Janeway: Generations Part 9
9
The Admiral took Phoebe to her favourite restaurant near the HQ where they enjoyed a wonderful lunch. Phoebe told Alynna about her work for the exhibition but soon discovered that the older woman wasn’t really following the conversation.
Putting her hand over Alynna´s Phoebe startled the Admiral from her thoughts.
“What is it? You seem distracted.“
Looking into a pair of concerned green eyes, Nechayev felt guilty for being so inattentive.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.“
“You are not“, Phoebe assured her with a squeeze of her hand, “you are worried. Maybe it helps to talk about it. I’m a good listener, you know.“
Looking into the artist’s eyes the Admiral could see that the offer was genuine. Maybe it wasn’t too bad to share the burden for a change. But did she have the right to do so? They have known each other for such a short time, Alynna wasn’t quite sure if she already had the right to share the hardships of her job. It was tempting, but she wasn’t ready.
Phoebe could see the fight going on within the other woman. While her expression remained neutral her eyes gave her away. Alynna´s eyes showed the internal struggle if she should share or keep everything to herself.
Stirring the older woman from her inner turmoil Phoebe once again gave the soft hand under her own a gentle squeeze to get Alynna´s attention.
“Hey“, Phoebe softly smiled. “You don’t have to tell me anything, if you don’t want to.“
“It’s not that, it’s just I...“ Alynna sighed at her inability to explain what was going on.
“I understand, I do. I just want you to know that I am here and I will listen. Okay?“
“Yes. Thank you.“ Now it was Alynna´s turn to smile one of her rare and soft smiles.
“You are welcome. Finish your lunch, Admiral!“ The artist ordered gently.
“Yes, ma´am!“ The older woman laughed.
Rolling her eyes at Alynna Phoebe was glad that they had mastered another hurdle in their blossoming relationship and that the Admiral hadn’t simply withdrawn but had at least tried. Maybe today wasn´t the day but Phoebe was convinced it would come.
After their lunch Alynna accompanied Phoebe to the transport station for her return to Indiana. Unsure how to say their good-byes in public the artist decided a kiss on the older woman’s cheek wasn’t too much but would let Alynna know how much she cared. Phoebe knew it was the right decision when she saw the warmth in the other woman’s eyes.
Before she stepped on the dais Phoebe, in her mother’s name, invited Alynna to dinner on Saturday, which the Admiral gladly accepted.
When she returned to her office the Admiral had to attend a meeting with the board of Admirals regarding the demilitarised zone. It went on for hours but to Alynna´s dismay most of her colleagues saw a bigger problem in the Maquis than the Cardissians. Although she had been one of those responsible for the Federation-Cardassian treaty after the war she didn’t trust them one bit. Obviously her fellow Admirals could be more easily swayed. It was decided to uphold the treaty and concern themselves with the Maquis who were their only chance to get the full picture of what was going on, at least in her opinion. It looked as if only a few saw the things her way. The meeting was adjourned and Owen Paris, Jeremy Ross and Kate Pulaski followed Alynna to her office.
The four Admirals shared a good whiskey and equally worried faces. None of them was in the slightest convinced that the right decision had been made.
“Jellico got his way after all“, Admiral Ross broke the silence.
“It seems so, yes.“ Nechayev had to agree.
“What are we going to do now?“ Owen Paris asked worriedly.
“What can we do, Owen?“ Jeremy Ross´ words were harsher than intended. “The decision has been made, end of the story. All we can do now is stick to it.“
“Alynna“, Paris turned to an awfully quiet Admiral Nechayev, “surely you don’t agree. There has to be something.“
Regarding the man with an icy glare Alynna Nechayev did of course not agree but to do so was too dangerous for all of them. What had to be done she had to do alone.
“Jeremy is right, Owen“, Nechayev confirmed. „The board made it very clear where our priorities lie now and we have to obey.“
“Well then.“ Admiral Paris bid his good night and together with Admiral Ross they left Kate and Alynna to themselves.
“Okay, spill it! You’re thinking of something, I can see it in your face.“ Kate wanted to know as soon as they were alone.
“Kate...“ Alynna´s voice made it clear it was a warning to let it go but the good doctor was having none of it.
“Don’t Kate me, Alynna! We are friends and as your friend I’m telling you you can’t always do everything on your own. So tell me about your plan!“
Sighing at her friend Alynna knew that Kate was right, she was just used to being a lonely fighter but it felt good to know that she didn’t have to be. Nearly as good as it had felt when Phoebe had offered to share with her. The thought of the young artist brought a smile to the Admiral’s face and melted away the ice in her eyes.
“All right, my friend.“ Alynna finally gave in. “It is my intention to visit DS9 as soon as Jellico is back and have a nice little chat with Commander Sisko. There are certain things he should know that I’m aware of and to assure him of my support.“
“I’m coming with you. My coming with you will make it less suspicious.“ Kate’s tone broke no argument and Alynna knew it would be pointless to even try.
“Why not?“
“Good. Now that it is settled, when will we start?“
“In about four days. The Sovereign has to be contacted, I have to make a few preparations and need to round up things here.“
“Right, so have I.“ Kate got to her feet. “It’s getting late. Gretchen is expecting me for dinner. Will you be there on Saturday?“
“Of course, I wouldn’t dare miss it.“ Alynna smiled.
“Good night, Alynna!“
“Good night, Kate!“
Admiral Nechayev knew she was in for another long night. Returning to her desk she sent her aide home and started on her work for the journey to DS9.
