what the fuck is a LIVEJOURNAL?
rtefdgvntfngrnfgnfdngfgnfgthenextstopistheeastsiiiiidemoooteeeeeel
Letter rot because the first few lines are always the most difficult, especially when it's been so long. I do still read my friends page every other day. But sharing my life has for the most part lost its charm. No...no...is that it? Maybe not. My LJ has always been my memory machine. If I write about something in here, not only does it remain in my memory years later to a stronger degree, but obviously that memory is now concrete, though changing memories don't bother me as much as fading ones. Regardless, if life is idle and repetetive, and my soul vibe is...sub par, well there's just lazy fucking barf. Unhappy emo teenage uncertainty. I am not a teenager I am an adult with rather low expectations and an outlook hazy as a red desert dust storm on the horizon.
Now it approaches the 10th birthday of the word barf, and I'm up and down, slowly, rising from the ashes of bad seasons and pseudo loneliness. I am never alone, just disconnected and that creates an unnerving sense of loneliness. This feeling is the worst in winter, but I tend to heal and open up the more the sun sends down its burning life rays.
[Hey, look, appropriate capitalization. Ch-ch-ch-changes.]
So, onto my "life". My weekend was delightful, truly delightful. Nothing incredibly out of the norm or "amazing" happened, but it's small moments, beautiful images and vibes, and great friends that make it such.
Friday: Woohoo fish fries! Nomnomnom. Afterwards, I went down to Kenosha and met up with Jason, Chris J., and Ghost (being an adorable dog). We hung out at a great little spot on the rocks near a drain and watched tons of fish gather below us. Lots of small ones and the occasional huge motherfucker. Drank some beast and wine. Jacquie got off work and met up with us, then she and Chris went to go pick up a friend. Jason and I went to get more beer and he hooked me up with an ice cream cookie sandwich :) Climbed around on some SATAN concrete and unusual deep holes as potential homelesshomes. J&C returned and we hung out some more and then I had to be a loser and call my mommy for a ride back to Racine. I had a pretty bad barfy night with a minimal amount of restful sleep.
Saturday: Woke up with a bullshit hangover and went to work at 3, feeling unusual from too much of one substance the night before and the lack of another that day. Rudy came and spooked me by sticking his hand in my pocket when I was organizing sale ornaments. When I got off of work Christine, who lives down the street, called me up and invited me to a fire at her house. [Funny story, I mentioned to my parents that I was going to a fire at a friend's house down the street. Yesterday my mom asks me if my friend was OK. I was confused as to what she was referring to. "You said that your friend's house was on fire!".......both she and my father thought I went down to see my friend...because her house was on fire...] So I went there, kicked it with her and Travis and some other folks. Later picked up Rudy, saw something that only happens in ancient slapsticks, being her cousin eating a huge pie and someone smashing it in her face, with then led to a pie war between two of her cousins. Afterwards Rudy walked me home and helped Nate & I feel "normal"...har har...for which I feel incredibly grateful. Went to bed at about 3 and couldn't sleep well much of the night, once again, but this time due to the vibration of the Ps3 controller while Nate was playing Saints Row 2 (a fantastic game I might add...or will add...fucking trite expressions, like Jason and his "Kafkaesque" last night). Finally, after Mr. Latenight Monster went to bed at 7 in the morning, I went into dreamsleep.
Had a lot of dreams involving seeing a lot of people (some of which I saw the next day, after not seeing for a while). Something about trying to meet someone somewhere but it never happened. Recurring theme in dreams of mine. Plans that unravel due to something I'm taking too long to do, or something related to an entirely trivial thing like clothing and packing, or just an unfortunate change in dreamscape. Then there was this boat, I'm on a boat! [lollll] But the last thing I remember was that I found a cat in the street, and somehow I just KNEW that I had to take it home and keep it via a test I did where I held it like a baby, on its back, and it responded well. Mind you, I don't hold GG like that (or at all, at least not for long, she's an affectionate, outgoing cat, but she's a fatty and doesn't like being picked up), but my mom used to hold Raindrop like that. She was the only one who could without being mauled. Well, the cat at first looked like a thinner version of GG but it kept growing. At one point, it was with Jason's cat Lucy, who was for some reason kitten-sized, and trying to attack her. I began to doubt if this cat would be alright living in my home with GG. Suddenly, the cat is no longer a small brown and black cat, but a giant, oversized shiny black panther. And it had this stench, it was horrible but not like any smell I recognize in real life [when relating this dream, someone said "Nate must have farted" haha...no, it wasn't fart smell at all]. And I was scared as fuck of it. That's all.
