Distractions.
My boss has captured my full attention. Intellectually stimulating. Expressive. Makes meaningful eye contact. Seems to be weilding recovery speak effectively. I feel a powerful, deep connection to him. The grief I felt over my previous favorite having been let go has been entirely erased. I still feel stirrings when I hear songs we sang. But I didn't want to have a difficult situation with him bc hes got young kids & their momma. I won't be the other woman again. Not after knowing how my marriage began & ended. This new person speaks my neurodivergent love language fluently... peppers in nerdcore & popculture & spiritual terminology. He stares at me & holds my gaze. Maintains a professional distance. I'm afraid that with him having studied my fb & spreading info about me so passionately to the team who I have yet to let in to my socials... it's exposing my interest in him. I want him divorced before I say or do anything. But like... it's so hard. I decided that he deserved to see me flirting with a female coworker over her boots. I feel nothing but platonic, playful vibes for her. But it gave me a wicked thrill to let him witness the interaction. I won't be that forward with him because he's my boss. But my god. I really found a person who energetically matches my vibe. People I flirt with at work im not serious about - it just to relieve the tension. Ah. That's it.
I remain terrified that I'll wind up having loose boundaries again or he'll use me.
I gotta trust myself. Not everyone will mistreat me.
In the meantime i have a manager pulling out all the stops to connect. I want to believe I'm not being lovebombed. It's fun & intense and thrilling.
The other day he was lamenting losing Olivia while maintaining unbroken eye contact with me. He was behind her talking about having to cope with falling in love with us & then we leave so soon. He never looked at her. He never broke eye contact with me.
I take periodic sunshine breaks. He'll be smoking outside & not talk to me but just watch me. Unbroken eye contact while i'm doing something i enjoy. I like the body doubling.
He'll watch me pull in and park in the morning... while he's outside smoking. Just makes eye contact. It's intense and I can't stop. I just have to clue him in... I want him to know I enjoy his attention. I don't want it to stop. I don't want him to stop. I want him to perform for me and leave nerdy Easter eggs for me with his every breath.
Watching Secretary as I type this fulfills my kink requirement. I haven't felt that in a long ass time. *deep breath*
Im distracting myself with dating apps. Preferring women or trans non cishet men. It's silly of me & hypocritical. What I really want is my boss.
Limerant object? Perhaps.
I remain terrified that I'll wind up having loose boundaries again or he'll use me.
I gotta trust myself. Not everyone will mistreat me.
In the meantime i have a manager pulling out all the stops to connect. I want to believe I'm not being lovebombed. It's fun & intense and thrilling.
The other day he was lamenting losing Olivia while maintaining unbroken eye contact with me. He was behind her talking about having to cope with falling in love with us & then we leave so soon. He never looked at her. He never broke eye contact with me.
I take periodic sunshine breaks. He'll be smoking outside & not talk to me but just watch me. Unbroken eye contact while i'm doing something i enjoy. I like the body doubling.
He'll watch me pull in and park in the morning... while he's outside smoking. Just makes eye contact. It's intense and I can't stop. I just have to clue him in... I want him to know I enjoy his attention. I don't want it to stop. I don't want him to stop. I want him to perform for me and leave nerdy Easter eggs for me with his every breath.
Watching Secretary as I type this fulfills my kink requirement. I haven't felt that in a long ass time. *deep breath*
Im distracting myself with dating apps. Preferring women or trans non cishet men. It's silly of me & hypocritical. What I really want is my boss.
Limerant object? Perhaps.