fanfiction;
Title: How to Make Your Partner Like You
Author: love_kate_walsh and brennooth
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Don't own any characters
Notes: A fanfiction written for castleland 's Write With Me challenge :)
HOW TO MAKE YOUR PARTNER LIKE YOU
This is a piece by the amazing Richard Castle - that's me, the ruggedly handsome guy, current detective and, well I bet you already know about my awesomeness - on how to make your partner like you. And by that I don't mean like you but really like you (you get what I mean ;)). Anyway, where was I? You should know that this is not the type of book I usually write. But, you know, my friend Patterson (about whom I've heard several rumors involving his friend Steward...) said I could easily do it, so this is it. Good luck following this guide in order to succeed!
PAYING ATTENTION
Paying attention to what your partner says is one of the most important things you could think of. Seriously, you have to make your partner think that she has your full attention (even if you're busy checking out the new hot girls on the playboy website or planning a new poker session with Patterson and the others). Never ever let her think she's talking without having you listen to what she's trying to tell. That's the worst thing you could do. You should learn how to multitask! If there is anybody telling you that men aren't able to multitask, just tell him that the awesome Richard Castle - yes, that's me - was able to learn and actually use it in his daily war against his female partner. If she finds out that you're not really listening but looking at some other stuff, just pretend your iPhone magically developed a private life (it worked for me, so it should work for you as well ;)).
QUALITIES AS A DETECTIVE
I think I haven't mentioned my more than awesome qualities as a detective yet, cause, let's face it, I'm that brilliant! You need someone to check out a scary mummy and fight the curse? Someone to be so cool that it makes a coffee machine explode and make chairs drop dead? Or someone to run faster than a dog ever could? A guy to catch all the bad guys wearing just one shoe? Then I'm your guy! You need to be self-confident, be convinced of your qualities! Don't hesitate to come up with absurd ideas and ways to find a killer. Be up for new and exciting things to help out! (Not to mention the highly recommended and always needed bulletproof vest with the word 'WRITER' on it).
CHARME
Be charming! Always. Your life depends on it! Believe me, one wrong move and you’re done. Your partner won't even look at you anymore. A cool phrase here, a few supporting words there and you're doing fine. Don't ever insult your partner in any way! It's the worst that could happen! You might not even notice it but there could be some things your partner could take the wrong way even if it was not your intention to make it sound like that. Don't just do blunt flirting, sugarcoat it! Don't just start talking about skinny-dipping when you invite your partner to your house in the Hamptons! You can do that if she presumes you just want to see her in a swimsuit once you mentioned the sea and the beach. Don't put pressure on any conversations, just be your charming self and everything else will be a piece of cake! Trust me! Been there, done that ;)
RUGGEDLY HANDSOME
That's my personal secret. You should really be ruggedly handsome to impress your partner. If you're really as good looking as you think you are then there is no chance your partner is going to hook up with a guy we use to call Schlemming the Lemming. You're the top guy then. Just be convinced that you are that handsome and mention it every now and then in a way that seems like you're doing it every single day. At first your partner won't even notice but eventually she will start thinking about it and she will also come to the conclusion that you're right.
AUTHENTIC DESCRIPTION OF CRIMES IN BOOKS
To impress your fans and make your partner want to jump you right away, you should write books with authentic descriptions of a crime scene. I suggest: try everything yourself. Let someone tape you to a chair and try to free yourself (remember, trash cans can actually be helpful here). Also, experiments with vegetables and fruits combined with liquid nitrogen can be a lot of fun (make sure you tape your watch to your wrist or put it someplace safe. Just in case. You never know what could happen to it. You might just freeze time in about no time!) In case something goes wrong - don't ever tell anybody about it! They don't deserve to have a good laugh if they don't know what it's like to be you!
PRESENTS & PARTIES
Who doesn’t like to get useful presents? Like a cappuccino machine, because, let’s face it, the coffee that that prehistory coffeemaker in the break room produces tastes like it’s been brewed sometime in the last millennium. And who can work properly when all they have is bad coffee? What is also a very good thing to get your partner to like you is to invite them to your parties. They’ll loosen up and have fun. And maybe, if you get them drunk, they’ll admit they like you. Okay, that one was wishful thinking but hey, a guy can dream, right? ;)
JOKES
Not only am I ruggedly handsome, I am also incredibly funny and make the most amazing jokes. A good sense of humor gets you everywhere. You should always keep that in mind. A joke can cheer your partner up when she’s sad, like when you tell her that you chose her as your inspiration for your latest character because she’s tall. Or when you tell her that you think a killer would’ve gone on killing if it wasn’t for your book because he would’ve never met anyone smart enough to catch him; you were, of course, speaking of the Special Agent, not of your partner. She will be thankful for the distraction and therefore like you even more.
ALEXIS
Have you ever felt like you just screwed it up with your partner and she will never speak with you again? Yes? That’s when your amazing, beautiful and very smart daughter comes into the picture. How, you might wonder. That’s easy. Since she’s a very smart kid, she’ll say the right thing. The thing which makes you realize what to do (or say) to gain your partner’s trust back. And since your daughter probably is the best thing that ever happened to you, your partner will adore her. Who would be able to resist your charming teenage daughter? Just let your responsible side show every once in a while, the side where you tell your daughter that she has to go to school even though she won’t be able to concentrate, or the side where you leave everything behind just because your daughter calls, or when you tell her how you raised her on your own, going to the playgrounds or the museum with her. Just don’t mention that you did that to pick up all the single mothers. Your partner will not like that. But be sure to tell her all the other sweet stories about your daughter.
MAYOR
It is always of great advantage to have connections. Knowing people, important people, is one major point in the process of getting your partner to like you. If you know someone as important as the mayor, you might be able to call in favors and thereby push through court orders or warrants which would take at least a day, if not more, without your connections. You can also invite your partner to a poker game with all the important people. That’s gonna make a good impression. Especially if they all gang up against yourself (note to self: bribe them with something so they will not try to take all your money from you -.-) or help your partner to solve her most recent case.
THE HAMPTONS
Last but not least, which sane person would not like somebody with a house in the Hamptons? I mean, who would not dream of a weekend in the Hamptons with an incredibly charming and ruggedly handsome writer? You could lie out at the beach, work on your taint or, if you’re not comfortable in a swimsuit, you could just skinny dip. Either way, a weekend at the beach is just what a stressed out cop needs after an exhausting week. And they would definitely love you for inviting them to your beach house. Just make sure to be faster than some annoying robbery detective. Or any other person that might come between you and your partner. Just remember; always present yourself in the best, most appealing light. The House in the Hamptons would be a good opportunity for that, no funny stuff, just a friendly getaway.
NOTE:
And, having said that, I would advise you all not to hook up with your ex - if you have one, that is - out of frustration because you didn't succeed with the aforementioned qualities. This might just be the worst idea you're ever going to have, because that could be the point at which you already made your partner like you and so you would just ruin what you achieved. Until then… Good luck with getting your partner to like you!
Richard Castle.