On Saturday afternoon the USS Sovereign entered earth orbit and Admiral Nechayev met with the Captain of her flagship. Plans were discussed and preparations were finished. The crew had been granted shore leave until Sunday 2000hours. Alynna was already running late for her dinner and left Captain Hitochi to tie the last few strings herself.
“Make sure everything is ready to depart on Monday 0800hours, Captain.“
“Yes, ma´am.“
“Oh, by the way, Admiral Pulaski will accompany us.“ The Admiral added in an afterthought.
“Understood.“
“Well, then, I see you on Monday, Captain.“ Alynna got up from behind her desk and led the Captain to the door.
“Aye, Admiral.“
“Good night, Captain.“
On her way out Captain Hitochi stopped and turned one more time. Looking at the Admiral before she found the courage to say what she wanted to say.
“May I say Admiral, it’s good to have you back on board again.“
Alynna smiled at the honest joy in the Captain’s face. The crew of the Sovereign were her most trusted and loyal officers. Ever since she had been the Captain of the ship herself Admiral Nechayev made sure they knew how appreciated they were. They also showed their fondness in return.
“It’s good to be back again. At least for a little while.“ Nechayev smirked.
“Good night, ma´am.“ The Captain left and the Admiral hurried to get to her dinner invitation.
She hated being late, especially this time. Alynna didn’t have time to shed her uniform, those were the times when she loathed being a Starfleet officer and an Admiral.
When Alynna arrived at Gretchen’s house Phoebe was already waiting for her. The younger woman didn’t seem angry though. Climbing the stairs with an apologetic expression Alynna was relieved when Phoebe smiled at her.
“Hi“, the artist welcomed the older woman. Phoebe was glad to see Alynna, she was more than glad, she was actually happy.
“Hey“, the Admiral greeted tentatively. Standing on the porch a few feet away from the swing where Phoebe was sitting.
“I apologise.“
“What for?“ Phoebe was confused.
“For being late, for still wearing uniform, for not bringing you flowers, for being me.“ Alynna sighed.
Looking down at her most interesting boots Alynna hadn’t noticed that Phoebe had gotten up from her seat and was now standing in front of her. Only when she felt a warm and tender hand on her cheek did she look up and got lost in two pools of emerald warmth.
“You are here now that’s all that matters and all I need.“ Soft lips covered her own and Alynna felt herself getting lost in their kiss. The artist deepened the kiss and it soon became more passionate. Finally they had to break apart for air and Phoebe led Alynna to the swing.
They sat down and the younger woman snuggled into Alynna with her head on the Admiral’s shoulder and her arm across the older woman’s belly. A content smile stole over Alynna´s face when she put her arm around Phoebe’s shoulder and rested her head on top of Phoebe’s.
Inhaling the older woman’s scent Phoebe closed her eyes to enjoy their closeness, listening to the steady beat of Alynna´s heart.
Dinner still took some time but Gretchen wanted to see if Alynna had already arrived. When she reached the front door, she saw it was open with only the screen door closed. Which was not surprising given the mild evening. What came more as a surprise was the picture of the two women on the porch swing.
Her fiery, feisty daughter was resting in the arms of Starfleet’s most despised and talented Admiral. Said Admiral had the most blissful smile on her face. Gretchen thought they looked good together, there was a certain calmness surrounding them. Maybe, just maybe, her stubborn, wilful daughter had finally found what she had been looking for.
With a slight shake of her head Gretchen returned to the kitchen. Kate stood at the stove an anxious expression on her face.
“Darling, are you sure I’m doing this correctly.“ The doctor asked unsure.
Embracing Kate from behind Gretchen rested her head on the other woman’s shoulder to peer into the pot with their dinner.
“You are doing great, my love.“ Gretchen whispered softly. Giving Kate a soft squeeze and kissing her neck she let go of her and took over.
“So, did Alynna arrive?“ Kate asked before she took a seat at the kitchen table.
“Yes.“
“Where are they?“
“Outside. They need some time to themselves.“ Gretchen looked wistfully. “Give them about ten more minutes and then get them, would you?“
“Of course, darling.“
As it turned out, it wasn’t necessary to fetch the two. Hunger and the delicious smell emanating from the kitchen drove them inside soon enough. The atmosphere at the dinner table was relaxed and the conversation was filled with laughter. The food was excellent and they all had a most wonderful time.
Soon after dessert Gretchen and Kate excused themselves and retired to their room which left Phoebe and Alynna alone in the living room.
Adding another log to the fire Phoebe was crouched in front of the hearth rubbing her sweaty palms on her jeans. From her place on the couch Alynna was watching the younger woman, clearly sensing her nervousness which added to her own.
“I have to return to San Francisco.“ Alynna suddenly blurted.
“No, please!“ Phoebe scrambled to her feet and rushed over to the couch, kneeling down in front of the Admiral, her hands lightly resting on the older woman’s thighs.
“Please, stay! I know you are not ready and to be quite honest neither am I. This isn’t something casual for me but I would like you to stay. I want to sleep in your arms tonight. Aly, please!“
Smiling at the younger woman’s nickname, the Admiral covered Phoebe’s hands with her own.
“Are you sure, darling?“
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.“
Getting to her feet Phoebe extended her hand and when Alynna took it she led them outside to the Admiral’s hovercraft to drive them to Phoebe’s house.
