A bunch of Yuletide recs
All list-like, without any comments, 'cause I'm lazy. Or busy. Something like that. Anyway, here are 24 fantastic stories. They are all very much glee-worthy and I loved them dearly. Yay! :)
Die Hard 4.5 : I'll Be Hard for Christmas
Die Hard 4, McClane/Farrell, NC-17, 15277 words, first time. Summary: Subcommittee bingo, flashbulb gauntlets, and gay sex scandals - oh, there's no place like Capitol Hill for the holidays!
He'd always meant to get together a new plan, one besides "be in wrong place on wrong day at wrong time, save everyone, go on tv, impress ex-family." He'd just never gotten around to it. At least Plan A always worked for a while; but the overhead was a real bitch. This time around, he had no chance at forming a plan at all. The media was everywhere, all over him.
Not With a Bang But a Whimper
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Harry/Perry, NC-17, 7692 words, first time. Summary: Destiny doesn't always go the way you expect.
Harmony told me that we needed to talk. I figured I'd done something stupid like forgetting an anniversary, but no. Instead she sat me down and confessed that she was this thing called `polyamorous'. I thought she was telling me she had some kind of disease, and I got all upset and held her hand and promised that I'd love her no matter what. And then she finally explained what she meant, and...yeah, I didn't take that so well. See Harry; see Harry's psychotic break. Break, Harry, break!
Suburban Decay
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, gen, Harry, Perry, PG-13, 3570 words.
Now, if Harry was in charge, this is where he'd be jumping around the place in the narrative, getting all mixed up, telling you about how we wound up in a parking garage, with a bunch of zombies after us, instead of concentrating on whatever larcenous activity he was supposed to be undertaking. I'm more disciplined than Harry, which is not difficult. Your average toddler is more disciplined than Harry.
Training Day
Hot Fuzz, Nicholas/Danny, R, 1282 words, established relationship. Summary: Nicholas didn't expect weapons training to be an exercise in frustration.
"Weren't you the one who told us we've got to be more professional around the station?" Wainwright continued. "I don't think having Sgt. Butterball demonstrate your weapon servicing technique falls under condoned station behaviour or appropriate topics of conversation. Says so right there in that manual you wrote, don't it?"
And This Time I'll Remember
Hot Fuzz, Nicholas/Danny, PG, 2858 words, first time. Summary: Nicholas Angel knew it was going to be a bad day when he woke up on Christmas Eve face-to-face with a dead body.
"Shit," said Nicholas, and went from sitting down to standing without any of the bits between. This was probably a metaphor for Nicholas Angel's life right now, because as far as he knew he'd gone from pub-with-Danny to waking-up-next-to-dead-body without any in-between bits. "Shit," Nicholas said again for good measure, and took a look around.
Tokens of Affection
Hot Fuzz, Nicholas/Danny, R, 12608 words, first time. Summary: It seemed to Nicholas that there had always been an element of answering-back in the gifts that he and Danny gave each other.
What was worse, between the increased tensions and petty vandalism that came along with the holiday season and getting the finishing touches on the new police station in order, Nicholas severely doubted he'd have time for a proper shopping run to Buford Abbey. He feared that if he even so much as let on that he had plans in that direction, Danny would want to come along. And if Nicholas knew anything about himself by now, it was that he could deny Danny nothing.
Rebuilding
Wilby Wonderful, Duck/Dan, PG, 1133 words, established relationship.
When Dan and Duck moved in together, about half a week after Dan was released from the hospital, Dan didn't realize that it would essentially be the two of them and the whole town. People don't talk - at least, not to their faces - so that's not the thing. And it's not that their friends [...]
bodies in motion
Shelter, Zach/Shaun, PG-13, 1656 words, established relationship.
The first day is easy. It's packing and unpacking boxes, shifting furniture; hard work pure and simple. It's keeping Cody entertained on the trip to L.A. until Zach switches off driving with Shaun halfway there. They're both tired -- more like exhausted -- emotionally, from fielding Cody's questions about Jeanne, about Poppy, and physically, because Zach's not even sure how he came to have so much shit.
