(no subject)
I wonder what's going on in my brain when I'm upset. Are the neurons struggling to rearrange themselves in a happier configuration? Or is it like an old abandoned well, with some murky stagnation at the wee bottom. I tried staring at the floor of my room for a long time while wearing sunglasses. It helped. It made me bored.
Boredom is a good feeling compared to crap. After staring at the floor of my room, I tried staring at the desk in the lobby. It wasn't as much help.
After saying nothing to Kyle for a few minutes I decided to go for a walk, to clear my head. Well, that's my excuse, but I always hope I'll bump into someone I want to talk to while I'm heading out. It has yet to happen.
I wonder when my livejournal will be about something other than girls or writing. Someday.
I went to the only place worth going right now. The forest. I wore the wrong shoes though. Honestly, I never thought i'd need more than one pair. I also never thought that i'd wind up staring at my floor hoping stuff would pop out. Or people would show up. I can't tell if I'm being active enough in the process that is my life. And my life's problems. Should I force myself into the lives of those whom communication is not so hot with?
It's a scary place, and I love it. I love sitting and adjusting to the sounds, the cool breeze. The fog, the reflected light in the sky, the darkness, the sudden jumps and startles I get from noticing things. The ground is so right, with just a bit of icy snow covering hard packed mud. It's very pretty, and enticing. And were my feet not wet, and were I not hopeful that someone will stop by, I would go back out there again tonight. I mayhap doso anyway, as the night is long and my classes are late.
At least I feel like communicating with my journal.
Boredom is a good feeling compared to crap. After staring at the floor of my room, I tried staring at the desk in the lobby. It wasn't as much help.
After saying nothing to Kyle for a few minutes I decided to go for a walk, to clear my head. Well, that's my excuse, but I always hope I'll bump into someone I want to talk to while I'm heading out. It has yet to happen.
I wonder when my livejournal will be about something other than girls or writing. Someday.
I went to the only place worth going right now. The forest. I wore the wrong shoes though. Honestly, I never thought i'd need more than one pair. I also never thought that i'd wind up staring at my floor hoping stuff would pop out. Or people would show up. I can't tell if I'm being active enough in the process that is my life. And my life's problems. Should I force myself into the lives of those whom communication is not so hot with?
It's a scary place, and I love it. I love sitting and adjusting to the sounds, the cool breeze. The fog, the reflected light in the sky, the darkness, the sudden jumps and startles I get from noticing things. The ground is so right, with just a bit of icy snow covering hard packed mud. It's very pretty, and enticing. And were my feet not wet, and were I not hopeful that someone will stop by, I would go back out there again tonight. I mayhap doso anyway, as the night is long and my classes are late.
At least I feel like communicating with my journal.