Using the replicator in Phoebe’s house Alynna got a light blue pyjama for herself before she entered the bathroom to change. When she returned to the bedroom Phoebe was resting against the headboard already waiting for her. Her green night-gown brought out the colour of her eyes which nearly took Alynna´s breath away. Phoebe was a vision with her flowing hair and pale skin.
Lifting the covers to invite the older woman in, Phoebe saw the insecurity in Alynna´s eyes.
“Come to bed, Aly, it´s late!“
Here it was again this nickname, the Admiral didn’t mind though. Actually she quite liked it. She climbed into bed next to the red haired beauty and wasn’t overly surprised when Phoebe instantly scooted closer and snuggled into her body.
“What’s with this Aly thing?“ Alynna couldn’t help but ask with humour in her voice.
“Do you mind?“ Phoebe looked worriedly into the older woman’s eyes, afraid she might have overstepped some boundaries. It was still early in their relationship, everything was still new.
“Not at all, darling. I guess I’m just not used to it. Nobody ever called me by a nickname.“
“Not even your father?“
“Especially not him“, the Admiral snorted.
“And your wife?“ Phoebe’s voice sounded small.
“No, darling, not even her. You are the first and I have to admit I like it.“ Alynna assured the younger woman.
“I’m glad“, Phoebe sighed and put her head back on the older woman’s chest.
“So am I, so am I.“
Together they drifted off to sleep, safe and secure in each other’s arms and the knowledge to have built another part of the fundament of their relationship.
Waking to the gentle breathing of another human being was an unfamiliar concept for the artist. But other than that it felt wonderful. Phoebe turned and was delighted to find Alynna still fast asleep. Propping her head on her left palm she silently observed the other woman, noticing the gentle rise and fall of her chest. One of Alynna´s hands was lying on her belly while the other was palm up next to her face.
Her head was slightly turned towards Phoebe and the artist took great pleasure in being able to map Alynna´s face with her eyes. Long lashes adorned her eyelids, the lines around her mouth and eyes were smoothed out and the woman looked much younger than her 50 years. She also seemed more carefree in sleep. Phoebe wished she could be like that when she was awake but the artist knew being an Admiral meant stress and worry without end.
Reaching out she tenderly brushed the hair from Alynna´s forehead and softly kissed the spot she had created.
Without disturbing the sleeping beauty Phoebe got out of bed. She showered and dressed into her favourite jeans and shirt before she wrote a note for Alynna, telling her to feel at home and to find her at her mother’s house when she woke up.
Although it was fairly early Phoebe knew her mother would already be up. It was a habit of the Janeway matriarch to be up at around six in the morning. Sunday wasn’t any different. So it was no surprise for Phoebe to find her mother in the kitchen sipping her first undisturbed cup of coffee.
“Hey, mom.“ Phoebe kissed her mother’s cheek before she grabbed herself a cup.
“Morning, darling.“ Gretchen on the other hand was very surprised to see her daughter that early in the morning.
“Isn’t it a bit too early for you?“
Sighing at her mother’s teasing Phoebe sank into the chair across from Gretchen. Taking a large swallow of the hot brew and looking awfully like a lost puppy.
Reaching over the table Gretchen covered Phoebe’s hand with her own, suddenly worried for her little girl.
“What is it, baby girl? Didn’t the evening turn out like you expected it to be?“
“It was nice, mom.“ Phoebe didn’t quite know how to tell her mother what was bothering her.
“Nice?“
“Yes.“ Gretchen was hard pressed not to laugh at her daughter’s dreamy expression, wondering if Phoebe knew what her face looked like right at the moment.
“We talked, we cuddled, we kissed.“
“But you didn’t do it.“ Gretchen cut to the chase.
“Mom!“ Phoebe nearly shouted.
“What? I didn’t raise you to be a prude. So don’t pretend otherwise!“
“I know, it’s just ...“ With a frustrated sigh Phoebe looked into her now empty cup.
“Come on, darling. Let’s get comfortable and then have a nice little girl talk.“ Gretchen stood and led Phoebe to the living room where they settled on the couch.
Gretchen was sitting on the comfortable couch with her daughter’s head in her lap softly stroking the unruly red curls.
“Tell me, baby!“ Gretchen softly encouraged.
“Just for the record, no we didn’t make love last night. There was a moment when I thought we would but then she nearly bolted from the room and I had to beg her to stay.“
Closing her eyes Phoebe remembered the look in the older woman’s eyes when she had turned from stoking the fire. She had looked very much like a deer caught in the headlights but there had also been something else, an underlying trace of desire and fear.
“Let me guess, you convinced her?“ Gretchen took a chance.
“Yes, I did. I even called her Aly.“ Phoebe smiled at the nickname, which had come naturally.
“And she lets you?“ Gretchen would have never guessed the Admiral would agree to such a thing.
“Yes, she likes it.“
“Will wonders never cease?“
“Mom!“ Phoebe playfully slapped her mother’s thigh. “She’s not like that.“
“I know. To be quite honest, I have always suspected as much.“ Gretchen thought of the scene she had witnessed only yesterday. Her daughter comfortably snuggled into the woman’s side, who everybody called the Ice Queen and said woman had the most blissful smile on her face.
“So what happened or more precisely why didn’t anything happen?“
Sitting up on the couch Phoebe played with her mother’s hand that had raked through her hair only moments ago. Finding it tremendously interesting.
Putting two fingers under Phoebe’s chin to raise her head Gretchen looked into her daughter’s teary eyes. Now she was worried, maybe she had been wrong all along and her feisty one had changed her mind.
