of perfection that you have as the only option and a prerequisite for getting together with someone would certainly bring the divorce rate down, but it would also leave a lot of people single for a very long time!
It seems that you have the opinion that anything less then perfect is a waste of time. Would that make my entire life just a pointless charade until the blessed day I meet that special someone that fits me perfectly? I would agree that I certainly wish that I could get back the time, the energy, and the portion of my love that went into relationships that didn't last forever. But I still wouldn't look to them as a waste of time. In each relationship I have with someone I come out with a different view of self worth and value in others.
Because of this, my view of what I look for in a relationship with someone is progressive and changes as the years go by. What I thought was perfect in High School is certainly different from what I view as perfect now.
Finding true love is a mysterious thing and often doesn't happen as planned.
It's a shame to see two people get together that are such an obvious mismatch, but who knows maybe there's something to it that they will get out of it that will make it not a waste of time.
There's my thought. Thanks for reading.
BTW I think you wanted to say "vis versa" not "visa visa" But I could be wrong... I'm not sure.
Reply
I'm going to add some more thoughts to this.
My first thought after reading Vic's post was, "how can you not say your a romantic Vic?" But let me explain. I don't mean one of those sappy, cry's at the slightest thing romantic, roses and champagne type of romantic. (all though you might be that too, don't know you well enough to know yet) You're holding out for true love. That, in a sense, definately makes you a romantic! And that's a very good thing.
Russ - just my thoughts on what you said. I don't know if you have any clue who I am, but my name is Ruthie and we dance together at the Nocturnal whenever we both happen to make it out. Anyway, I agree with you that past relationships aren't just a plain waste of time. Hopefully you learn from each one. I've only been in a couple, and both of them left me with pain and frustration, but I learned something. I wish I hadn't been in either of those positions because I personally feel that I made some major mistakes (not physically, just with the relationship as a whole), BUT I also know that I'm a better person from both of those relationships. I know who I am better, and I know more about how love works. Not an authority by any stretch of the imagination, but I know more.
I agree with you that it's pretty entertaining to read Vic's comments knowing that many people thing him and Katie would be perfect. But what's perfect as friends doesn't always make perfect as a couple. I know that one too well. One of my friends, Erik, was my best friend for a long time. We did tons of stuff together. I helped him throw parties. I helped his mother throw him a surprise party. We went to the movies. We went to dinner. We hung out, laughed togehter, and cried together. But I'd never be interested in him as anything more. Well, to make a long story short, he and my room mate will be engaged shortly (shhhhhhhhh, it's a secret!) and I couldn't be happier for him, because we fit as friends/brother and sister, but not as romantically involved. Ya know?
Anyway, that was kinda random and not my point.
I think both you and Vic are right. Yeah, I know, that's kinda a contradiction, but bear with me. Personally I want to hold out for that perfect someone. The one who will understand me, and I will understand. The person that can be my "other half" in every sense of the word just as I am for them. I want it to be magical. I seriously doubt I know him right now. Sometimes that's pretty depressing, BUT, I don't want to settle for anything less. Having said that, sometimes people get married who aren't that magical fit and have wonderful lives. I've known people who grew into their love, some of them after 30 years of marriage. I've also known some people who had an arrainged marriage, they didn't know each other and their parents arraigned everything! Pretty freaky huh? Yes, it still happens. And love still works.
Part of the equation that most people forget is that love is a commitment. It's saying, "someday, these fireworks will fade. We'll have a baby burping up over everthing. I'll lose my job. We'll both lose our beauty to the ravages of age. But I don't care. I'm going to love you even when you act unlovable. I'm commited to spend the rest of my life making YOUR life better. And we will work it out, no matter what happens." When both parties are willing to make that type of commitment, you can make it work. Wether your love was that perfect something or not.
Is it easier if the fireworks are there and you ARE that perfect match? Oh yeah! Is it absolutely neccesary? No. Is the perfect match going to look exactly as you dreamed? Often, it won't.
And that's my 2 cents. (or 50 cents if you think I talked a long time!)
Reply
I didn't write this to be a contradiction, but I guess it did come out that way. I really just wanted to put in my .02, shed some new light, and that sort of thing.
I liked what you had to say. I'll look forward to seeing you out dancing this weekend. Hopefully I'll see you out. Save me a dance.
Reply
I should be there on Sunday, and don't worry, I always save ya a dance!
Reply
I mean, right now I'm constantly learning and realizing more and more what a right relationship looks like, and I haven't been romantic with anyone in.. dang, 5 years? Maybe 4.. Just from paying attention and watching others and growing in myself and in my relationship with God, I am constantly gaining a better understanding of what kind of girl I can even be attracted to, and what a beautiful relationship is. What I'm saying is, it isn't necessary to keep trying till you find the right one I think a big break from "the field" =) is one of the best things we can do to ready ourselves for a for real relationship
What you said is legit, props. Propellers
Reply
http://www.livejournal.com/users/victicious/36746.html?thread=155274#t155274
So with all that said-
(not that you are nessarily saying vic and I are perfect for each other...but you did bring it up so that gives me reason to rant )
Vic and I are not perfect for each other, we are not soul mates. We are really good close friends, but it is not romantic. Its ridiculous to say just because he is a man and I am a woman, and we fit together as friends that we are perfect for each other just because we are of the opposite sex. Megan and I fit perfectly together, but no one would say we should marry each other...its the same thing with Vic and I. Of course it is a different because man/woman friendships are different than woman/woman relationships, but still. For there to be true 'romantic' love, there must be attraction there (on all levels), there must be chemistry there on both sides. Attraction is one thing I can't explain, and that is the mysterious part of true love to me. Another example, Matt and I have been super close friends who adore each other for years and years but we have never remotly had a crush on each other since 7th grade.
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