Sunday: Got up at about 8:45 to get ready for work. Got a call at about 9:50 from DaneBearPig who wanted to hang out on this beautiful morning, alas I had work, but he stopped by anyway and gave me a ride to work and did some doughnuts in the Toys R Us sidelot? Offered me money for lunch which I declined. Why are my friends so awesome? So I worked from 11 to 6, went by fast enough. When I got home Jason came and grabbed me and we went to the beach, met up with Jeremy S. and a friend of his, plus this random, fairly drunk guy they had been kickin' it with. We drank some beers and kicked it on broken piers. The sky was bluepink and the water was that serene body of elemental glory touching the sky in the East in the reflection of the dying sun. I hiked up my "beach pants" and headed out to take it all in and ended up getting my pants wet anyway. Drunk guy thought it was hilarious I said "my nether regions are freezing!". We had a fire in the rocks at the edge of the beach by the woods. Johanna met up with us and we waded around. My phone died I climbed through the woods in the dark with bare feet looking for sticks and logs using only a dying lighter's occasional flicks to guide me. It brought me back to the days 2 years ago of kickin' it at the lake with Johnnie and Conrad in Kenosha and having fires and cookouts there. Speaking of "C-Note", Jason went to scoop him and he came to hang out and helped me out just as Rudy had the previous night. Drunk guy had 2 hot dogs and I roasted one. He had bad German jokes like "what do Germans call lube? WEINERSCHLEIDER!" [of course, while making a jerkin' it motion]. After Johanna left we left drunk guy to his own devices and headed back to my place, where we hung out on the porch in christmas lights and candlelight smoking and listening to the doors on the radio Dane just returned to me, the CD of mine he chose and left in the player, reveling in my slight haziness and the legacy of the Lizard King. Maybe I can do anything. Finally got a good night's sleep and woke up to "sexy time" with my gorgeous man.
I am living less vicariously and more involved. The sun is warming up my heart again. This is why I spit this shit here. The ants keep crawling on the concrete, and spiders on your arm and out of your shoe. Not mine, of course :) Lovely and blessed, for now. Gotta go get ready to let them suck my plasma out for a cheap buck and some green wooohoooo. Also to catch up on the book I'm reading that's ripping Carlos Castaneda a new asshole, but I still thoroughly enjoy his beautiful dream mysticism. Have a nice day LJ land, scarce as it is these days.
Letter rot because the first few lines are always the most difficult, especially when it's been so long. I do still read my friends page every other day. But sharing my life has for the most part lost its charm. No...no...is that it? Maybe not. My LJ has always been my memory machine. If I write about something in here, not only does it remain in my memory years later to a stronger degree, but obviously that memory is now concrete, though changing memories don't bother me as much as fading ones. Regardless, if life is idle and repetetive, and my soul vibe is...sub par, well there's just lazy fucking barf. Unhappy emo teenage uncertainty. I am not a teenager I am an adult with rather low expectations and an outlook hazy as a red desert dust storm on the horizon.
Now it approaches the 10th birthday of the word barf, and I'm up and down, slowly, rising from the ashes of bad seasons and pseudo loneliness. I am never alone, just disconnected and that creates an unnerving sense of loneliness. This feeling is the worst in winter, but I tend to heal and open up the more the sun sends down its burning life rays.
[Hey, look, appropriate capitalization. Ch-ch-ch-changes.]
So, onto my "life". My weekend was delightful, truly delightful. Nothing incredibly out of the norm or "amazing" happened, but it's small moments, beautiful images and vibes, and great friends that make it such.
Friday: Woohoo fish fries! Nomnomnom. Afterwards, I went down to Kenosha and met up with Jason, Chris J., and Ghost (being an adorable dog). We hung out at a great little spot on the rocks near a drain and watched tons of fish gather below us. Lots of small ones and the occasional huge motherfucker. Drank some beast and wine. Jacquie got off work and met up with us, then she and Chris went to go pick up a friend. Jason and I went to get more beer and he hooked me up with an ice cream cookie sandwich :) Climbed around on some SATAN concrete and unusual deep holes as potential homelesshomes. J&C returned and we hung out some more and then I had to be a loser and call my mommy for a ride back to Racine. I had a pretty bad barfy night with a minimal amount of restful sleep.
