Peach. Plum. Pear.
I want more/new pictures.
I had a dream the other night that I almost died. What intrigues me is that I didn't wake up in a cold sweat; screaming out into my bedroom. I didn't wake up at all. Instead I was calm, if anything numb. And I tried to save myself. I didn't know I had it in me to be that sort of brave, even in a dream.
Is it wrong to not want to die? I do not want to stop breathing in early morning air. I want to always be able to feel the grass beneath my feet; blue skies and billowing clouds before me. I'm not sure if there is an afterlife anymore. I'm becoming scared that when we die it is just darkness. For the rest of eternity. But then, we wouldn't know we were dead, because we're dead.? I can't even begin to fathom eternity in darkness.
How can people not appreciate what we have before us? Why do we base our lives on making money; to hate others. The things that will make us the most happy, peaceful are things that are not able to be bought. The only emotion we should have for others is love, compassion. All I want are grapefruit sunsets and small kisses on my forehead. Sometimes I feel that people want to strive to be depressed//full of anxiety.
Lately I've also been thinking about relationships alot. It's incredible how close two people can become- and with time that closeness can fade. I think of all of the people who use to be my "bestfriends". For the most part we're not "bestfriends", anymore. Then there are love relationships. Where two people can reach such a rare level of intimacy, passion and devotion. Within mere days that can also dissipate. Given the right mixture of miscommunication and distrust. Or just growing apart.
I don't want to take anything for granted. Especially this life. This complicated world around me. I do not want to take people in my life for granted; even though it sometimes seems that they couldn't care less about me. Suppose that life is spinning, never stopping. A carousel of pictures if you will. Do you want it to blur before you? Or would you wish to clearly savor each and every moment.?
p.s.
check these out if you're
wanting new "good music".
·The Arcade Fire
·Joanna Newsom
·Animal Collective