ACCIDENT PRON.
SO I AM ON THE PROWL FOR BADFIC YET AGAIN.
AND OH MY GOD HAVE I EVER UNEARTHED ANOTHER SPARKLING GEM.
I am unsure how it ranks against the epic competition-for-Tsuna’s-virginity fic that may make little to no sense; quite frankly, MY BRAIN IS FAR TOO BROKEN TO EVEN TRY AND JUDGE.
But either way, this one is entirely too good not to share. ♥
vicious-lullaby: Ichigo has fought many tough hollows...now he must face his most toughest challenge: The Devil!
LMFAO WAT
kiwikittyboy: ...???
vicious-lullaby: LMFAO I ALMOST WANT TO TRY READING THIS ONE
vicious-lullaby: LMFAO IT'S 65,963 WORDS
kiwikittyboy: WHAT
vicious-lullaby: THIS LOOKS AMAZING I MUST READ
kiwikittyboy: oh wow.
vicious-lullaby: ....lol so I guess it starts out with this epic description of hell
vicious-lullaby: and this bit is particularly impressive:
vicious-lullaby: Two strange figures stands in the middle of a canyon with chained sinners on the canyon walls, one looked like a six-foot monkey who wore a shogun's armor and had six tails. His skin was made of shadows and electricity, his eyes were made of the lightning that filled his Hell. The other figure was a pale man with long black hair, he had a big purple rope belt that held his clothes. He did not seem to be able to use his arms, they just hang there.
kiwikittyboy: ...
kiwikittyboy: wow.
vicious-lullaby: An hour later, a tornado broke out and quickly subsided revealing another devil came forth. He had the form of a human but had four wings, one of an eagle, one of a fly, one of a crow, and one of a dragon. He wore babylonian armor that also covered his face.
vicious-lullaby: are there seriously 65,963 words of this
kiwikittyboy: i could not possibly fathom how this could possibly go on for that long.
vicious-lullaby: "Do you think Aizen will ever be caught?" questioned Ichigo as he and Rukia were walking to school. "I don't know," Rukia answered, The cosmos is a great and vast thing, even bigger than space! I don't know if Aizen will ever be caught..." Ichigo looked at her will he walked, "So...He'll never be caught?" Rukia looked at him and smiled, "Don't worry, no one can be lost forever..."
...what an enlightening conversation.
kiwikittyboy: wat.
vicious-lullaby: .......LMFAO NOW THERE ARE NAZIS?!
vicious-lullaby: He was Eligos, the Demon of Wrath, The Furnace of Anger, the greatest general of the Prince of Darkness, the demon that no mortal or soul reaper could kill, even an angel had trouble with him in close-combat. He attacked all the soldiers with great ferocity and even greater anger, none of the soldiers could lay a hand on Eligos. As Eligos was strangling a german nazi, Virgil appeared behind him.
kiwikittyboy: WHAT IS THIS
vicious-lullaby: The man laughed softly, "Don't worry," the man spoke as he left his desk and went to a filing cabinet, looking for something, "I am a man with a concience, not like...your bosses, right? Anyway, I am known to show mercy to those that deserve it..." Suddenly, the man pulled out a revolver and shot the employee in the head.
vicious-lullaby: I AM SO LOST
kiwikittyboy: WTF
vicious-lullaby: .....LMFAO
vicious-lullaby: AND NOW ICHIGO HAS A RANDOM UNCLE?
vicious-lullaby: A JAPANESE UNCLE APPARENTLY
vicious-lullaby: NAMED KRAIK
vicious-lullaby: ???
vicious-lullaby: .........ohmygod.
vicious-lullaby: omfg I am about to start crying this is amazing XD;;;;;;;
vicious-lullaby: Ichigo walked through the street with a cake in his arms, he heard a crunching sound, a munching sound, a dreadful sound. He turned to another street to see something horrifying. He saw some dog, a black Great Dane, eating a dead human being, but something was strange about this dog.
kiwikittyboy: what - the - fuck.
vicious-lullaby: OH MY GOD AND IT GETS BETTER
vicious-lullaby: "Nice dog," said Ichigo, "No need to go crazy, now!" The hellhound stared at Ichigo. Ichigo started to move back, then the hellhound started growling and it's quills rose up. "This dog is not playing any games," Ichigo thought, "I better go into Soul Reaper mode. Besides, this is no normal dog, I mean, look at it! It has quills and glowing green eyes!"
vicious-lullaby: NORLY ICHIGO BB
vicious-lullaby: YOU DON'T FUCKING SAY
kiwikittyboy: LOL WTF
vicious-lullaby: ........LMFAO OH WELL THAT EXPLAINS IT CLEARLY WHOEVER WROTE THIS WAS REALLY FUCKING TRASHED:
Ichigo started thrashing around and yelling, trying to scare th hound away, but it did'nt work. After thrity minutes, Ichigo got tired and stopped, he wanted to keep going but he just did'nt have the energy.
kiwikittyboy: LOL >>
vicious-lullaby: LMFAO AND OKAY APPARENTLY THE SOUL SOCIETY (AFTERLIFE IN BLEACHVERSE) IS IN COMPETITION WITH HEAVEN TO SEE WHO CAN GET THE MOST SOULS OR SOME SHIT
vicious-lullaby: AND THE ANGELS ARE ALL BADASS
vicious-lullaby: AND TAUGHT THE SPARTANS HOW TO FIGHT.
kiwikittyboy: LOOOOL
vicious-lullaby: "They are all ruled by the Almighty, but you can call him God."
