(no subject)
well, i'm back after two days. I've decided not to quit for now, because i know i can't at the moment. I'm just going to moderate myself from now on heh..Sorry Liam! And yes Will, you're right..i can't escape =\
Anyways, it's strange when there are things that make you feel like shit, but at the same time you feel real happy in astrange way. That's how my life has been since last night at 8:15pm. After seeing Bush's speech last night, i went into a very weird stage of having not energy to do work at all. I couldn't do anything. I didn't even want to play music. It wasnt out of hatred necessarily towards our president, but more towards everything. War. Just the thing's are going to go down in the next week, and it's depressing. And besides this, school is aggravating me lately and makes me not want to do anything for it and i'm worried i might have mono (YES! i'm threatened with the possibility again). But besides all these things that make me feel bad, it's the beginning of spring, i have a job interview for the wrap on Wednesday in which i might in fact get a part-time job and make my OWN money, METALFEST and many other great shows are coming up, i've never been as motivated to educate myself and learn about as much as i can through all ways (besides school most of the time) in my whole life, i'm excited to take classes at the New England Conservatory this summer and about the summer in general, and i love my friends.
So there are a lot of things i'm feeling so good about, but then there's war, school, and possible mono. I began to get real paranoid last night and started thinking many frightening things that could happen to me and just doing a lot of my frequent worrying. Anyways, today i've been so fatigued and i'm nervous it's because i inherited mono, but as i walked home today as i was blasting Mastodon i went through such a great sense of nostalgia. A nostalgia from last April, metalfest, and just everything that happened around this time last year at the beginning of warm weather. And not just events but also the weather and just the surroundings. I couldnt help but smile and jump in the air. I got such a rush of excitement and happiness through my body and it was great, and i still have some of that in me. This is probably all the fact of it becoming spring. I've had a pretty hard winter between dealing with a break up and getting sick innumerable times, so i think Spring is almost an awakening for me. A revitalization. But at the same time it's not..and our country is on the brink of a war that has indefinite outcomes and questionable motives, and who knows what will happen. I honestly am scared. And i reassure myself this war is being fought on the other side of the Atlantic, but i'm still scared for myself, my friends, everyone around me, and ofcourse all those innocent people that are going to die in Iraq (soldiers and citizens). I know this sounds cliche, but i've never lived during a war when i was aware of what was going on, and it scares and worries me a lot.
Things are great and exciting, but at the same time are bad. And i just want to ignore the bad things, but they're so monumental to our country, the world, and even me (war) and myself (school) that i can't forget about them.
I've typed a shitload. Hopefully most of it makes sense, hah. Alright, i'm out
much love,
Ben
Anyways, it's strange when there are things that make you feel like shit, but at the same time you feel real happy in astrange way. That's how my life has been since last night at 8:15pm. After seeing Bush's speech last night, i went into a very weird stage of having not energy to do work at all. I couldn't do anything. I didn't even want to play music. It wasnt out of hatred necessarily towards our president, but more towards everything. War. Just the thing's are going to go down in the next week, and it's depressing. And besides this, school is aggravating me lately and makes me not want to do anything for it and i'm worried i might have mono (YES! i'm threatened with the possibility again). But besides all these things that make me feel bad, it's the beginning of spring, i have a job interview for the wrap on Wednesday in which i might in fact get a part-time job and make my OWN money, METALFEST and many other great shows are coming up, i've never been as motivated to educate myself and learn about as much as i can through all ways (besides school most of the time) in my whole life, i'm excited to take classes at the New England Conservatory this summer and about the summer in general, and i love my friends.
So there are a lot of things i'm feeling so good about, but then there's war, school, and possible mono. I began to get real paranoid last night and started thinking many frightening things that could happen to me and just doing a lot of my frequent worrying. Anyways, today i've been so fatigued and i'm nervous it's because i inherited mono, but as i walked home today as i was blasting Mastodon i went through such a great sense of nostalgia. A nostalgia from last April, metalfest, and just everything that happened around this time last year at the beginning of warm weather. And not just events but also the weather and just the surroundings. I couldnt help but smile and jump in the air. I got such a rush of excitement and happiness through my body and it was great, and i still have some of that in me. This is probably all the fact of it becoming spring. I've had a pretty hard winter between dealing with a break up and getting sick innumerable times, so i think Spring is almost an awakening for me. A revitalization. But at the same time it's not..and our country is on the brink of a war that has indefinite outcomes and questionable motives, and who knows what will happen. I honestly am scared. And i reassure myself this war is being fought on the other side of the Atlantic, but i'm still scared for myself, my friends, everyone around me, and ofcourse all those innocent people that are going to die in Iraq (soldiers and citizens). I know this sounds cliche, but i've never lived during a war when i was aware of what was going on, and it scares and worries me a lot.
Things are great and exciting, but at the same time are bad. And i just want to ignore the bad things, but they're so monumental to our country, the world, and even me (war) and myself (school) that i can't forget about them.
I've typed a shitload. Hopefully most of it makes sense, hah. Alright, i'm out
much love,
Ben