“Baby girl what is it? What’s wrong?“
“I’m falling, mom. I’m falling hard.“ Phoebe got out in a rushed whisper before she was clinging to her mother’s neck. Crying hard not really knowing why.
“There, there“, Gretchen softly patted her back trying to calm the younger woman down.
So she had been right, surprised though by Phoebe’s reaction. Her little girl was falling in love, really falling in love and it scared the wits out of her. Falling for a Starfleet officer was adding to the stress Gretchen supposed.
“I told her it’s not casual to me and I want to fall asleep in her arms.“ Phoebe explained through her tears.
“And did you?“
“Yes. It was wonderful, mom. Waking up next to her was even better.“
“Do you desire her?“
“Yes, very much so.“
“Then why didn’t you make love to her, Phoebe?“
“What if she doesn’t feel the same? What if I do something wrong? What if I she finds me lacking? What if....“
“Stop it!“ Gretchen finally commanded. “Have you spoken to Alynna about your insecurities and fears?“
A shake of the head was her answer. Sighing at her daughter, Gretchen wondered what had happened to her straight to the point, no-nonsense daughter. Oh, yes, she was falling in love.
“Then talk to her! Tell her and together you will find a way.“
“You think so?“
“I know so.“
“Thank you, mom. I love you.“ Kissing her mother’s cheek Phoebe got up and flew out of the house. She needed to talk to Aly right now.
“I love you too.“ Gretchen said into the empty room. Shaking her head the Janeway matriarch climbed the stairs to her bedroom joining her sleeping lover under the sheets, pleased when Kate sought out her body without even waking up.
When Phoebe returned home she was glad to find Alynna still asleep. Leaning against the door frame she regarded the older woman with soft eyes. She would hold on to this, nothing in her life had ever felt so right. Pushing away from the door frame Phoebe walked towards the bed, she sat down next to the sleeping woman brushing her hand through soft blond hair. Smiling when Alynna slowly opened her eyes. A confused set of icy blues finally settled on her and when they recognised her they instantly grew warm.
“Hey“, the Admiral sleepily croaked.
“Hey yourself“, Phoebe smiled.
When Phoebe’s hand came to rest against her cheek Alynna covered it with her own, holding it in place and gently kissing the palm.
“What is it, darling? You look so serious.“
“We need to talk, Aly.“
“Okay.“ Bracing herself for what was to come, the Admiral scooted up to lean against the headboard. Fear was gripping her heart at what the younger woman might tell her. Did Phoebe want to end everything before it even started? Did she change her mind? She wouldn’t blame her, being involved with an officer wasn’t easy, being involved with her was probably unbearable. She had been late yesterday, she didn’t have time to change, in a nutshell she had been just herself. Phoebe had said she didn’t mind, maybe she had thought about it and decided the old battle-axe wasn’t worth the effort after all.
Phoebe was young and beautiful she could have every man or woman she wanted. Why would she want her? She would hurt, it would be agony but she would live. She was Admiral Nechayev, nothing could bring her down, right? Although she wasn’t so sure anymore.
When Phoebe wouldn’t speak Alynna tugged at her hand and encouraged her to come closer. Tugging the red head under her chin, Alynna closed her eyes and gently nudged Phoebe to talk to her.
“Tell me!“
“About yesterday, when I said I wasn’t ready, it was a lie.“ Phoebe said in a rush before she lost her courage.
“Go on!“ Alynna softly murmured.
“I wanted you so bad it scared me to death. I desire you but I was afraid that if we made love you would be disappointed and...“
Closing Phoebe’s mouth with a gentle finger, Alynna raised the younger woman’s head with her thumb under her chin.
“I could never be disappointed, why would you think such a thing?“ Alynna was honestly baffled, this was the last thing she had expected.
“Because I’ve never been with a woman before and you have. And it is so early in our relationship and I want it to be perfect. And what if you find me inadequate? And...“
Before the artist could go any further Alynna covered the tempting lips with her own. To shut her up and to show Phoebe how unfounded her worries were.
When they broke apart for much needed air Phoebe embraced the other woman and felt a heavy stone fall from her heart at the soft words whispered into her ear.
“When we make love it will be nothing but perfect, my darling. You are a beautiful, gorgeous woman who I desire tremendously. Don’t you ever think of yourself like that again! We’ll know when it is right, no pressure. I very much enjoy the early stages in our relationship, we are getting to know each other and when we are ready we’ll make love and believe me when I say whatever you will do will be wonderful.“
“Thank you, Aly.“ Phoebe nearly sobbed at the gentle words.
“Nonsense“, Alynna wiped away the tears from Phoebe’s cheeks. “Tell me, what do would you like to do for the rest of the day?“
“First we could have breakfast and then could take a walk down to the pond. Visit my mom and Kate for lunch and finally spend some time snuggling before you have to return to San Francisco.“
“Now that sounds like a plan.“
After a leisurely breakfast the women took a stroll to the pond, holding hands talking and laughing. Each could feel that their bond was slowly growing closer and stronger. Enjoying the quiet time and each other’s company regretting that those times were too few. Alynna realised as the day wore on that she was falling in love with the younger woman. It was exhilarating and frightening at the same time. The fiery redhead had knocked down all her defences and marched right through her carefully erected protective walls. She felt vulnerable but at the same time thrilled that a woman like Phoebe was interested in her and desired her. It had been too long since she had felt like that. Maybe Lwaxana was right, maybe this was the best thing that had ever happened to her.
