Relationship Age Gap Double Standards and Thoughts
*waves*
Hey, guys, long time no see. I’m so behind on everything. Working two jobs is no fun whatsoever.
So, I come here today partly with a quandary which is partly based in real life and partly based in fiction and/or fandom.
That quandary is why does it not seem really weird that women date, marry, or whatever with men that are 10, 15, or so years older than them, but when it’s the other way around it seems very strange or is portrayed as "wrong".
Personally, I’ve generally been attracted to men who are close to my age or older and it’s almost always a major turnoff for me if a guy is say more than 5 years younger than me. I totally understand that this is YMMV thing because I’ve had some friends who have had wonderful relationships with guys much younger than them and they didn’t feel weird about it.
What I really hate is that it often seems women are vilified or mocked when they date younger guys whether by the media or by people they know, but men really aren’t . A fandom example is Sam and Jack in SG-1. It generally wasn’t a big deal on the show or in fandom that Jack was 12 to 15 years older than Sam, but can you imagine the how much more certain portions of fandom would have vilified Sam if she had been 12 years older than Jack? Also, you have all of these male actors in movies that are paired with actresses sometimes more than 20 years younger than they are. But I can’t remember a single instance when it was the other way around.
My personal hang-up about younger guys is a combination of things. Firstly, I don’t want to be anyone’s mother. I don’t want to feel like I’m raising my boyfriend. I like to be on pretty even footing in a relationship. Secondly, it’s very weird for me to be with someone who wasn’t even alive during some of the most important cultural milestones of my lifetime, whether they are events or movies or TV. Honestly, I think this the thing that freaks me out the most.
So, where this comes into 'Real Life' for me. There has been this guy who has been on the edges of my circle of friends for quite some time. When we first met, I was really sort of attracted to him. We flirted a lot. Then I found out he was 10 years younger than me so I freaked out and withdrew a bit. One of my friends is always teasing me about it and telling me I shouldn’t let age interfere because we'd work really well together.
So on Halloween we started our flirtation again mainly because everyone said we should get a picture together in the photobooth because I was dressed in a 1950s style in my Siamese cat circle skirt and sweater set and he was in his normal clothes, but he always dresses like a 50s greaser anyway. I ended up driving him home and hung out there with him and some other friends. For some reason we watched The Wonder Years. And I came to the disturbing realization that he was born the same year The Wonder Years came out. It freaked me out honestly.
This has been swishing around in my head all week long and I think for me it boils down to if you both are at a similar point in your life path. It just seems like there’s a big divide in life experience between 33 and 23 than maybe say 43 and 33. I dunno, but I just wish I could really get at the root of why an older woman in a relationship is a 'bad' thing.
So what are your thoughts on this seeming double standard? In the media it seems to be especially portrayed as “icky”.