...WELL I SURE AM GLAD TO HAVE THAT CLEARED UP 8Db
vicious-lullaby: I WAS STARTING TO GET CONFUSED
kiwikittyboy: OH GOOD ME TOO
vicious-lullaby: "Hell is supposed to be the worst place in the whole omniverse, which is what holds all the other universes. Hell is were souls go when they commit crimes against mortality, have commited suicide, or have been sacrificed to the devils. Hell is ruled by Thirteen Devils of Hell, each devil rules his own level of Hell, which are different in each level.
kiwikittyboy: NO RLY
vicious-lullaby: Hell also has it's own belief in elements which are shadow, light, fire, sand, earth, death, nature, wind, ice, thunder, water, space, and flesh, blood, and bone, which each devil rules one of those elements. Demons, the creatures that live in Hell, live by almost no rules, except to follow the devils and to torture the damned, and they love torturing the damned.
vicious-lullaby: Demons are souless monsters that act like psychopaths with a huge sex drive, a massive ego, short tempers, and the need to kill and torture, they are pure monsters. The devils and demons are all ruled by the Prince of Darkness, Lucifer, who is said to be evil incarnate. Lucifer, along with the other devils, created demons in their own idea of what they think are better than humans. Fallen Angels, which are angels who followed Lucifer against God, also live in Hell.
vicious-lullaby: There are also fallen angels that are suppose to be the personifications of the seven deadly sins, they themselves are called, The Demons of Sin. I only encountered one of the Demons of Sin, which was Belphegor, the Demon of Sloth. Hell has almost no water, only blood, in fact, in most levels of Hell, they rain blood. Truly, Hell is the worst place in the omniverse."
vicious-lullaby: I WOULD NEVER HAVE GUESSED.
kiwikittyboy: GENIUS
vicious-lullaby: THIS FIC IS JUST CLEARING SO MUCH UP FOR ME, I MEAN REALLY.
vicious-lullaby: ....LMFAO RANDOM DEMONSEX SCENE
vicious-lullaby: "Why do I do this?" Lilith asked herself in her mind, "I...I can't...it feels so good! He is a dispicable...eh...asshole, why am...I...attracted to him, mm! Dammit! I...I...I have more willpower than this, why did I even join him in the first place...in...the first place! Aaah! It feels too good, I don't want him to stop, but I hate him so much! God! Why! Why! Why! Why did I sleep with him in the first place! Oh God!!"
vicious-lullaby: Lilith screamed, and Lucifer yelled, "HELL YEAH, BABY!!. "Heart-Shaped Glasses" was just coming to end as Lucifer got off of Lilith and landed on the other side of the bed. Their breathing was heavy and they were sweating a storm, Lilith pulled the covers to her shoulders. Lucifer had a pentagram on his right chest muscle and his arms were full of satanic markings. Lucifer grabbed his sunglasses from his shelf and started laughing, "Damn," Lucifer sighed, "That...was fun!"
vicious-lullaby: BRB DYING
kiwikittyboy: LOLOL WTF
vicious-lullaby: "Hey Orihime, are you going to be alright all alone tonight? It's raining like hell!" Tatsuki said over the phone. Orihime was at her desk doing her homework, she was wearing a T-shirt and shorts.
pfft, forget hell. clearly there is no greater danger than -- DUN DUN DUN -- INCLEMENT WEATHERZ. especially when one is wearing a T-shirt and shorts!
kiwikittyboy: oh i know. it's trufax.
vicious-lullaby: .....LMFAO SO THEN BEELZEBUB PUNCHES THROUGH ORIHIME'S WALL AND GRABS HER AND THEN SUDDENLY URYUU AND TATSUKI AND ICHIGO AND RUKIA AND SOME RANDOM OC ARE THERE TO ~*SAVE THE DAY*~ MOMENTS LATER DESPITE THE FACT NONE OF THESE PEOPLE LIVE WITH HER
vicious-lullaby: but really, the best part:
vicious-lullaby: Beelzebub laughed, this made Tatsuki even madder, she ran toward Beelzebub and punched at Beelzebub's stomach but did nothing. Beelzebub looked down at Tatsuki, and laughed again, suddenly, Beelzebub's arm that held Orihime fell off. Beelzebub looked at his arm and screamed in pain as blood gushed out and maggots and lard creeped out.
KICKING DEMON ASS PRODUCES LARD. I'LL REMEMBER THIS ONE FOR THE NEXT TIME MY MOTHER DECIDES I'M RANDOMLY POSSESSED 8Db
kiwikittyboy: I'm speechless.
kiwikittyboy: Completely.
kiwikittyboy: o_o
vicious-lullaby: I am crying.
vicious-lullaby: also I particularly enjoy this charming bit of narrative:
vicious-lullaby: "You think you scare me, you fat peice of shit!" Tatsuki yelled, she spat at Beelzebub and he ate it. He attempted to eat Tatsuki, but he banged his head on a barrier.
vicious-lullaby: I didn't even realise Orihime had cast a magical shield at first. I honestly thought he was just like...magically smashing his head into a counter or something for no apparent reason.
vicious-lullaby: ............WHY IS THERE NOW A GIANT BIRD NOMMING ON BEELZEBUB
kiwikittyboy: ???
vicious-lullaby: Beelzebub was about to eat Tatsuki until what appeared to be a big red bird with a long beak with sharp teeth-like parts that wore a soul reaper uniform and a zanpakto around his waist came in front of Beelzebub. The bird pecked at Beelzebub's eye as Beelzebub screamed in pain, maggots and blood gushing out. Beelzebub lost grip on Tatsuki and put his only arm on his destroyed eye as the bird flew away.