It had been a wonderful day, saying good-bye was therefore bittersweet. Dressed again in her uniform Admiral Nechayev stood at the bottom of Gretchen’s porch her arms around Phoebe’s waist who stood on the first step, which brought them to the same level. The younger woman’s hands were linked behind her neck, her fingers playing with her hair.
“I should go“, regret coloured Alynna´s voice.
“I know“, Phoebe kissed her passionately. “Please, be careful!“
“I will, I promise.“ Alynna tightened their embrace one last time before she let go and climbed into her vehicle.
The journey to DS9 would be a long one that was for sure. Sighing at her fate the Admiral started the engine and left the Janeway estate to return to San Francisco and check in with Captain Hitochi to make sure they were right on time with the preparations.
TBC
The Admiral took Phoebe to her favourite restaurant near the HQ where they enjoyed a wonderful lunch. Phoebe told Alynna about her work for the exhibition but soon discovered that the older woman wasn’t really following the conversation.
Putting her hand over Alynna´s Phoebe startled the Admiral from her thoughts.
“What is it? You seem distracted.“
Looking into a pair of concerned green eyes, Nechayev felt guilty for being so inattentive.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.“
“You are not“, Phoebe assured her with a squeeze of her hand, “you are worried. Maybe it helps to talk about it. I’m a good listener, you know.“
Looking into the artist’s eyes the Admiral could see that the offer was genuine. Maybe it wasn’t too bad to share the burden for a change. But did she have the right to do so? They have known each other for such a short time, Alynna wasn’t quite sure if she already had the right to share the hardships of her job. It was tempting, but she wasn’t ready.
Phoebe could see the fight going on within the other woman. While her expression remained neutral her eyes gave her away. Alynna´s eyes showed the internal struggle if she should share or keep everything to herself.
Stirring the older woman from her inner turmoil Phoebe once again gave the soft hand under her own a gentle squeeze to get Alynna´s attention.
“Hey“, Phoebe softly smiled. “You don’t have to tell me anything, if you don’t want to.“
“It’s not that, it’s just I...“ Alynna sighed at her inability to explain what was going on.
“I understand, I do. I just want you to know that I am here and I will listen. Okay?“
“Yes. Thank you.“ Now it was Alynna´s turn to smile one of her rare and soft smiles.
“You are welcome. Finish your lunch, Admiral!“ The artist ordered gently.
“Yes, ma´am!“ The older woman laughed.
Rolling her eyes at Alynna Phoebe was glad that they had mastered another hurdle in their blossoming relationship and that the Admiral hadn’t simply withdrawn but had at least tried. Maybe today wasn´t the day but Phoebe was convinced it would come.
After their lunch Alynna accompanied Phoebe to the transport station for her return to Indiana. Unsure how to say their good-byes in public the artist decided a kiss on the older woman’s cheek wasn’t too much but would let Alynna know how much she cared. Phoebe knew it was the right decision when she saw the warmth in the other woman’s eyes.
Before she stepped on the dais Phoebe, in her mother’s name, invited Alynna to dinner on Saturday, which the Admiral gladly accepted.
When she returned to her office the Admiral had to attend a meeting with the board of Admirals regarding the demilitarised zone. It went on for hours but to Alynna´s dismay most of her colleagues saw a bigger problem in the Maquis than the Cardissians. Although she had been one of those responsible for the Federation-Cardassian treaty after the war she didn’t trust them one bit. Obviously her fellow Admirals could be more easily swayed. It was decided to uphold the treaty and concern themselves with the Maquis who were their only chance to get the full picture of what was going on, at least in her opinion. It looked as if only a few saw the things her way. The meeting was adjourned and Owen Paris, Jeremy Ross and Kate Pulaski followed Alynna to her office.
The four Admirals shared a good whiskey and equally worried faces. None of them was in the slightest convinced that the right decision had been made.
“Jellico got his way after all“, Admiral Ross broke the silence.
“It seems so, yes.“ Nechayev had to agree.
“What are we going to do now?“ Owen Paris asked worriedly.
“What can we do, Owen?“ Jeremy Ross´ words were harsher than intended. “The decision has been made, end of the story. All we can do now is stick to it.“
“Alynna“, Paris turned to an awfully quiet Admiral Nechayev, “surely you don’t agree. There has to be something.“
Regarding the man with an icy glare Alynna Nechayev did of course not agree but to do so was too dangerous for all of them. What had to be done she had to do alone.
“Jeremy is right, Owen“, Nechayev confirmed. „The board made it very clear where our priorities lie now and we have to obey.“
“Well then.“ Admiral Paris bid his good night and together with Admiral Ross they left Kate and Alynna to themselves.
“Okay, spill it! You’re thinking of something, I can see it in your face.“ Kate wanted to know as soon as they were alone.
“Kate...“ Alynna´s voice made it clear it was a warning to let it go but the good doctor was having none of it.
“Don’t Kate me, Alynna! We are friends and as your friend I’m telling you you can’t always do everything on your own. So tell me about your plan!“
Sighing at her friend Alynna knew that Kate was right, she was just used to being a lonely fighter but it felt good to know that she didn’t have to be. Nearly as good as it had felt when Phoebe had offered to share with her. The thought of the young artist brought a smile to the Admiral’s face and melted away the ice in her eyes.
