Friends, Family, Philosophy
So, it seems the Hatchling Waltzes aren't and/or weren't who I thought they are. Sometimes, reincarnation really sucks. Kuja was sorta nice to me about it though. It was a nice surprise. I'm glad they don't seem to remember what happened, and have returned to being cute.
Miles is again neck-deep in his friends' problems. It's good he knows how to swim, so to speak.
There was a random Drow sighting. He had an attitude. I would have expected that from a female Drow, but aren't the men treated pretty terribly usually? (And I may be slightly disappointed it wasn't Downer.)
Jubilee is worrying about things again. I think she worries too much.
Aramis has unquestionably proven his bravery (or foolishness) by napping in the Nexus.
Dann made a brief appearance. I'm glad he's okay.
Jas has been writing, and running away from our problems, and we had a good talk about things. Things that required discussion. I don't think either of us will ever be really happy with how things are between us, but we/re smoothing all the rough edges off again.
Things at home have been eventful. Alured's crawling, sorta. Backwards, at least. I think we'll work on going in the right direction next. He's also learning about solid foods, which has been eventful. I am so glad everything in the kitchen is washable. Otherwise I'd end up with tie-dyed everything. Alured's made it very clear there's nothing, nothing at all, in all the world that'll make him eat something he doesn't want to eat.
The goslings are enjoying school. I think though they like best that I don't make them eat school food, and they get to come home before everyone else. I don't think they've realized yet that their classmates don't get more lessons at home after school. Hopefully they won't be too upset when they find out. But that's borrowing tomorrow's troubles; for now they're happy, eager to learn, and healthy.
Everyone else has been well too. Raphael's practically a member of the family now, Sasha's been spending an awful lot of time with a certain photographer, and Sel's having madcap antics someplace in the Midwest. I think it involves flamingos. I didn't quite understand her last message. That might have been on purpose.
I had the most delightful surprise yesterday. Eamonn came home. And he intends to stay.
He said he went back to London Below to get the last few things he might need, and doesn't ever need to go back. All things considered, I'm quite pleased with this decision. I feel a little guilty though. Why do I feel guilty? I didn't ask for or expect this. I suppose I'm worried he'll start missing Richard, or that Richard'll start missing him. But it's not my place or right to question his decision, and I have no reason to. He wouldn't have made it hastily. Why can't I just let myself enjoy this?
I am entirely too good at sabatoging my own happiness. I have no desire of which I am aware that would lead me to do these things I end up doing. I don't want to worry, and fuss, and get angry, and hold grudges as much as I do. But I haven't figured out how to stop.
Why is it so much easier for me to forgive Eamonn for being away a year then it's proving to forgive Jas for going away for a few days? Is it because Jas promised me more? Or is it that by seeing him so often, the wounds keep getting reopened? With Eamonn gone as long as he was, I had time to come to terms with his having gone, and mourn the loss. I haven't had that chance with anything else.
Perhaps it's because I have to be strong. Others rely on me, and I cannot fail them or falter. Maybe I haven't dealt with those things because so many were looking for me to, as a sign of weakness. If that's the case, I think I'm so worried about not failing I'm setting myself up for it.
I want to ride an elephant.
Miles is again neck-deep in his friends' problems. It's good he knows how to swim, so to speak.
There was a random Drow sighting. He had an attitude. I would have expected that from a female Drow, but aren't the men treated pretty terribly usually? (And I may be slightly disappointed it wasn't Downer.)
Jubilee is worrying about things again. I think she worries too much.
Aramis has unquestionably proven his bravery (or foolishness) by napping in the Nexus.
Dann made a brief appearance. I'm glad he's okay.
Jas has been writing, and running away from our problems, and we had a good talk about things. Things that required discussion. I don't think either of us will ever be really happy with how things are between us, but we/re smoothing all the rough edges off again.
Things at home have been eventful. Alured's crawling, sorta. Backwards, at least. I think we'll work on going in the right direction next. He's also learning about solid foods, which has been eventful. I am so glad everything in the kitchen is washable. Otherwise I'd end up with tie-dyed everything. Alured's made it very clear there's nothing, nothing at all, in all the world that'll make him eat something he doesn't want to eat.
The goslings are enjoying school. I think though they like best that I don't make them eat school food, and they get to come home before everyone else. I don't think they've realized yet that their classmates don't get more lessons at home after school. Hopefully they won't be too upset when they find out. But that's borrowing tomorrow's troubles; for now they're happy, eager to learn, and healthy.
Everyone else has been well too. Raphael's practically a member of the family now, Sasha's been spending an awful lot of time with a certain photographer, and Sel's having madcap antics someplace in the Midwest. I think it involves flamingos. I didn't quite understand her last message. That might have been on purpose.
I had the most delightful surprise yesterday. Eamonn came home. And he intends to stay.
He said he went back to London Below to get the last few things he might need, and doesn't ever need to go back. All things considered, I'm quite pleased with this decision. I feel a little guilty though. Why do I feel guilty? I didn't ask for or expect this. I suppose I'm worried he'll start missing Richard, or that Richard'll start missing him. But it's not my place or right to question his decision, and I have no reason to. He wouldn't have made it hastily. Why can't I just let myself enjoy this?
I am entirely too good at sabatoging my own happiness. I have no desire of which I am aware that would lead me to do these things I end up doing. I don't want to worry, and fuss, and get angry, and hold grudges as much as I do. But I haven't figured out how to stop.
Why is it so much easier for me to forgive Eamonn for being away a year then it's proving to forgive Jas for going away for a few days? Is it because Jas promised me more? Or is it that by seeing him so often, the wounds keep getting reopened? With Eamonn gone as long as he was, I had time to come to terms with his having gone, and mourn the loss. I haven't had that chance with anything else.
Perhaps it's because I have to be strong. Others rely on me, and I cannot fail them or falter. Maybe I haven't dealt with those things because so many were looking for me to, as a sign of weakness. If that's the case, I think I'm so worried about not failing I'm setting myself up for it.
I want to ride an elephant.