Sleep is for the Weak.
Every whisper of every waking hour,
I'm choosing my confessions.
For the few people who wait with enthusiastic impatience for me to post again (if such people do indeed exist), I must apologize.
It would seem the last few weeks have really gotten away from me.
School has begun kicking into overdrive. Auditions are finished, rehearsals will start soon. I've been elected as Anime in Northwest Ohio(our local little university anime club)'s Program Researcher, which means I'm also held responsible for acquiring all of the anime that we watch during meetings, find random grab-bag anime for after the regular shows are finished for the day, and attend all of the officer meetings. It's right around midterms, too. Oh, and I suffered a rather grave, important loss in the family recently. Anyone close to me knows about it, or has witnessed my reaction to it. This is probably not the place to ramble on for pages and pages about the sheer awesomeness of my grandmother, or the effervescent glow with which she lit up a room. For the time being, I will grieve in my own way, and I would appreciate it if you all would respect this and leave me alone to do as such.
As for the auditions, I got the parts I was most hoping for, so I suppose I couldn't be happier about it. It just happened that this all occurred right around the time I experienced the death in the family, so I was a bit spaced out during everything.
My only regret is that my performance at her funeral wasn't better. Her one dying wish (her ONLY dying wish, as I recall) was that I would sing Amazing Grace (as well as her favorite Methodist hymn) at the service for her. I put off practicing because I was in denial. I didn't want to think about it. I thought I could've done significantly better, but the relatives that bothered to mention it at all told me I did wonderful, and I didn't break down into a sobbing heap, so I suppose it could've gone worse. And David, bless his heart... He accompanied me on the piano for the service. He did something I almost didn't dare ask him to do because he knew I needed him, and because my mother couldn't afford to hire the church's accompanist to practice with me. I will never forget that he did that for me. That's the kind of thing that you just don't expect of people. You'd never think that someone would sacrifice themselves, and put themselves out of their comfort zone to that extent. I am fairly confident that I will have no way of ever truly repaying him for doing that for my family. It's just a shame she only met him a small handful of times before she died. I think she would've liked him. She probably would've told me he was too quiet, but that I'm the same way, so it didn't matter. I could go on and on about her, tell her life's story, but I'd just keep dragging this out. I wasn't even intending to speak about her at all. It just sort of...happened. I'll let it go for now. It's not a pleasing topic to talk about.
Anyway...
Auditions, right. The two main songs I'm involved in vocally this year are Lacrimosa (the second ending to Kuroshitsuji, for which I am singing lead), and Follow the Nightingale (from Tales of Innocence, for which I'll be doing backup). There are a few choral songs that I'll likely be involved in as well, and a few songs that will require clarinets. Hopefully those aren't too difficult for me to keep up with, as I've only been playing the clarinet for about four years, and even then, not much of that four years has been actual playing.
I'm an ANO officer now, and I rather think I like it. It feels pretty nifty to be involved in the behind-the-scenes of what goes on there. I like being a part of the planning stage for things. Mostly, I like feeling important and as though my opinion is valued. Though, I tend to be a bit quiet around officer meetings. This is probably because, of all the officers, Michelle is the one I'm closest to by an incredibly wide margin, and she tends to be as reserved as I am. I have a terrible habit of not speaking my mind if I don't have someone around to back me up or support me. I don't like rocking the boat, more often than not. I get along with the other officers well enough, though. I just don't quite know them as well...or at all, really. A few key personality traits of mine are also VASTLY different from one other officer in particular, and I'd really rather not start confrontations with her over little things. It's in my nature to be non-confrontational, even to the point of accidentally making a situation worse by doing so (just ask my last boyfriend... >____<; ). So, I suppose I'll just have to remain mostly quiet until needed, for now. It's a work in progress.
Also, I'm still on the ever-elusive hunt for the mysterious "job." Another place that I interviewed at a while ago ALSO ended up giving me the run around, so I've been steadily hunting elsewhere ever since. What with my father being laid off for December, not to mention using my parents' money for gas (and occasionally, food), I really need a source of income for myself. My mother doesn't mind me staying in Bowling Green all weekend, and for most of the day during the week, but she won't actually approve of me moving out until I have a job and can cover my fair share of the rent and utilities, not to mention paying the few bills that I actually have and have no way of keeping up with. The apartment's already begun to feel like a home away from home for me, but I tend to feel overwhelmingly guilty for staying there and not being able to at least pitch in some for rent yet. Well... I tended to feel overwhelmingly guilty, until I remembered that the others don't have jobs yet, either. I just hope we all find something soon. Ariel's got a job interview coming up soon. I don't think she'll have any trouble getting the job, but I'm REALLY hoping and praying she does, regardless. David... David has applied to nearly 70 different jobs, and still has NOTHING. I don't understand it at all. Then again, I also don't know what all sorts of jobs he's applied to, but he's got student loans and credit card bills to pay. Someone needs to hire him. As far as I know, Anthony's using loan money for now. I have no idea what his situation is. I suppose we'll all just have to keep plowing through and hope that something makes its way into our midst before long.
Oh, on a completely random note, I'm also currently taking voice lessons. Sort of. Steve's got a friend majoring in music education who needs to give someone eight voice lessons as a class assignment, and then give that person a lesson in front of the class to prove his teaching ability. Considering it's helping him finish his coursework, and it's getting me free pointers in how to fine-tune my singing, how could I say no? I believe the next lesson is where I'll start learning a song that he's choosing out for me. I have no idea what song it will be yet, but he DID mention a high probability of it being in Italian. I don't get to work with Italian songs very often, so that would be pretty exciting.
I wrote a review of the Kuroshitsuji anime for Anime Secrets some time ago, for those who are interested. I'll be writing another review soon enough (aka - when I have time...haha, right.), so I guess just keep your eyes peeled for it.
Other than all of that, I suppose the rest of life lately has just been trying to get through everything in the passing days without collapsing.
So far, so good.
I guess that's all for now, kids.
I'll keep you posted.
xoxo