Laying In
Shelter, Zach/Shaun, R, 4518 words, established relationship. Summary: Family, too, is an act of creation. It takes time.
At Thanksgiving, Cody is asked to draw his family in kindergarten. He draws himself in the middle, the way kids do. Then Zach and Shaun on either side, holding his hands. He draws the dog he keeps asking for, because he's a smart kid. Then Gabe, close, and Dad farther, and Jeanne farther still.
Fanfare, Fan Fiction, and the Fourth Wall
Boston Legal, gen, Alan, Denny, PG-13, 3574 words. Summary: Alan defends a fan fiction writer sued for copyright infringement, and Denny learns about slash.
"They're girls, that's what," Denny said. "There are sexy stories on here about girls." / "Oh yeah," Audrey said, nodding. "That's called femmeslash. Not as popular, but..." / "People want to get rid of this?" Denny shook his head. "These stories must be protected! Take her case, Alan. We're talking about the first amendment here!"
Backwards and Wearing High Heels
Boston Legal, Alan/Denny, PG-13, 1202 words. Summary: "Anything Denny Crane can do, I can do backwards and wearing high heels."
"She's magnificent," Denny confided. "Like an amazon. She's tall," he added in that weirdly reverent way he had for the oddest quirks of human anatomy. If Denny was anything, it was an equal opportunity lecher. "And the jugs on her," he went on, cupping the air with his hands.
Little Miss Curious
Little Miss Sunshine, gen, Olive, OC, PG, 406 words. Summary: Here's Olive!
"A homophobe, Olive," Mr Bingle said with all the dignity he could muster, "is a person who has an irrational dislike of homosexuals. A homosexual," Mr Bingle said hurriedly in anticipation of Olive's next question, "is a man who likes men, and there's nothing wrong with that!"
Before You Understand
Little Miss Sunshine, gen-ish, Olive, subtle Frank/Richard, PG, 1166 words. Summary: Olive thinks Uncle Frank is weird, but the okay kind of weird.
Uncle Frank is weird, but he's the okay kind of weird. Not fun weird, like Pop Rocks, but okay weird, like Necco wafers. Or Dad's jazz. Dwayne says that's why he's staying with you for a while, "because he's found his own kind." You ask Mom what that means and she doesn't say anything. According to her, Uncle Frank needs some time to get back on his feet, but you know that can't be it. He can walk just fine.
Nine Steps in a Circle
Little Miss Sunshine, gen, Frank, Dwayne, PG-13, 5716 words. Summary: Frank and Dwayne try to figure out what comes next.
"No! Just, fuck!" Dwayne yelled, slamming the bedroom door. Frank tried to stay very still, but he'd probably jumped a little and he dropped his book. "Sorry," Dwayne said to him and, sitting down on his bed and pushing his hands back through his hair, added, "Fuck!" / "Would you like me to go somewhere else?" Frank asked. / "No." Dwayne lay down and stared at the ceiling. Frank tried to relax in his own bed, but [...]
breathlessly
Billy Elliot, Billy/Michael, G, 884 words. Summary: Billy and Michael may or may not run into each other in the middle of a street on a rainy day.
There is a chance this never happens, because later, later, later, in that next life, the one that comes after this, Billy has black and white paint on his hands, a forgotten lick along his jawbone, and Michael is holding a bouquet of flowers in his slightly trembling hands, smiling in a manner that's almost painful.
Paradise Lost
LOLcats, Basement Cat/Cheezburger Cat, Ceiling Cat, NC-17, 971 words. Summary: Being the story of one BASEMENT CAT, in which, through many travails and desperations, he attains his true desire. Warnings: exhibitionism, voyeurism, bdsm, topping from the bottom, rimming, whisker play, virgin-kink, hastily-researched feline homosexual practices.
It was the fifth of December, in the year of Ceiling Cat 18--, when a complete and most distressing melancholy swept over Basement Cat; his basement all at once too dark and close, the heat of the dryer oppressive and fetid.
Mission Report
3rd Rock from the Sun, Sally/Mary, PG, 982 words. Summary: The aliens discover Sexual Experimentation.