kiwikittyboy: what the fuck
vicious-lullaby: LMFAO AND THEN MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE TOO TO INVESTIGATE THE CORPSE AND EXPRESS HIS PROFOUND RELIEF THAT HE IS NOT AS HIDEOUS AS BEELZEBUB
kiwikittyboy: wow.
vicious-lullaby: granted that is more or less how he would react to seeing a dead demoncorpse randomly flung about, but -- yes. wow.
vicious-lullaby: ...
vicious-lullaby: l
vicious-lullaby: o
vicious-lullaby: l
vicious-lullaby: "I heard stories, I know you destroyed the satan-worshiping cities of Sodom and Grimore who's citizens tried to destroy Heaven with a powerful spell, you banished the Tower of Babel back to Hell before it could be built to open the gates of Hell, and that you killed every first-born in Egypt-"
kiwikittyboy: ...
kiwikittyboy: damn, my bible must be wrong
vicious-lullaby: inorite!
vicious-lullaby: Everyone looked at one of the walls and saw the bird that pecked at Beelzebub's eye. The bird jumped down and revealed to be about seven feet and eleven inches, his beak was about two feet and had a wierd horn-like part of his beak. He appeared to be smiling, he walked toward Ichigo and then opened his mouth, smiling even wider.
vicious-lullaby: The wierd part about this bird-man is that his beak was like skin, it moved like skin, but was hard as a real beak. The bird-man let out a weird screech and hugged Ichigo. The bird-man swung around Ichigo as the bird-man was laughing and as Ichigo was screaming. "Yay! Yayayayayayayayayaaaaay! Finally, I've heard so much of you! I can't believe I get to finally meet you!!" yelled bird-man.
vicious-lullaby: I am so happy that they clarified what exactly is weird about this.
vicious-lullaby: .........LMFAOOOOOOOO THE BIRD IS ICHIGO'S UNCLE.
kiwikittyboy: LOOOL
vicious-lullaby: The bird-man put a dazed Ichigo down, Ichigo regained concience, "Who the HELL are you!?" The bird-man looked at Ichigo, then his eyes started to water and he had a frown. "I c-can't b-b-believe," sniffed the bird-man, "I can't believe you don't remember your old uncle Kraik!" Ichigo was greatly shocked when Kraik said this.
vicious-lullaby: "WHAAAT!!" yelled Ichigo, "YOUR MY UNCLE KRAIK!!" Kraik nodded. "B-b-b-but how!?" asked Ichigo. Kraik paused, "You don't wanna know!" Kraik started walking around, looking at the ground. "MMMMMMmmmmm!" Kraik screeched, "Where are they? Where are they? Where the fuck can they be?"
vicious-lullaby: "What?" Toshiro. Kraik stared at him, "...My marbles!..." Toshiro slapped his forehead. Ichigo stared at Kraik in disbelief, "This guys insane!" Rukia walked next to Ichigo, "Well...he has to be...he's part of the Demon Corps." "The what?" "It's a special soul reaper squad that deals with demons, they have to enlist souls that are insane, Kraik happens to be the current leader."
vicious-lullaby: Kraik lifted his head, "Did someone call thy name? Cause if you did...I'LL EAT YOU WITH A CEREAL SPOON!!" Kraik had a serious face for a moment, but then started to laugh, and went back looking for his marbles.
vicious-lullaby: this is beautiful.
kiwikittyboy: it really is.
vicious-lullaby: "Well," Rukia says, "This was an eventful night!" "Yeah," Kraik said, "Ichigo almost was hellhound chow, Beelzebub almost ate some girls, Rukia got her arm bitten off, got it back, learned Ichigo's math teacher is a Seraph, aaaaand I shot my foot!" Ichigo rolled his eyes, he looked at Rukia, "Rukia, are you going to be all right?" Rukia smiled at Ichigo, "Don't worry, my new arm feels just like the old one, nothing different!"
kiwikittyboy: LOL
vicious-lullaby: I just hate it when that happens.
kiwikittyboy: me too.
vicious-lullaby: Kraik, next to Rukia, eating the potato chips, said, "Tell a better story, one about ponies...and sex...and japanese school girls...and a about a muskrat!" Rukia paused for a second, then just shook her head, suddenly she felt like she was being watched, she stopped and turned around to see if there is some one behind her, but no one was there. "Rukia," Ichigo asked, "Is everything alright?" Rukia paused, "No, Ichigo," Rukia answered, "Something in my gut tells me nothing is all right..."
vicious-lullaby: I didn't know this was about grammar hell as well!
vicious-lullaby: ........BEST FUCKING FAMILY REUNION EVER:
vicious-lullaby: "What if my brother doesn't remember me?" "Well-" Rukia said before she was interrupted by the door opening suddenly. "WELCOME HOME, KRAIK!" Isshin yelled. Karin and Yuzu were able to yell, "Welcome...", but saw what Kraik looked like, screamed, and ran from the door. Isshin ran outside and pulled Kraik's arm and pulled him inside. "I thought you wouldn't recognize me!" said Kraik as he was pulled in the house, "I had twenty liposuctions before I came here!"
kiwikittyboy: LAWL
vicious-lullaby: "Why didn't you tell me about this?" asked Ichigo. "Because you-STOP PECKING ME KRAIK! YOU SAID NO PECKING!-Because you didn't ask!" answered Isshin. "Speaking of pecans!" said Kraik, "Were is your demon tracking artifact, Isshin?" "Oh, I sold it," Isshin said sheepishly. "WHAT!?" Kraik yelled, "You are getting noogie for that!"