Saturday: Woke up with a bullshit hangover and went to work at 3, feeling unusual from too much of one substance the night before and the lack of another that day. Rudy came and spooked me by sticking his hand in my pocket when I was organizing sale ornaments. When I got off of work Christine, who lives down the street, called me up and invited me to a fire at her house. [Funny story, I mentioned to my parents that I was going to a fire at a friend's house down the street. Yesterday my mom asks me if my friend was OK. I was confused as to what she was referring to. "You said that your friend's house was on fire!".......both she and my father thought I went down to see my friend...because her house was on fire...] So I went there, kicked it with her and Travis and some other folks. Later picked up Rudy, saw something that only happens in ancient slapsticks, being her cousin eating a huge pie and someone smashing it in her face, with then led to a pie war between two of her cousins. Afterwards Rudy walked me home and helped Nate & I feel "normal"...har har...for which I feel incredibly grateful. Went to bed at about 3 and couldn't sleep well much of the night, once again, but this time due to the vibration of the Ps3 controller while Nate was playing Saints Row 2 (a fantastic game I might add...or will add...fucking trite expressions, like Jason and his "Kafkaesque" last night). Finally, after Mr. Latenight Monster went to bed at 7 in the morning, I went into dreamsleep.
Had a lot of dreams involving seeing a lot of people (some of which I saw the next day, after not seeing for a while). Something about trying to meet someone somewhere but it never happened. Recurring theme in dreams of mine. Plans that unravel due to something I'm taking too long to do, or something related to an entirely trivial thing like clothing and packing, or just an unfortunate change in dreamscape. Then there was this boat, I'm on a boat! [lollll] But the last thing I remember was that I found a cat in the street, and somehow I just KNEW that I had to take it home and keep it via a test I did where I held it like a baby, on its back, and it responded well. Mind you, I don't hold GG like that (or at all, at least not for long, she's an affectionate, outgoing cat, but she's a fatty and doesn't like being picked up), but my mom used to hold Raindrop like that. She was the only one who could without being mauled. Well, the cat at first looked like a thinner version of GG but it kept growing. At one point, it was with Jason's cat Lucy, who was for some reason kitten-sized, and trying to attack her. I began to doubt if this cat would be alright living in my home with GG. Suddenly, the cat is no longer a small brown and black cat, but a giant, oversized shiny black panther. And it had this stench, it was horrible but not like any smell I recognize in real life [when relating this dream, someone said "Nate must have farted" haha...no, it wasn't fart smell at all]. And I was scared as fuck of it. That's all.
Sunday: Got up at about 8:45 to get ready for work. Got a call at about 9:50 from DaneBearPig who wanted to hang out on this beautiful morning, alas I had work, but he stopped by anyway and gave me a ride to work and did some doughnuts in the Toys R Us sidelot? Offered me money for lunch which I declined. Why are my friends so awesome? So I worked from 11 to 6, went by fast enough. When I got home Jason came and grabbed me and we went to the beach, met up with Jeremy S. and a friend of his, plus this random, fairly drunk guy they had been kickin' it with. We drank some beers and kicked it on broken piers. The sky was bluepink and the water was that serene body of elemental glory touching the sky in the East in the reflection of the dying sun. I hiked up my "beach pants" and headed out to take it all in and ended up getting my pants wet anyway. Drunk guy thought it was hilarious I said "my nether regions are freezing!". We had a fire in the rocks at the edge of the beach by the woods. Johanna met up with us and we waded around. My phone died I climbed through the woods in the dark with bare feet looking for sticks and logs using only a dying lighter's occasional flicks to guide me. It brought me back to the days 2 years ago of kickin' it at the lake with Johnnie and Conrad in Kenosha and having fires and cookouts there. Speaking of "C-Note", Jason went to scoop him and he came to hang out and helped me out just as Rudy had the previous night. Drunk guy had 2 hot dogs and I roasted one. He had bad German jokes like "what do Germans call lube? WEINERSCHLEIDER!" [of course, while making a jerkin' it motion]. After Johanna left we left drunk guy to his own devices and headed back to my place, where we hung out on the porch in christmas lights and candlelight smoking and listening to the doors on the radio Dane just returned to me, the CD of mine he chose and left in the player, reveling in my slight haziness and the legacy of the Lizard King. Maybe I can do anything. Finally got a good night's sleep and woke up to "sexy time" with my gorgeous man.
I am living less vicariously and more involved. The sun is warming up my heart again. This is why I spit this shit here. The ants keep crawling on the concrete, and spiders on your arm and out of your shoe. Not mine, of course :) Lovely and blessed, for now. Gotta go get ready to let them suck my plasma out for a cheap buck and some green wooohoooo. Also to catch up on the book I'm reading that's ripping Carlos Castaneda a new asshole, but I still thoroughly enjoy his beautiful dream mysticism. Have a nice day LJ land, scarce as it is these days.