I never stepped on the cracks 'cause I thought I'd hurt my mother
I stood against a railing on a balcony last night (this morning?) speaking of oneness and quoting the bible and attempting to tie it into psychology and intimate relationships.. and I don't know. I had the attention of everybody there and I felt it was me that I was trying to convince.
we're playing this game and the rules keep changing after each round is won. the upper hand writes the history books.. brings forth the next stage of evolution. and that goes for protaganists and villains alike. in politics, religion.. between you and me. and then there's these people, these people I empathize with, respect, and want to know and have as a part of my life! and they just want to bypass the system and start anew. even my own mother.. and it's not possible.
o, that's probably the apocalyptic prophecies set forth in cultures everywhere. I'm not even sure I believe the concept of babysteps, but it's all I know to preach. it's that, or I can sit and wait. sit, wait, and be reminded by every film, song, television program, magazine article, neon sign, non/corporate art, Air Jordan, and pyrex smoking apparatus that there's a lot of work to be done (and yes, most of it is internal).
and then, boom. it doesn't matter anymore. which makes me wonder if it ever did. or ever will.. this intellection of the "present" is just too much sometimes..
my breath and voice and fingers can't keep up with my thoughts anymore (not that they ever could, really. not that they can for anyone, for that matter..). I tried to disentangle sentiency and the prominence of fear and death as motivation for action. and then I realized just how stoned I was, asked for a cigarette, and listened to what other people had to say.
[I have smoked two or three times in the last week or so. I don't want to say I am slipping back into the habit, it's just been the sort of week that's warranted tobacco indulgence. I talked to some people at school about political activism and am hopeful it won't fall through the cracks. chain-smokers. typical.]
I relayed my own experiences as a child trying to explain what I'm about to term the "Look Both Ways" complex.. that idea ingrained into me (and most people I know) to "look both ways" before crossing the street. that taught me to be afraid of strangers/abducter0rs. lung cancer. hand guns. all the propaganda translated to me in bright lights and catchy slogans. playing on a fear that was there from the day I was born.. every living thing is programmed to survive, and we're taught what we've to be afraid of, reinforcing that very notion.
o, the pains of forming a brain through the Reagan-Era.
which leads me to one final thought..
I really want to live alone.
we're playing this game and the rules keep changing after each round is won. the upper hand writes the history books.. brings forth the next stage of evolution. and that goes for protaganists and villains alike. in politics, religion.. between you and me. and then there's these people, these people I empathize with, respect, and want to know and have as a part of my life! and they just want to bypass the system and start anew. even my own mother.. and it's not possible.
o, that's probably the apocalyptic prophecies set forth in cultures everywhere. I'm not even sure I believe the concept of babysteps, but it's all I know to preach. it's that, or I can sit and wait. sit, wait, and be reminded by every film, song, television program, magazine article, neon sign, non/corporate art, Air Jordan, and pyrex smoking apparatus that there's a lot of work to be done (and yes, most of it is internal).
and then, boom. it doesn't matter anymore. which makes me wonder if it ever did. or ever will.. this intellection of the "present" is just too much sometimes..
my breath and voice and fingers can't keep up with my thoughts anymore (not that they ever could, really. not that they can for anyone, for that matter..). I tried to disentangle sentiency and the prominence of fear and death as motivation for action. and then I realized just how stoned I was, asked for a cigarette, and listened to what other people had to say.
[I have smoked two or three times in the last week or so. I don't want to say I am slipping back into the habit, it's just been the sort of week that's warranted tobacco indulgence. I talked to some people at school about political activism and am hopeful it won't fall through the cracks. chain-smokers. typical.]
I relayed my own experiences as a child trying to explain what I'm about to term the "Look Both Ways" complex.. that idea ingrained into me (and most people I know) to "look both ways" before crossing the street. that taught me to be afraid of strangers/abducter0rs. lung cancer. hand guns. all the propaganda translated to me in bright lights and catchy slogans. playing on a fear that was there from the day I was born.. every living thing is programmed to survive, and we're taught what we've to be afraid of, reinforcing that very notion.
o, the pains of forming a brain through the Reagan-Era.
which leads me to one final thought..
I really want to live alone.