Somethin ain't right...
One of the vivid memories I have from childhood is being sick, lying in bed on a bright day, drifting in and out of sleepy consciousness. It's reeeaallllyy quiet. My headboard's made of narrow gold bars that become even more narrow toward the outside of the bed. Half-asleep, I think of a tiny ball of colorless, gray clay. Very tiny, very round, and I'm rolling it between my index finger and my thumb. Then, it instantly becomes gigantic, like, 100,000x the size before, completely filling my vision. And it's as though the silent, empty ambiance is actually a deafening roar from the gravity of this massive clay sphere. And then I see the two balls next to each other. The small, tiny, quiet bb in contrast with a massive and loud clay planet. And I think they're both the same thing, the same ball of clay... I think...
Another memory I have was standing on our wooden deck sometime near the end of winter. It was probably April and sunny. There's still plenty of snow on the ground, wet snow. At one end of the deck, the roof was dripping from icicles dangling over the edge. So a section of the deck, a relatively narrow stretch, was covered in ice, and the surface of that ice was smooth. But there were holes in the ice from water dripping onto the same place. Perfectly round holes of different sizes scattered across the smooth surface of the ice. When I saw it, I just looked at it for a while. Just standing there, studying it. I don't remember if I was disgusted at first sight, but eventually I realized I was just staring at it in complete disgust. I had no idea why, but I found it repulsive. So I was confused, and I continued to stare at so that I might figure out why its appearance was so sickening to me. But I didn't figure out why, and instead, I just became MORE disgusted. Eventually, I just forced myself to walk away and forget about it, but of course, I still thought about it.
That image of Io gave me a similar feeling of disgust. And that early memory of the ice reminded me of the clay balls. I thought it was worth documenting.
Another memory I have was standing on our wooden deck sometime near the end of winter. It was probably April and sunny. There's still plenty of snow on the ground, wet snow. At one end of the deck, the roof was dripping from icicles dangling over the edge. So a section of the deck, a relatively narrow stretch, was covered in ice, and the surface of that ice was smooth. But there were holes in the ice from water dripping onto the same place. Perfectly round holes of different sizes scattered across the smooth surface of the ice. When I saw it, I just looked at it for a while. Just standing there, studying it. I don't remember if I was disgusted at first sight, but eventually I realized I was just staring at it in complete disgust. I had no idea why, but I found it repulsive. So I was confused, and I continued to stare at so that I might figure out why its appearance was so sickening to me. But I didn't figure out why, and instead, I just became MORE disgusted. Eventually, I just forced myself to walk away and forget about it, but of course, I still thought about it.
That image of Io gave me a similar feeling of disgust. And that early memory of the ice reminded me of the clay balls. I thought it was worth documenting.