kiwikittyboy: O_o
vicious-lullaby: LMFAO AND OH NOW WE HAVE TRAUMATIC RAEPSTORIEZ APPARENTLY
vicious-lullaby: NO FIC IS COMPLETE WITHOUT ONE OF THOSE
kiwikittyboy: OH BOY
vicious-lullaby: Suddenly, Ichigo heard a noise from his closet, which is where Rukia sleeps. "...No," Rukia groaned, "...Get off me...leave me alone...no...no...help..." Ichigo heard Rukia let out a small shriek, Ichigo then walked toward his closet, opened it, and saw Rukia sitting up, sweating a storm, breathing hard, wide-eyed. "Are you ok?" Ichigo asked.
vicious-lullaby: Rukia shook her head, "Yeah, I'm fine...it's just..." Ichigo sat next to her, "You want to talk about it?" he asked. "I don't want to bother you..." answered Rukia. "I can handle it," Ichigo replied, Rukia took a deep breath. "Well...if you must know...someone once tried to rape me..." Ichigo looked shocked, "Who?" Rukia looked at her feet, "A demon, a dispicable demon, the fight with Beelzebub reminded me about him."
vicious-lullaby: wat
vicious-lullaby: ...
vicious-lullaby: new. favourite. typo.
vicious-lullaby: Suddenly, Beelzebub rised up from the blood fountain. 'You are accident pron!" growled Eligos.
kiwikittyboy: ...
kiwikittyboy: WIN
vicious-lullaby: I KNOW.
vicious-lullaby: But I have to ask you a question, do you know why God spared Lucifer?" said Mr. Andrews. Ichigo paused, "Because...I don't know!" answered Ichigo. "Because they were brothers," said Rukia. "What!?" exclaimed Ichigo.
kiwikittyboy: oh wow
vicious-lullaby: "Correct, Rukia!" said Mr. Andrews, "They were created by two entities not as powerful as God through intercourse, but created God out of love, and they accidentally created another child out of lust, which was Lucifer. God allowed his bastard brother to become the angel of death and high metatron of Heaven, of coarse, we knew what happened next!"
kiwikittyboy: OF COARSE
kiwikittyboy: how could i not know this
vicious-lullaby: "Hey Orihime," asked Rangiku, "Are you all right?" Orihime shook her head. "I always thought monsters were nothing but a fairy tale, now I know they exist," answered Orihime. "Monsters are tame compared to demons," said Toshiro. "Toshiro! Your going to scare her!" yelled Rangiku. "Sorry," Toshiro said. "Don't pay attention to him, he hates demons," said Rangiku. "They are an embarresment to life as we know it, they're freaks!" said Toshiro.
vicious-lullaby: orly Toshiro bb
kiwikittyboy: lol
vicious-lullaby: ......L O FUCKING L
vicious-lullaby: "Are you a demon?" Chad asked. Kraik stared at him for a while, then pecked at his hair, then flew away. "What a strange bird," said Chad. "Yeah, that's Kraik," said Orihime, "He's Ichigo's uncle." Chad stared at Orihime and paused, "I don't see the resemblence," Chad said.
kiwikittyboy: LAWL
vicious-lullaby: "Listen Ichigo," said Rukia, "Demon bars are a breeding ground for demonic criminals, they will kill you if you make the wrong move." "Yeah, but why would they go to a bar in the day?" answered Ichigo. "A lot of demons are raging alchoholics, they'd kill for a shot of vodka."
kiwikittyboy: *dying*
vicious-lullaby: OH HOORAY MOAR DEMONBATTLEZ
vicious-lullaby: "Pargzolzhalpargish..." Baphomet muttered. Suddenly, Ichigo was slammed to the ground by an unkown force. "Dammit! What the hell was that!" growled Ichigo. "Demon magic, fucker!" hissed Baphomet, "You are now in the presence of the great Son of Satan, the Goat of Mendes, the God of Magic, Baphomet!"
vicious-lullaby: "You think flying up in the air will stop me from slicing you in half!?" yelled Ichigo, Ichigo then shot a crescent-shaped blast from the tip of his blade, and hit Baphomet, but Baphomet only lost balance for a few seconds. "You stupid freak! I am the most toughest fallen angel in the whole omniverse! Dorvulshirlar!!"
vicious-lullaby: "While you were wasting time on me! Gulrazz probebly already found Rukai! Did that ever occur to you?" Baphomet growled.
vicious-lullaby: I love how even the apparent demonspeech was more coherent than that last bit of dialogue.
kiwikittyboy: oh yes.
vicious-lullaby: ...
vicious-lullaby: lol.
vicious-lullaby: "Alright, smart guy!" growled Ichigo, "Why are you after me?" Baphomet spat at Ichigo's face, Ichigo punched him across the face. "Talk!" yelled Ichigo. "Fuck your momma!" Baphomet yelled
kiwikittyboy: LOL >>
vicious-lullaby: LMAO I GIVE UP
vicious-lullaby: RUKIA NEARLY GOT RAPED YET AGAIN BY SOME DEMON WITH TENTACLES
vicious-lullaby: UNTIL CHAD CHARGED IN OUT OF NOWHERE AND PUNCHED SAID TENTACLERAEP DEMON IN THE FACE
vicious-lullaby: I FOLD.
vicious-lullaby: MY BRAIN NEEDS A BREAK BEFORE I RETURN THIS SHIRT (BECAUSE GOD KNOWS I WILL, BUT)
kiwikittyboy: just. wow. XD
vicious-lullaby: this has been incredible.
kiwikittyboy: absolutely. XD
…
Moar may be forthcoming, IF MY BRAIN EVER RECOVERS.