“All right, my friend.“ Alynna finally gave in. “It is my intention to visit DS9 as soon as Jellico is back and have a nice little chat with Commander Sisko. There are certain things he should know that I’m aware of and to assure him of my support.“
“I’m coming with you. My coming with you will make it less suspicious.“ Kate’s tone broke no argument and Alynna knew it would be pointless to even try.
“Why not?“
“Good. Now that it is settled, when will we start?“
“In about four days. The Sovereign has to be contacted, I have to make a few preparations and need to round up things here.“
“Right, so have I.“ Kate got to her feet. “It’s getting late. Gretchen is expecting me for dinner. Will you be there on Saturday?“
“Of course, I wouldn’t dare miss it.“ Alynna smiled.
“Good night, Alynna!“
“Good night, Kate!“
Admiral Nechayev knew she was in for another long night. Returning to her desk she sent her aide home and started on her work for the journey to DS9.
On Saturday afternoon the USS Sovereign entered earth orbit and Admiral Nechayev met with the Captain of her flagship. Plans were discussed and preparations were finished. The crew had been granted shore leave until Sunday 2000hours. Alynna was already running late for her dinner and left Captain Hitochi to tie the last few strings herself.
“Make sure everything is ready to depart on Monday 0800hours, Captain.“
“Yes, ma´am.“
“Oh, by the way, Admiral Pulaski will accompany us.“ The Admiral added in an afterthought.
“Understood.“
“Well, then, I see you on Monday, Captain.“ Alynna got up from behind her desk and led the Captain to the door.
“Aye, Admiral.“
“Good night, Captain.“
On her way out Captain Hitochi stopped and turned one more time. Looking at the Admiral before she found the courage to say what she wanted to say.
“May I say Admiral, it’s good to have you back on board again.“
Alynna smiled at the honest joy in the Captain’s face. The crew of the Sovereign were her most trusted and loyal officers. Ever since she had been the Captain of the ship herself Admiral Nechayev made sure they knew how appreciated they were. They also showed their fondness in return.
“It’s good to be back again. At least for a little while.“ Nechayev smirked.
“Good night, ma´am.“ The Captain left and the Admiral hurried to get to her dinner invitation.
She hated being late, especially this time. Alynna didn’t have time to shed her uniform, those were the times when she loathed being a Starfleet officer and an Admiral.
When Alynna arrived at Gretchen’s house Phoebe was already waiting for her. The younger woman didn’t seem angry though. Climbing the stairs with an apologetic expression Alynna was relieved when Phoebe smiled at her.
“Hi“, the artist welcomed the older woman. Phoebe was glad to see Alynna, she was more than glad, she was actually happy.
“Hey“, the Admiral greeted tentatively. Standing on the porch a few feet away from the swing where Phoebe was sitting.
“I apologise.“
“What for?“ Phoebe was confused.
“For being late, for still wearing uniform, for not bringing you flowers, for being me.“ Alynna sighed.
Looking down at her most interesting boots Alynna hadn’t noticed that Phoebe had gotten up from her seat and was now standing in front of her. Only when she felt a warm and tender hand on her cheek did she look up and got lost in two pools of emerald warmth.
“You are here now that’s all that matters and all I need.“ Soft lips covered her own and Alynna felt herself getting lost in their kiss. The artist deepened the kiss and it soon became more passionate. Finally they had to break apart for air and Phoebe led Alynna to the swing.
They sat down and the younger woman snuggled into Alynna with her head on the Admiral’s shoulder and her arm across the older woman’s belly. A content smile stole over Alynna´s face when she put her arm around Phoebe’s shoulder and rested her head on top of Phoebe’s.
Inhaling the older woman’s scent Phoebe closed her eyes to enjoy their closeness, listening to the steady beat of Alynna´s heart.
Dinner still took some time but Gretchen wanted to see if Alynna had already arrived. When she reached the front door, she saw it was open with only the screen door closed. Which was not surprising given the mild evening. What came more as a surprise was the picture of the two women on the porch swing.
Her fiery, feisty daughter was resting in the arms of Starfleet’s most despised and talented Admiral. Said Admiral had the most blissful smile on her face. Gretchen thought they looked good together, there was a certain calmness surrounding them. Maybe, just maybe, her stubborn, wilful daughter had finally found what she had been looking for.
With a slight shake of her head Gretchen returned to the kitchen. Kate stood at the stove an anxious expression on her face.
“Darling, are you sure I’m doing this correctly.“ The doctor asked unsure.
Embracing Kate from behind Gretchen rested her head on the other woman’s shoulder to peer into the pot with their dinner.
“You are doing great, my love.“ Gretchen whispered softly. Giving Kate a soft squeeze and kissing her neck she let go of her and took over.
“So, did Alynna arrive?“ Kate asked before she took a seat at the kitchen table.
“Yes.“
“Where are they?“
“Outside. They need some time to themselves.“ Gretchen looked wistfully. “Give them about ten more minutes and then get them, would you?“
“Of course, darling.“
As it turned out, it wasn’t necessary to fetch the two. Hunger and the delicious smell emanating from the kitchen drove them inside soon enough. The atmosphere at the dinner table was relaxed and the conversation was filled with laughter. The food was excellent and they all had a most wonderful time.
Soon after dessert Gretchen and Kate excused themselves and retired to their room which left Phoebe and Alynna alone in the living room.
Adding another log to the fire Phoebe was crouched in front of the hearth rubbing her sweaty palms on her jeans. From her place on the couch Alynna was watching the younger woman, clearly sensing her nervousness which added to her own.
