(no subject)

[vichywater]

I have yet to post anything on here for quite sometime this being due in some part to a lack of time, the relative nature of time, my increasing forgetfulness and the fact that due to winter the condition of my ailment seems to be aggravated. Nonetheless, I am most certainly alive as far as lungs breathing air and heart pumping blood goes. Sometimes, I seem so hollow and void of purpose that it proves difficult to breathe despite my many attempts at shrugging of the torpor of the week and inhaling through this cigarette's filter. The colors of winter -so poignant and vibrant at times often seem all too much to bare- then interspersed with the seeds of discontentment I find myself in various coffee houses flicking the last bits of sugar from their tiny packets and watching them fall into my paper/styrofoam/ceramic cup as I ponder how I got here. This "here" being both this location in the city and this point in my life. Decisions, thoughts, emotions, and influences all essentially leading to some overall trend that if plotted out upon some chart or graph would only cause me to momentarily grimace and promptly turn my head. When people and books and movies and stars are all that you find interesting or worth looking at for any length of time- what then happens when you find that you no longer want to concern yourself with any of these worldly/mundane happenings? Is life worth living if you constantly fill your days with drink and smoke? Conversely, is life worth living if in order to avoid the aforementioned question you must take a pill & or pills to be alright? I could go for two weeks of solitude and Gregorian chant and if I can't have that then give me a roadtrip to the seaside and the happy smiles of friends. What is all the merriment of Christmas about if I can only be christian two days a week? I just finished The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I think I can tackle the two remaining books that I am immensely looking forward to reading and still have time to browse through Le Monde while in class. Until next time . . .

another cigarette

another sip of coffee

another page

another glance

another song

another end.