Holy shit.
…literally, more or less!
AND OH MY GOD HAVE I EVER UNEARTHED ANOTHER SPARKLING GEM.
I am unsure how it ranks against the epic competition-for-Tsuna’s-virginity fic that may make little to no sense; quite frankly, MY BRAIN IS FAR TOO BROKEN TO EVEN TRY AND JUDGE.
But either way, this one is entirely too good not to share. ♥
vicious-lullaby: Ichigo has fought many tough hollows...now he must face his most toughest challenge: The Devil!
LMFAO WAT
kiwikittyboy: ...???
vicious-lullaby: LMFAO I ALMOST WANT TO TRY READING THIS ONE
vicious-lullaby: LMFAO IT'S 65,963 WORDS
kiwikittyboy: WHAT
vicious-lullaby: THIS LOOKS AMAZING I MUST READ
kiwikittyboy: oh wow.
vicious-lullaby: ....lol so I guess it starts out with this epic description of hell
vicious-lullaby: and this bit is particularly impressive:
vicious-lullaby: Two strange figures stands in the middle of a canyon with chained sinners on the canyon walls, one looked like a six-foot monkey who wore a shogun's armor and had six tails. His skin was made of shadows and electricity, his eyes were made of the lightning that filled his Hell. The other figure was a pale man with long black hair, he had a big purple rope belt that held his clothes. He did not seem to be able to use his arms, they just hang there.
kiwikittyboy: ...
kiwikittyboy: wow.
vicious-lullaby: An hour later, a tornado broke out and quickly subsided revealing another devil came forth. He had the form of a human but had four wings, one of an eagle, one of a fly, one of a crow, and one of a dragon. He wore babylonian armor that also covered his face.
vicious-lullaby: are there seriously 65,963 words of this
kiwikittyboy: i could not possibly fathom how this could possibly go on for that long.
vicious-lullaby: "Do you think Aizen will ever be caught?" questioned Ichigo as he and Rukia were walking to school. "I don't know," Rukia answered, The cosmos is a great and vast thing, even bigger than space! I don't know if Aizen will ever be caught..." Ichigo looked at her will he walked, "So...He'll never be caught?" Rukia looked at him and smiled, "Don't worry, no one can be lost forever..."
...what an enlightening conversation.
kiwikittyboy: wat.
vicious-lullaby: .......LMFAO NOW THERE ARE NAZIS?!
vicious-lullaby: He was Eligos, the Demon of Wrath, The Furnace of Anger, the greatest general of the Prince of Darkness, the demon that no mortal or soul reaper could kill, even an angel had trouble with him in close-combat. He attacked all the soldiers with great ferocity and even greater anger, none of the soldiers could lay a hand on Eligos. As Eligos was strangling a german nazi, Virgil appeared behind him.
kiwikittyboy: WHAT IS THIS
vicious-lullaby: The man laughed softly, "Don't worry," the man spoke as he left his desk and went to a filing cabinet, looking for something, "I am a man with a concience, not like...your bosses, right? Anyway, I am known to show mercy to those that deserve it..." Suddenly, the man pulled out a revolver and shot the employee in the head.
vicious-lullaby: I AM SO LOST
kiwikittyboy: WTF
vicious-lullaby: .....LMFAO
vicious-lullaby: AND NOW ICHIGO HAS A RANDOM UNCLE?
vicious-lullaby: A JAPANESE UNCLE APPARENTLY
vicious-lullaby: NAMED KRAIK
vicious-lullaby: ???
vicious-lullaby: .........ohmygod.
vicious-lullaby: omfg I am about to start crying this is amazing XD;;;;;;;
vicious-lullaby: Ichigo walked through the street with a cake in his arms, he heard a crunching sound, a munching sound, a dreadful sound. He turned to another street to see something horrifying. He saw some dog, a black Great Dane, eating a dead human being, but something was strange about this dog.
kiwikittyboy: what - the - fuck.
vicious-lullaby: OH MY GOD AND IT GETS BETTER
vicious-lullaby: "Nice dog," said Ichigo, "No need to go crazy, now!" The hellhound stared at Ichigo. Ichigo started to move back, then the hellhound started growling and it's quills rose up. "This dog is not playing any games," Ichigo thought, "I better go into Soul Reaper mode. Besides, this is no normal dog, I mean, look at it! It has quills and glowing green eyes!"
vicious-lullaby: NORLY ICHIGO BB
vicious-lullaby: YOU DON'T FUCKING SAY
kiwikittyboy: LOL WTF
vicious-lullaby: ........LMFAO OH WELL THAT EXPLAINS IT CLEARLY WHOEVER WROTE THIS WAS REALLY FUCKING TRASHED:
Ichigo started thrashing around and yelling, trying to scare th hound away, but it did'nt work. After thrity minutes, Ichigo got tired and stopped, he wanted to keep going but he just did'nt have the energy.
kiwikittyboy: LOL >>
vicious-lullaby: LMFAO AND OKAY APPARENTLY THE SOUL SOCIETY (AFTERLIFE IN BLEACHVERSE) IS IN COMPETITION WITH HEAVEN TO SEE WHO CAN GET THE MOST SOULS OR SOME SHIT
vicious-lullaby: AND THE ANGELS ARE ALL BADASS
vicious-lullaby: AND TAUGHT THE SPARTANS HOW TO FIGHT.
kiwikittyboy: LOOOOL
vicious-lullaby: "They are all ruled by the Almighty, but you can call him God."
