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In my recent post I mentioned that I felt as if I were going crazy. That strange itching is still there. I keep reminding myself to take every day, one at a time. I vascillate between unfocused, impotent confusion and fear of my own reactions. Unless I revert to being angry, which makes me feel more in control but is certainly not good for my blood
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Lord, that is why I write and ramble so much, b/c I'm working it out in my head - I don't really care if any of my lj friends actually pay attention!
I think it's just a product or a consequence of our generation. I've been aching for a grown-up job for so long, and now that I'll be getting something that FEELS like a career path, it's a little terrifying. Is this office going to be a lot stiffer than my current one? (As much as I hate my boss, my co-workers are all laid back and really nice - will I get that in the new job?) Am I going to be good at this job? Am I going to like it?? I just feel like I can't make yet another change.
But then, I so so so miss the casualness and freedom I used to have, say, when I was working in the library in Austin. Or being a student, even in my masters. And I'll probably make at least one more career change, if not more, so why am I really that worried about it now? I'm only 27. I don't have to have it all sorted just yet; only commitment is to pay for a wedding, and even then we're finding ways of being flexible!
I get you girl. Just remind yourself that no job is permanent, so if the "grown-up" life is too much, go back to what you enjoy. We all go crazy - Craziness est. 2006 for me, I think! Just roll with it.
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