“I have to return to San Francisco.“ Alynna suddenly blurted.
“No, please!“ Phoebe scrambled to her feet and rushed over to the couch, kneeling down in front of the Admiral, her hands lightly resting on the older woman’s thighs.
“Please, stay! I know you are not ready and to be quite honest neither am I. This isn’t something casual for me but I would like you to stay. I want to sleep in your arms tonight. Aly, please!“
Smiling at the younger woman’s nickname, the Admiral covered Phoebe’s hands with her own.
“Are you sure, darling?“
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.“
Getting to her feet Phoebe extended her hand and when Alynna took it she led them outside to the Admiral’s hovercraft to drive them to Phoebe’s house.
Using the replicator in Phoebe’s house Alynna got a light blue pyjama for herself before she entered the bathroom to change. When she returned to the bedroom Phoebe was resting against the headboard already waiting for her. Her green night-gown brought out the colour of her eyes which nearly took Alynna´s breath away. Phoebe was a vision with her flowing hair and pale skin.
Lifting the covers to invite the older woman in, Phoebe saw the insecurity in Alynna´s eyes.
“Come to bed, Aly, it´s late!“
Here it was again this nickname, the Admiral didn’t mind though. Actually she quite liked it. She climbed into bed next to the red haired beauty and wasn’t overly surprised when Phoebe instantly scooted closer and snuggled into her body.
“What’s with this Aly thing?“ Alynna couldn’t help but ask with humour in her voice.
“Do you mind?“ Phoebe looked worriedly into the older woman’s eyes, afraid she might have overstepped some boundaries. It was still early in their relationship, everything was still new.
“Not at all, darling. I guess I’m just not used to it. Nobody ever called me by a nickname.“
“Not even your father?“
“Especially not him“, the Admiral snorted.
“And your wife?“ Phoebe’s voice sounded small.
“No, darling, not even her. You are the first and I have to admit I like it.“ Alynna assured the younger woman.
“I’m glad“, Phoebe sighed and put her head back on the older woman’s chest.
“So am I, so am I.“
Together they drifted off to sleep, safe and secure in each other’s arms and the knowledge to have built another part of the fundament of their relationship.
Waking to the gentle breathing of another human being was an unfamiliar concept for the artist. But other than that it felt wonderful. Phoebe turned and was delighted to find Alynna still fast asleep. Propping her head on her left palm she silently observed the other woman, noticing the gentle rise and fall of her chest. One of Alynna´s hands was lying on her belly while the other was palm up next to her face.
Her head was slightly turned towards Phoebe and the artist took great pleasure in being able to map Alynna´s face with her eyes. Long lashes adorned her eyelids, the lines around her mouth and eyes were smoothed out and the woman looked much younger than her 50 years. She also seemed more carefree in sleep. Phoebe wished she could be like that when she was awake but the artist knew being an Admiral meant stress and worry without end.
Reaching out she tenderly brushed the hair from Alynna´s forehead and softly kissed the spot she had created.
Without disturbing the sleeping beauty Phoebe got out of bed. She showered and dressed into her favourite jeans and shirt before she wrote a note for Alynna, telling her to feel at home and to find her at her mother’s house when she woke up.
Although it was fairly early Phoebe knew her mother would already be up. It was a habit of the Janeway matriarch to be up at around six in the morning. Sunday wasn’t any different. So it was no surprise for Phoebe to find her mother in the kitchen sipping her first undisturbed cup of coffee.
“Hey, mom.“ Phoebe kissed her mother’s cheek before she grabbed herself a cup.
“Morning, darling.“ Gretchen on the other hand was very surprised to see her daughter that early in the morning.
“Isn’t it a bit too early for you?“
Sighing at her mother’s teasing Phoebe sank into the chair across from Gretchen. Taking a large swallow of the hot brew and looking awfully like a lost puppy.
Reaching over the table Gretchen covered Phoebe’s hand with her own, suddenly worried for her little girl.
“What is it, baby girl? Didn’t the evening turn out like you expected it to be?“
“It was nice, mom.“ Phoebe didn’t quite know how to tell her mother what was bothering her.
“Nice?“
“Yes.“ Gretchen was hard pressed not to laugh at her daughter’s dreamy expression, wondering if Phoebe knew what her face looked like right at the moment.
“We talked, we cuddled, we kissed.“
“But you didn’t do it.“ Gretchen cut to the chase.
“Mom!“ Phoebe nearly shouted.
“What? I didn’t raise you to be a prude. So don’t pretend otherwise!“
“I know, it’s just ...“ With a frustrated sigh Phoebe looked into her now empty cup.
“Come on, darling. Let’s get comfortable and then have a nice little girl talk.“ Gretchen stood and led Phoebe to the living room where they settled on the couch.
Gretchen was sitting on the comfortable couch with her daughter’s head in her lap softly stroking the unruly red curls.
“Tell me, baby!“ Gretchen softly encouraged.
“Just for the record, no we didn’t make love last night. There was a moment when I thought we would but then she nearly bolted from the room and I had to beg her to stay.“
Closing her eyes Phoebe remembered the look in the older woman’s eyes when she had turned from stoking the fire. She had looked very much like a deer caught in the headlights but there had also been something else, an underlying trace of desire and fear.
“Let me guess, you convinced her?“ Gretchen took a chance.
“Yes, I did. I even called her Aly.“ Phoebe smiled at the nickname, which had come naturally.