...WELL I SURE AM GLAD TO HAVE THAT CLEARED UP 8Db
vicious-lullaby: I WAS STARTING TO GET CONFUSED
kiwikittyboy: OH GOOD ME TOO
vicious-lullaby: "Hell is supposed to be the worst place in the whole omniverse, which is what holds all the other universes. Hell is were souls go when they commit crimes against mortality, have commited suicide, or have been sacrificed to the devils. Hell is ruled by Thirteen Devils of Hell, each devil rules his own level of Hell, which are different in each level.
kiwikittyboy: NO RLY
vicious-lullaby: Hell also has it's own belief in elements which are shadow, light, fire, sand, earth, death, nature, wind, ice, thunder, water, space, and flesh, blood, and bone, which each devil rules one of those elements. Demons, the creatures that live in Hell, live by almost no rules, except to follow the devils and to torture the damned, and they love torturing the damned.
vicious-lullaby: Demons are souless monsters that act like psychopaths with a huge sex drive, a massive ego, short tempers, and the need to kill and torture, they are pure monsters. The devils and demons are all ruled by the Prince of Darkness, Lucifer, who is said to be evil incarnate. Lucifer, along with the other devils, created demons in their own idea of what they think are better than humans. Fallen Angels, which are angels who followed Lucifer against God, also live in Hell.
vicious-lullaby: There are also fallen angels that are suppose to be the personifications of the seven deadly sins, they themselves are called, The Demons of Sin. I only encountered one of the Demons of Sin, which was Belphegor, the Demon of Sloth. Hell has almost no water, only blood, in fact, in most levels of Hell, they rain blood. Truly, Hell is the worst place in the omniverse."
vicious-lullaby: I WOULD NEVER HAVE GUESSED.
kiwikittyboy: GENIUS
vicious-lullaby: THIS FIC IS JUST CLEARING SO MUCH UP FOR ME, I MEAN REALLY.
vicious-lullaby: ....LMFAO RANDOM DEMONSEX SCENE
vicious-lullaby: "Why do I do this?" Lilith asked herself in her mind, "I...I can't...it feels so good! He is a dispicable...eh...asshole, why am...I...attracted to him, mm! Dammit! I...I...I have more willpower than this, why did I even join him in the first place...in...the first place! Aaah! It feels too good, I don't want him to stop, but I hate him so much! God! Why! Why! Why! Why did I sleep with him in the first place! Oh God!!"
vicious-lullaby: Lilith screamed, and Lucifer yelled, "HELL YEAH, BABY!!. "Heart-Shaped Glasses" was just coming to end as Lucifer got off of Lilith and landed on the other side of the bed. Their breathing was heavy and they were sweating a storm, Lilith pulled the covers to her shoulders. Lucifer had a pentagram on his right chest muscle and his arms were full of satanic markings. Lucifer grabbed his sunglasses from his shelf and started laughing, "Damn," Lucifer sighed, "That...was fun!"
vicious-lullaby: BRB DYING
kiwikittyboy: LOLOL WTF
vicious-lullaby: "Hey Orihime, are you going to be alright all alone tonight? It's raining like hell!" Tatsuki said over the phone. Orihime was at her desk doing her homework, she was wearing a T-shirt and shorts.
pfft, forget hell. clearly there is no greater danger than -- DUN DUN DUN -- INCLEMENT WEATHERZ. especially when one is wearing a T-shirt and shorts!
kiwikittyboy: oh i know. it's trufax.
vicious-lullaby: .....LMFAO SO THEN BEELZEBUB PUNCHES THROUGH ORIHIME'S WALL AND GRABS HER AND THEN SUDDENLY URYUU AND TATSUKI AND ICHIGO AND RUKIA AND SOME RANDOM OC ARE THERE TO ~*SAVE THE DAY*~ MOMENTS LATER DESPITE THE FACT NONE OF THESE PEOPLE LIVE WITH HER
vicious-lullaby: but really, the best part:
vicious-lullaby: Beelzebub laughed, this made Tatsuki even madder, she ran toward Beelzebub and punched at Beelzebub's stomach but did nothing. Beelzebub looked down at Tatsuki, and laughed again, suddenly, Beelzebub's arm that held Orihime fell off. Beelzebub looked at his arm and screamed in pain as blood gushed out and maggots and lard creeped out.
KICKING DEMON ASS PRODUCES LARD. I'LL REMEMBER THIS ONE FOR THE NEXT TIME MY MOTHER DECIDES I'M RANDOMLY POSSESSED 8Db
kiwikittyboy: I'm speechless.
kiwikittyboy: Completely.
kiwikittyboy: o_o
vicious-lullaby: I am crying.
vicious-lullaby: also I particularly enjoy this charming bit of narrative:
vicious-lullaby: "You think you scare me, you fat peice of shit!" Tatsuki yelled, she spat at Beelzebub and he ate it. He attempted to eat Tatsuki, but he banged his head on a barrier.
vicious-lullaby: I didn't even realise Orihime had cast a magical shield at first. I honestly thought he was just like...magically smashing his head into a counter or something for no apparent reason.
vicious-lullaby: ............WHY IS THERE NOW A GIANT BIRD NOMMING ON BEELZEBUB
kiwikittyboy: ???
vicious-lullaby: Beelzebub was about to eat Tatsuki until what appeared to be a big red bird with a long beak with sharp teeth-like parts that wore a soul reaper uniform and a zanpakto around his waist came in front of Beelzebub. The bird pecked at Beelzebub's eye as Beelzebub screamed in pain, maggots and blood gushing out. Beelzebub lost grip on Tatsuki and put his only arm on his destroyed eye as the bird flew away.
