11-23-2006
Well, the first 3 days has been a roller coaster. Fortunately I was able to take off work and therefore get some business handled. For the most part things have been pretty ok.
However, there have been some down times like when I scared his cousin by trying to show her one of the cats (felt guilty even thought I had no idea she was afraid of cats, thought she might enjoy meeting Roy's fav), the pastor suggested changing the date of the memorial service after I had told hundreds of our on line friends it was to be the 25th, and when someone asked me about "what are we going to do about food at the party". Each of those things sent me into a tailspin of feeling overwhelmed.
However, with a little counsel from a friend, who told me that the memorial service needed to be on my time table, and it was not my responsibility to plan a menu for the party. If people were that hungry they could go to a restaurant. Soooo, I called my pastor back and told him I wanted it on the 25th, because I wanted to get it taken care of before my birthday on the 30th and the festivities in pre for christmas in Dec. He assured me that the food was NOT my responsibility, nor was the music. He has both under control, my job is to allow myself to grief.
It seems like Roy may get his wish for a full church for the service...he wanted all of "his girls" to come give him a send off and there are folks that have said they are coming in from as far away as Florida, Ohio and Iowa. Kinda offsets the fact that his sister was unwilling to ride from Memphis to Nashville to see him either when he was sick or after he passed.
On the other hand, as time goes back, it seems to feel less real. I keep thinking things like "Roy will be yelling at me to get up soon" or "I need to go get Roy" etc. I am hoping this time, I might be able to deal with the bereavement early rather than waiting six months and having heart palpitations like I did with my mother.