Why, hello Livejournal! I haven't seen you lately!
Yea, haven't been around for a while. And i come back to do my emo rant! :D Yay emo rant!
LIFE FUCKING SUCKS.
If you couldn't tell from my last entry, I've found myself head over heels for a guy. I mean, i thought i was in love once before...but...no...I was wrong. This is like 100 times that feeling. And it isn't like a 'owmigawd, he's so frikkin hott, i so wanna have sex with that' kinda thing(even though he is REALLY sexy...) I just...I want to be around him, ya know? I want to get to know him as much as i can. Though I get the feeling that he doesn't even know i exist besides the times i see him after the hockey games. Yea. He's a hockey player. #9 Defense, Joe Pace. Last time i checked, he and i think Danny White were leading the SPHL at +/- 16. He's italian, his favorite color is black, and he's the funniest guy i know. He just turned 22 on the 6th. I'll be 18 on the 23rd...four year difference...
I'm sick of my friends and at the same time I'm in a bit of a dispute with some of them with them. They basically took over my prom, and it hasn't even started yet. So i just backed out of everything except for the prom itself. I backed out of the limo, i backed out of O' Charlies for dinner...I had no say in any of that. I was just told the amount of money i needed to give them. Fuck that. It's my prom too. I don't want to be in a limo where i hate half the people, or go to a restaurant I've never been to before. Fuck. That. So now they're pissed 'cause they have to cough up more cash. Just because I have a freaking job doesn't mean i have money spewing out of my ass that i can give away on a whim. I'm also the last one to know ANYTHING. I was the last one to know one of my friends was in an accident-people who didn't even know her knew she was in the accident before i did-and i was the last one to know another friend asked her crush to the prom and he said yes...even when i found out it was like it was a mistake, like i wasn't supposed to know! And I've been trying to take my friends somewhere-anywhere-to hang out! I've offered to pay for EVERYTHING, and they still won't come! WOULDN'T A FREE GAME OF LASER TAG, FREE ICE SKATING AND FREE MOVIES WITH YOUR SUPPOSED FRIEND MAKE YOU WANNA GO OUT?! And to top it all off, they want me to plan my own 18th birthday party around THEIR schedules! FUCK THEM. Oh, and they also don't want to listen to me when I'm trying to tell them important stuff about my life, and the things I'm into and that keep me from slitting my wrists(ya know, they're very important to me...) THEY MAKE FUN OF AND RIDDICULE ME FOR.
Apparently, the only friends i have are my con friends and my hockey friends...none of which know me that well. SUCKS FOR ME. The toughest time of my life, and the only person i can talk to is my mom. Who, i hate to say, i think I'm growing away from, little by little.
For the few people-if any-reading this, do you remember my last post? Well, a little before that, my mom broke her ankle. So from that time, with my mom's ankle broken, and my dad with no legs, I've been doing all the house work. I've been taking care of them. Well on the 6th, my own car ran me over. RAN. ME. OVER. Over my foot, up my leg, across my stomach...my chest...my head...I didn't go to the hospital because the EMT said he didn't think i needed to go. He said i was lucky i didn't die, and he was very surprised my injuries were so minor. But My ankle's twisted, my leg hurts, my stomach and chest ache, I'm having headaches and falling asleep more than usual, and i have a big scrape across my cheek. You would think it was my time to be taken care of, wouldn't you? Time for me to sit back and relax and cut back on house work. Nope. I'm still the one taking care of my family. I'm still the one doing 99% of the fucking house work.
When i was run over, my "friends" were laughing.
I can understand laughing after, when you're sure I'm ok...but...I could have been bleeding internally or something. And...you're going to...laugh? I could have died.
The only people who showed genuine care about my well being were my teachers and my mom.
I really wonder how much i would be missed if i just slit my wrists.
If i just blew my brains out.
If i just over doused.
If i just suffocated myself.
"Life is a test. If you commit suicide, you've failed the test."
I'm a failure at everything else...why not be a failure at life?