kiwikittyboy: what the fuck
vicious-lullaby: LMFAO AND THEN MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE TOO TO INVESTIGATE THE CORPSE AND EXPRESS HIS PROFOUND RELIEF THAT HE IS NOT AS HIDEOUS AS BEELZEBUB
kiwikittyboy: wow.
vicious-lullaby: granted that is more or less how he would react to seeing a dead demoncorpse randomly flung about, but -- yes. wow.
vicious-lullaby: ...
vicious-lullaby: l
vicious-lullaby: o
vicious-lullaby: l
vicious-lullaby: "I heard stories, I know you destroyed the satan-worshiping cities of Sodom and Grimore who's citizens tried to destroy Heaven with a powerful spell, you banished the Tower of Babel back to Hell before it could be built to open the gates of Hell, and that you killed every first-born in Egypt-"
kiwikittyboy: ...
kiwikittyboy: damn, my bible must be wrong
vicious-lullaby: inorite!
vicious-lullaby: Everyone looked at one of the walls and saw the bird that pecked at Beelzebub's eye. The bird jumped down and revealed to be about seven feet and eleven inches, his beak was about two feet and had a wierd horn-like part of his beak. He appeared to be smiling, he walked toward Ichigo and then opened his mouth, smiling even wider.
vicious-lullaby: The wierd part about this bird-man is that his beak was like skin, it moved like skin, but was hard as a real beak. The bird-man let out a weird screech and hugged Ichigo. The bird-man swung around Ichigo as the bird-man was laughing and as Ichigo was screaming. "Yay! Yayayayayayayayayaaaaay! Finally, I've heard so much of you! I can't believe I get to finally meet you!!" yelled bird-man.
vicious-lullaby: I am so happy that they clarified what exactly is weird about this.
vicious-lullaby: .........LMFAOOOOOOOO THE BIRD IS ICHIGO'S UNCLE.
kiwikittyboy: LOOOL
vicious-lullaby: The bird-man put a dazed Ichigo down, Ichigo regained concience, "Who the HELL are you!?" The bird-man looked at Ichigo, then his eyes started to water and he had a frown. "I c-can't b-b-believe," sniffed the bird-man, "I can't believe you don't remember your old uncle Kraik!" Ichigo was greatly shocked when Kraik said this.
vicious-lullaby: "WHAAAT!!" yelled Ichigo, "YOUR MY UNCLE KRAIK!!" Kraik nodded. "B-b-b-but how!?" asked Ichigo. Kraik paused, "You don't wanna know!" Kraik started walking around, looking at the ground. "MMMMMMmmmmm!" Kraik screeched, "Where are they? Where are they? Where the fuck can they be?"
vicious-lullaby: "What?" Toshiro. Kraik stared at him, "...My marbles!..." Toshiro slapped his forehead. Ichigo stared at Kraik in disbelief, "This guys insane!" Rukia walked next to Ichigo, "Well...he has to be...he's part of the Demon Corps." "The what?" "It's a special soul reaper squad that deals with demons, they have to enlist souls that are insane, Kraik happens to be the current leader."
vicious-lullaby: Kraik lifted his head, "Did someone call thy name? Cause if you did...I'LL EAT YOU WITH A CEREAL SPOON!!" Kraik had a serious face for a moment, but then started to laugh, and went back looking for his marbles.
vicious-lullaby: this is beautiful.
kiwikittyboy: it really is.
vicious-lullaby: "Well," Rukia says, "This was an eventful night!" "Yeah," Kraik said, "Ichigo almost was hellhound chow, Beelzebub almost ate some girls, Rukia got her arm bitten off, got it back, learned Ichigo's math teacher is a Seraph, aaaaand I shot my foot!" Ichigo rolled his eyes, he looked at Rukia, "Rukia, are you going to be all right?" Rukia smiled at Ichigo, "Don't worry, my new arm feels just like the old one, nothing different!"
kiwikittyboy: LOL
vicious-lullaby: I just hate it when that happens.
kiwikittyboy: me too.
vicious-lullaby: Kraik, next to Rukia, eating the potato chips, said, "Tell a better story, one about ponies...and sex...and japanese school girls...and a about a muskrat!" Rukia paused for a second, then just shook her head, suddenly she felt like she was being watched, she stopped and turned around to see if there is some one behind her, but no one was there. "Rukia," Ichigo asked, "Is everything alright?" Rukia paused, "No, Ichigo," Rukia answered, "Something in my gut tells me nothing is all right..."
vicious-lullaby: I didn't know this was about grammar hell as well!
vicious-lullaby: ........BEST FUCKING FAMILY REUNION EVER:
vicious-lullaby: "What if my brother doesn't remember me?" "Well-" Rukia said before she was interrupted by the door opening suddenly. "WELCOME HOME, KRAIK!" Isshin yelled. Karin and Yuzu were able to yell, "Welcome...", but saw what Kraik looked like, screamed, and ran from the door. Isshin ran outside and pulled Kraik's arm and pulled him inside. "I thought you wouldn't recognize me!" said Kraik as he was pulled in the house, "I had twenty liposuctions before I came here!"
kiwikittyboy: LAWL
vicious-lullaby: "Why didn't you tell me about this?" asked Ichigo. "Because you-STOP PECKING ME KRAIK! YOU SAID NO PECKING!-Because you didn't ask!" answered Isshin. "Speaking of pecans!" said Kraik, "Were is your demon tracking artifact, Isshin?" "Oh, I sold it," Isshin said sheepishly. "WHAT!?" Kraik yelled, "You are getting noogie for that!"
