the question of one own desire to succeed
I feel that the need to succeed and strive for a better life is not one i would of chose for my self, it was brought upon me for having a beautiful child that i hardly get to see or will get to see that much in the future. I strive so hard trying to stack my brain with programmers and maths that only hand full of the closest friends have done. Yet to find my self questioning my very motivates in life is something remains distant and all i want is bragging rights pretty much. I did my time in the navy, got a few scars and injuries, worked the two jobs and went to school full time with a newborn, i been a dad, i been a husband. Now all i am left with is a bunch of what if's and its not to extent of how i would of changed it is who i would of shared it with differently, their always going to be that one girl in a person life they wish they could be with that was someone they truly shared something with, i may have experienced at one time but the way i am now is nothing like how physically capable i was while serving in the navy. but i gave up my muscle to work two jobs, i gave up fixing my broken teeth to gave my daughter money to grow up with. I took all this in account and gave up vanity for something that i cherish most of all, but i am that only one that respects at night and at least i have that.