im worried

[vicious_eyes]

im sorry a lot of you have to hear this on live journal but i am contimplating suicide. i dont know why. i keep telling myself that everything is all right but i guess i have to hear that from the sorce. if she understands me. i hate it. not being able to control what i do. i am sitting here with my brothers carving tools actually thinking of doing it. after all i went through over the summer. i still feel sick and i had micah e-mail me the file private. if anyone wants to know what it is i am pretty sure you are all familiar with kalli. if not she killed herself and i will send you an email with the letter and the story. but yeah so i feel like shit even more now. hey my brother is sitting there making fun of me. if he only knew what i am holding. god this sucks. i want to feel happy. im tired of feeling sick. i need you aubrey. i want to hold you. i need your reasurrance. please call me. i dont like being alone. i hate it. i might have my brother here with me but i am alone. i am going to go and sit in his room. i have to get away from him. im sorry that i am a downer at the moment i cant help it. i just wanted everyone to know how i was feeling. i think it might be smart to let you all know. im sorry babe i want to be happy and hyper like you but i cant. i try and smile but it fades so fast. i hope you will call me and cheer me up. anyone but you mainly. i know you might be able to. i know i could of for her. but enough of that i feel like crap enough. i have to go. i can hardly type. my whole body is hurting. alright. good bye.
p.s. i love you babes. i always have and always will. you know that.