Life is so fun... not
My First blog entry for today, I copied both of these from my recent msn blog things.
My mother almost chopped her finger off just now... clever of her, huh? She was in the garden and dropped a pain of scissors and they sliced through her knuckle - a massive stream of blood just shot out. There were some guys walking on the footpath on the otherside of the road (she was in the front garden) and one said to his mates "Fuck, did you see the blood coming outta that woman?!?!" I had to help her rinse it and stuff, and put on her plasters etc. It was gross though, we'd just washed it up and then she bent her finger and all the blood shot out again! So we had to do it all again...
My next entry, which was about... an hour later?
Describing how utterly funkalicious my life is being right now...
I'm being bullied, isn't that, like, totaly funky??? *serious overdose of sarcasm*
I have these pikey girls in my year who keep on calling me names and stuff, and today we spent the entire lunch time trying to hide me from them. I wasn't actually scared of them, I mean - she was realling off all these threats, and I just laughed! Not a good thing to do... She got really pissed of with me, and seriously, I had to run when I got outta maths (Alex's advice). God, why does this always happen to me? I don't mean to sound bitchy - but why can't it happen to someone else, just for once? Why does that bastard, sat on his arse in heaven, use me as a bloody vodoo doll? No, I'm not a christian, haven't been for a very long time, why should I love someone who hates my meare existance... he's not alone though, everyone hates me. My old best friend hates me too, and I honestly don't know why! I've asked her a million times over, and she just won't say anything, I've asked Katie, Rebecca and I'm even so determind to find out, that I asked Lindsey! Me and Lindsey have never really got along, but I tried in year 7, I really did, I was panicking, I knew I was going to end up loosing a friendship that had grown over... about 5, 5 and a half, years, so I tried for my old bestfriends sake, to like a girl that I couldn't stand, and we went shopping, we actually got on, I thourght, for a while anyway... But then, I dunno... I remember they wanted some info about Alexs sex life out of him, so they bribed him with stuff about themselves (such as their bra cup sizes apparently... I'd never do that, but heck, I already knew what they wanted to know) and, so alex had half the info on their... upper regions, and he literally came in, did a spazzy kinda dance, smiled his smug, afro-covered head off, and said in this really odd voice, that he needed to gloat, and went out again! And apparently, I revealed the ah... other half of the info (their sizes such as 30, 32, 34, 36 etc.) but I never did that! It's against my morals, see? I don't follow rules I'm given, I make my own, and keeping secrets is, pretty much, at the top of my list, so why would I break that? Without my morals, I'm just a body, with nothing. I'd kill myself before I break one of my rules. Infact, my dieing day appears to be drawing closer as I type, and as you read, this. That's what no one understands, I'm mentally ill, I have a psychiatrist for gods sake! I need treatments... I have bloody schzophrenia! Yes, that's right - I hear voices that aren't spoken, I see people that don't exist. I have fits and faint, I faint a lot anyway because I don't eat, apparently I'm anorexic, but you have to be slim to be anorexic, and I'm not. I'm fat fat fat.
Anyway, Naomi (that's my old best friends name) just won't tell me what I've done, I've cleared up the bra thing, I'm sure I have, but she has no other reason!!! Come on! The most she's said to me for ages is a "thankyou" and she wasn't even looking at me, but that was simply because I told her at Zone that she had fuzz hanging off the rear of her jeans. I remember a while ago, I was really upset and crying, it was another night at Zone, it was march, the week preceding my mothers birthday, and so she told me to tell my erm... "friends" that she would drive to Zone because she didn't want to drive on her birthday. So, yeah - I arranged that. Then she went in a mass mood on the night of Zone when she was meant to be driving, and hit me a few times, made me cry a lot. But I eventually... managed sounds a bit... I dunno, it doesn't fit, but it''l have to do. I managed to eventually get her to drive us (Us meaning Naomi , Rebecca and me) and I was sat in the car, holding my breath almost, trying to keep the tears from falling down my cheeks, and I managed. She dropped us off at some traffic lights and we went in the side way towards the church (I'm quitting Zone, getting my money back from the getaway, I'm sure thay'll have more fun without me) and Rebecca was like "are you ok" and I'm like "sure" though, I'm sure it was obvious I was lying, and no more than a few steps later, a massive wave of tears errupt from inside of me! I'm almost frightened of the noise I made! XD. Then, Naomi kinda patted me on the shoulder and stood akwardly at the side and Rebecca gave me a hug. I really missed that, I remembered what it was like when we were friends, and, if anything, that made me cry more. I don't know what to do... I really don't. I miss my old friends so much, and I can't stop thinking about what I could have possibly done to deserve this. I was crying down the phone to my dad the other night, all about what had happened.
I read Lindseys post in my blog today, and I think it's rather rude to be honest. My paragraph was about Thom, not Alex, Thom. But maybe she realised that she shouldn't comment on that, because she hasn't had any of the happiness and... other... mixed emotions a boyfriend brings...