I really do love how my mother cannot even EAT without being a moron about it.

[vicious_lullaby]

My mother was making toast a bit ago, and the smell of it reminded me of an interesting anecdote.

…not surprisingly, seeing as my entire life is fucking crammed full of them, but y’know.

Anyroad!

Lately, my mother has developed a habit of dumping butter - real butter, not margarine or the fat-free kind we always used to keep in the house - into more or less everything. (I blame Paula Deen for this. Seriously. I am actually halfway glad she took us off the cable, because if I had to come downstairs to a main dish of butter with butter appetizers and a side of butter and PRETTILY MOULDED BUTTER FOR DESSERT Y’ALL~* on the television on more time, I think I would have thrown up.)

So, a while back, I asked her why she was no longer buying the fat-free stuff, as she is fucking forever whinging about her weight and yet nomming on butter now like it is her goddamn job.

And she looked at me

and informed me

in all fucking seriousness

that the fat-free butter would make her fat

whereas the real butter apparently would not.

…

Yeah.

AND SHE WONDERS WHY SHE CANNOT LOSE WEIGHT MY GOD YOU GUYS IT IS A MYSTERY~*