am i the person i was before.
its been some time when i can look at my self in the mirror and go hey its me. now that i been gaining and losing weight and growing out facial hair and cutting it. its all mixed up. i have no sense of my first name any more. i just hear my last name so much and they short it. its all oh shhhhhiiitt its the riv. when i walk around the ship. i just want to run away and hide from everyone. i have honestly lost my will to carry on. its just doesn't end. i mean come on i get extended once alright but twice. i know u guys probably here about complaining about that a lot. but a lot of shit changes and happens. how honestly can u tell the girl u love u really love her and not be in her presence face to face with a breath taking kiss. whats the point and about time i get off this cruise its nine months i been gone. who going to know me not even me. i just try to act a bit happy that i will be college soon. but was it really worth it. i love this one girl so much that it doesn't matter what i say to her so doesn't respond to me or ever say she feels the same. i just get ingored and it hurts. but their nothing i can do strug it off and carry on smartly. i been changing my watches and work habits. i stand watch 5 and dime. meaning five hours on and ten off. all i do is sleep cause the place i stand watch is 120 degrees and 100 in the ac. its fucking so hot i sweat off like 2 pounds a watch. not to mention i constantly ask my self is it worth waking up any more. i am just so tired of not being with any of my friends or family i don't even see my friends on the ship unless i am about to shower or eating. cause all i do is watch and sleep. but i just want to run away and hide. no point. any more. their so many i want to do. and i have done half i wanted. the other half still in the making. but hopefully my self won't be let down. cause thats all that truely matters nowadays. can u look your self in the mirror. and say HELLL YEAH lets do it.