Report # (not sure, Tommy will tell you) for the Big Giant Head
Mission: Earth
Submitted by: Sally Solomon
Re: Lesbian Experimentation
And do the other things
3rd Rock from the Sun, Tommy, other characters, PG, 4277 words. Summary: Tommy is not from Mars; Tommy is also not from Venus.
The Information Officer filed his packet for retirement like two tube-weeks after the crew returned to Homeworld. Maybe less. Anyway it was a record turnaround. "I'm gonna build a little house, maybe on Lake Rutherford," he mused, cooing at the tiny pink hybrid Eric Travis and smooching him with all his purple tubules. "Make my own furniture, grill in the backyard, watch professional tetherball, you know, American dream." In reality, he missed his girlfriend.
Incalzando
Sherlock Holmes, Holmes/Watson, PG, 1044 words, some angst. Summary: On the anniversary of Mary's death, Holmes reflects on his relationship with Watson.
Another two hours. He doesn't need to see the clock; the waiting is etched in his bones and the angle of the sun on his face. Two hours until he has his Watson back in the flat. Two days, based on prior habit, until he has him back from the graveyard. Back from her.
Pursuit
The Fast and The Furious, Brian/Dom, PG-13, 11306 words, pre-slash.
Brian leaned against the wall and watched the passing cars. The wall was fucking uncomfortable and so were the pants, but the cars were sometimes hot enough to distract him - the occasional Apollo-modified Audi or tricked-out Impala made up for all the off-the-lot Lexuses, the Beemers, the yuppiemobiles driven by assholes looking for some cock to suck before they raced home to their Mrs. Asshole and 2.5 Assholes in Training.
The Birthday Party
Blackadder, series 2, gen, Blackadder, Queenie (Princess at the time), Baldrick, Percy, Melchett, PG, 4375 words. Summary: Twelve-year-old Edmund Blackadder dreads attending Lady Elizabeth's birthday party, but it turns out to be an interesting day indeed.
Edmund sighed again. "No, Baldrick. Lady Elizabeth is a princess, even if they don't call her that, and she chops people's heads off when they give her presents she doesn't like. Besides, she's a girl. Why would I want to go to a girl's party?" Edmund's lip curled, and he watched the apple peel fall onto the table in a spiral, then sliced the fruit into quarters.
Radished
Blackadder, series 3, gen, Blackadder, Baldrick, Prince George, PG-13, 2633 words. Summary: This is an imaginary epilogue to the events of "Amy and Amiability', in which, if you recall, Edmund Blackadder succeeded in collecting a £10,000 reward for the capture of Miss Amy Hardwood, also known as The Shadow. Of course he then immediately lost it to his idiotic employer Prince George.
Blackadder: [strikes him] No, it is not the same thing, really. I swindled him fair and square. Morally, in every sense that counts, that money is mine. Which is why, Baldrick, it is perfectly proper and right that we should have stolen these two fancy dress outfits and stupid hats, and that we should waylay his Royal Highness here on High Wycombe Heath and relieve him of that £10,000.
The Aunt and the Ankh
Jeeves & Wooster, gen-ish, Jeeves, Wooster, a hint of Jeeves/Wooster, PG, 5194 words. Summary: "It would seem that Miss Bassett has her heart set on an Egyptian-themed wedding." / "Will this involve everyone wrapping themselves in gossamer drapes and clasping asps to ye olde bosom?" / "I fear so, sir."
I assure you it was not in my plans to find myself, on the night of Madeline Bassett's wedding to the abominable Spode (round two), dressed in a skirt and clinging to the wall outside the window of her nuptial chamber of bliss. Had I been given the choice, I would have greatly preferred to be in the deepest jungles of Borneo, but alas, circumstances did not permit such luxury.
Jeeves and the Christmas Spirit, or, Turkey in the Offing
Jeeves & Wooster, gen, Jeeves, Wooster, G, 3002 words. Summary: Christmas at Brinkley Court. What could go wrong?
"I merely wished to suggest that Christmas might be more pleasant if we remained here rather than travelling to a house-party, sir. There is much to recommend the capital in the festive season. Moreover, I believe the party at Brinkley Court is to be large and, if I might speak frankly, sir, M. Anatole does not enjoy cooking Christmas dinner."