kiwikittyboy: O_o
vicious-lullaby: LMFAO AND OH NOW WE HAVE TRAUMATIC RAEPSTORIEZ APPARENTLY
vicious-lullaby: NO FIC IS COMPLETE WITHOUT ONE OF THOSE
kiwikittyboy: OH BOY
vicious-lullaby: Suddenly, Ichigo heard a noise from his closet, which is where Rukia sleeps. "...No," Rukia groaned, "...Get off me...leave me alone...no...no...help..." Ichigo heard Rukia let out a small shriek, Ichigo then walked toward his closet, opened it, and saw Rukia sitting up, sweating a storm, breathing hard, wide-eyed. "Are you ok?" Ichigo asked.
vicious-lullaby: Rukia shook her head, "Yeah, I'm fine...it's just..." Ichigo sat next to her, "You want to talk about it?" he asked. "I don't want to bother you..." answered Rukia. "I can handle it," Ichigo replied, Rukia took a deep breath. "Well...if you must know...someone once tried to rape me..." Ichigo looked shocked, "Who?" Rukia looked at her feet, "A demon, a dispicable demon, the fight with Beelzebub reminded me about him."
vicious-lullaby: wat
vicious-lullaby: ...
vicious-lullaby: new. favourite. typo.
vicious-lullaby: Suddenly, Beelzebub rised up from the blood fountain. 'You are accident pron!" growled Eligos.
kiwikittyboy: ...
kiwikittyboy: WIN
vicious-lullaby: I KNOW.
vicious-lullaby: But I have to ask you a question, do you know why God spared Lucifer?" said Mr. Andrews. Ichigo paused, "Because...I don't know!" answered Ichigo. "Because they were brothers," said Rukia. "What!?" exclaimed Ichigo.
kiwikittyboy: oh wow
vicious-lullaby: "Correct, Rukia!" said Mr. Andrews, "They were created by two entities not as powerful as God through intercourse, but created God out of love, and they accidentally created another child out of lust, which was Lucifer. God allowed his bastard brother to become the angel of death and high metatron of Heaven, of coarse, we knew what happened next!"
kiwikittyboy: OF COARSE
kiwikittyboy: how could i not know this
vicious-lullaby: "Hey Orihime," asked Rangiku, "Are you all right?" Orihime shook her head. "I always thought monsters were nothing but a fairy tale, now I know they exist," answered Orihime. "Monsters are tame compared to demons," said Toshiro. "Toshiro! Your going to scare her!" yelled Rangiku. "Sorry," Toshiro said. "Don't pay attention to him, he hates demons," said Rangiku. "They are an embarresment to life as we know it, they're freaks!" said Toshiro.
vicious-lullaby: orly Toshiro bb
kiwikittyboy: lol
vicious-lullaby: ......L O FUCKING L
vicious-lullaby: "Are you a demon?" Chad asked. Kraik stared at him for a while, then pecked at his hair, then flew away. "What a strange bird," said Chad. "Yeah, that's Kraik," said Orihime, "He's Ichigo's uncle." Chad stared at Orihime and paused, "I don't see the resemblence," Chad said.
kiwikittyboy: LAWL
vicious-lullaby: "Listen Ichigo," said Rukia, "Demon bars are a breeding ground for demonic criminals, they will kill you if you make the wrong move." "Yeah, but why would they go to a bar in the day?" answered Ichigo. "A lot of demons are raging alchoholics, they'd kill for a shot of vodka."
kiwikittyboy: *dying*
vicious-lullaby: OH HOORAY MOAR DEMONBATTLEZ
vicious-lullaby: "Pargzolzhalpargish..." Baphomet muttered. Suddenly, Ichigo was slammed to the ground by an unkown force. "Dammit! What the hell was that!" growled Ichigo. "Demon magic, fucker!" hissed Baphomet, "You are now in the presence of the great Son of Satan, the Goat of Mendes, the God of Magic, Baphomet!"
vicious-lullaby: "You think flying up in the air will stop me from slicing you in half!?" yelled Ichigo, Ichigo then shot a crescent-shaped blast from the tip of his blade, and hit Baphomet, but Baphomet only lost balance for a few seconds. "You stupid freak! I am the most toughest fallen angel in the whole omniverse! Dorvulshirlar!!"
vicious-lullaby: "While you were wasting time on me! Gulrazz probebly already found Rukai! Did that ever occur to you?" Baphomet growled.
vicious-lullaby: I love how even the apparent demonspeech was more coherent than that last bit of dialogue.
kiwikittyboy: oh yes.
vicious-lullaby: ...
vicious-lullaby: lol.
vicious-lullaby: "Alright, smart guy!" growled Ichigo, "Why are you after me?" Baphomet spat at Ichigo's face, Ichigo punched him across the face. "Talk!" yelled Ichigo. "Fuck your momma!" Baphomet yelled
kiwikittyboy: LOL >>
vicious-lullaby: LMAO I GIVE UP
vicious-lullaby: RUKIA NEARLY GOT RAPED YET AGAIN BY SOME DEMON WITH TENTACLES
vicious-lullaby: UNTIL CHAD CHARGED IN OUT OF NOWHERE AND PUNCHED SAID TENTACLERAEP DEMON IN THE FACE
vicious-lullaby: I FOLD.
vicious-lullaby: MY BRAIN NEEDS A BREAK BEFORE I RETURN THIS SHIRT (BECAUSE GOD KNOWS I WILL, BUT)
kiwikittyboy: just. wow. XD
vicious-lullaby: this has been incredible.
kiwikittyboy: absolutely. XD
…
Moar may be forthcoming, IF MY BRAIN EVER RECOVERS.
Holy shit.
…literally, more or less!