Heh. This would make an excellent suicide note. If i decide to go down that path...I think I'll just print this out. *nod*
Well, I have homework to finish.
LIFE FUCKING SUCKS.
If you couldn't tell from my last entry, I've found myself head over heels for a guy. I mean, i thought i was in love once before...but...no...I was wrong. This is like 100 times that feeling. And it isn't like a 'owmigawd, he's so frikkin hott, i so wanna have sex with that' kinda thing(even though he is REALLY sexy...) I just...I want to be around him, ya know? I want to get to know him as much as i can. Though I get the feeling that he doesn't even know i exist besides the times i see him after the hockey games. Yea. He's a hockey player. #9 Defense, Joe Pace. Last time i checked, he and i think Danny White were leading the SPHL at +/- 16. He's italian, his favorite color is black, and he's the funniest guy i know. He just turned 22 on the 6th. I'll be 18 on the 23rd...four year difference...
I'm sick of my friends and at the same time I'm in a bit of a dispute with some of them with them. They basically took over my prom, and it hasn't even started yet. So i just backed out of everything except for the prom itself. I backed out of the limo, i backed out of O' Charlies for dinner...I had no say in any of that. I was just told the amount of money i needed to give them. Fuck that. It's my prom too. I don't want to be in a limo where i hate half the people, or go to a restaurant I've never been to before. Fuck. That. So now they're pissed 'cause they have to cough up more cash. Just because I have a freaking job doesn't mean i have money spewing out of my ass that i can give away on a whim. I'm also the last one to know ANYTHING. I was the last one to know one of my friends was in an accident-people who didn't even know her knew she was in the accident before i did-and i was the last one to know another friend asked her crush to the prom and he said yes...even when i found out it was like it was a mistake, like i wasn't supposed to know! And I've been trying to take my friends somewhere-anywhere-to hang out! I've offered to pay for EVERYTHING, and they still won't come! WOULDN'T A FREE GAME OF LASER TAG, FREE ICE SKATING AND FREE MOVIES WITH YOUR SUPPOSED FRIEND MAKE YOU WANNA GO OUT?! And to top it all off, they want me to plan my own 18th birthday party around THEIR schedules! FUCK THEM. Oh, and they also don't want to listen to me when I'm trying to tell them important stuff about my life, and the things I'm into and that keep me from slitting my wrists(ya know, they're very important to me...) THEY MAKE FUN OF AND RIDDICULE ME FOR.
Apparently, the only friends i have are my con friends and my hockey friends...none of which know me that well. SUCKS FOR ME. The toughest time of my life, and the only person i can talk to is my mom. Who, i hate to say, i think I'm growing away from, little by little.
For the few people-if any-reading this, do you remember my last post? Well, a little before that, my mom broke her ankle. So from that time, with my mom's ankle broken, and my dad with no legs, I've been doing all the house work. I've been taking care of them. Well on the 6th, my own car ran me over. RAN. ME. OVER. Over my foot, up my leg, across my stomach...my chest...my head...I didn't go to the hospital because the EMT said he didn't think i needed to go. He said i was lucky i didn't die, and he was very surprised my injuries were so minor. But My ankle's twisted, my leg hurts, my stomach and chest ache, I'm having headaches and falling asleep more than usual, and i have a big scrape across my cheek. You would think it was my time to be taken care of, wouldn't you? Time for me to sit back and relax and cut back on house work. Nope. I'm still the one taking care of my family. I'm still the one doing 99% of the fucking house work.
When i was run over, my "friends" were laughing.
I can understand laughing after, when you're sure I'm ok...but...I could have been bleeding internally or something. And...you're going to...laugh? I could have died.
The only people who showed genuine care about my well being were my teachers and my mom.
I really wonder how much i would be missed if i just slit my wrists.
If i just blew my brains out.
If i just over doused.
If i just suffocated myself.
"Life is a test. If you commit suicide, you've failed the test."
I'm a failure at everything else...why not be a failure at life?
Heh. This would make an excellent suicide note. If i decide to go down that path...I think I'll just print this out. *nod*
Well, I have homework to finish.