“And she lets you?“ Gretchen would have never guessed the Admiral would agree to such a thing.
“Yes, she likes it.“
“Will wonders never cease?“
“Mom!“ Phoebe playfully slapped her mother’s thigh. “She’s not like that.“
“I know. To be quite honest, I have always suspected as much.“ Gretchen thought of the scene she had witnessed only yesterday. Her daughter comfortably snuggled into the woman’s side, who everybody called the Ice Queen and said woman had the most blissful smile on her face.
“So what happened or more precisely why didn’t anything happen?“
Sitting up on the couch Phoebe played with her mother’s hand that had raked through her hair only moments ago. Finding it tremendously interesting.
Putting two fingers under Phoebe’s chin to raise her head Gretchen looked into her daughter’s teary eyes. Now she was worried, maybe she had been wrong all along and her feisty one had changed her mind.
“Baby girl what is it? What’s wrong?“
“I’m falling, mom. I’m falling hard.“ Phoebe got out in a rushed whisper before she was clinging to her mother’s neck. Crying hard not really knowing why.
“There, there“, Gretchen softly patted her back trying to calm the younger woman down.
So she had been right, surprised though by Phoebe’s reaction. Her little girl was falling in love, really falling in love and it scared the wits out of her. Falling for a Starfleet officer was adding to the stress Gretchen supposed.
“I told her it’s not casual to me and I want to fall asleep in her arms.“ Phoebe explained through her tears.
“And did you?“
“Yes. It was wonderful, mom. Waking up next to her was even better.“
“Do you desire her?“
“Yes, very much so.“
“Then why didn’t you make love to her, Phoebe?“
“What if she doesn’t feel the same? What if I do something wrong? What if I she finds me lacking? What if....“
“Stop it!“ Gretchen finally commanded. “Have you spoken to Alynna about your insecurities and fears?“
A shake of the head was her answer. Sighing at her daughter, Gretchen wondered what had happened to her straight to the point, no-nonsense daughter. Oh, yes, she was falling in love.
“Then talk to her! Tell her and together you will find a way.“
“You think so?“
“I know so.“
“Thank you, mom. I love you.“ Kissing her mother’s cheek Phoebe got up and flew out of the house. She needed to talk to Aly right now.
“I love you too.“ Gretchen said into the empty room. Shaking her head the Janeway matriarch climbed the stairs to her bedroom joining her sleeping lover under the sheets, pleased when Kate sought out her body without even waking up.
When Phoebe returned home she was glad to find Alynna still asleep. Leaning against the door frame she regarded the older woman with soft eyes. She would hold on to this, nothing in her life had ever felt so right. Pushing away from the door frame Phoebe walked towards the bed, she sat down next to the sleeping woman brushing her hand through soft blond hair. Smiling when Alynna slowly opened her eyes. A confused set of icy blues finally settled on her and when they recognised her they instantly grew warm.
“Hey“, the Admiral sleepily croaked.
“Hey yourself“, Phoebe smiled.
When Phoebe’s hand came to rest against her cheek Alynna covered it with her own, holding it in place and gently kissing the palm.
“What is it, darling? You look so serious.“
“We need to talk, Aly.“
“Okay.“ Bracing herself for what was to come, the Admiral scooted up to lean against the headboard. Fear was gripping her heart at what the younger woman might tell her. Did Phoebe want to end everything before it even started? Did she change her mind? She wouldn’t blame her, being involved with an officer wasn’t easy, being involved with her was probably unbearable. She had been late yesterday, she didn’t have time to change, in a nutshell she had been just herself. Phoebe had said she didn’t mind, maybe she had thought about it and decided the old battle-axe wasn’t worth the effort after all.
Phoebe was young and beautiful she could have every man or woman she wanted. Why would she want her? She would hurt, it would be agony but she would live. She was Admiral Nechayev, nothing could bring her down, right? Although she wasn’t so sure anymore.
When Phoebe wouldn’t speak Alynna tugged at her hand and encouraged her to come closer. Tugging the red head under her chin, Alynna closed her eyes and gently nudged Phoebe to talk to her.
“Tell me!“
“About yesterday, when I said I wasn’t ready, it was a lie.“ Phoebe said in a rush before she lost her courage.
“Go on!“ Alynna softly murmured.
“I wanted you so bad it scared me to death. I desire you but I was afraid that if we made love you would be disappointed and...“
Closing Phoebe’s mouth with a gentle finger, Alynna raised the younger woman’s head with her thumb under her chin.
“I could never be disappointed, why would you think such a thing?“ Alynna was honestly baffled, this was the last thing she had expected.
“Because I’ve never been with a woman before and you have. And it is so early in our relationship and I want it to be perfect. And what if you find me inadequate? And...“
Before the artist could go any further Alynna covered the tempting lips with her own. To shut her up and to show Phoebe how unfounded her worries were.
When they broke apart for much needed air Phoebe embraced the other woman and felt a heavy stone fall from her heart at the soft words whispered into her ear.
“When we make love it will be nothing but perfect, my darling. You are a beautiful, gorgeous woman who I desire tremendously. Don’t you ever think of yourself like that again! We’ll know when it is right, no pressure. I very much enjoy the early stages in our relationship, we are getting to know each other and when we are ready we’ll make love and believe me when I say whatever you will do will be wonderful.“
“Thank you, Aly.“ Phoebe nearly sobbed at the gentle words.
“Nonsense“, Alynna wiped away the tears from Phoebe’s cheeks. “Tell me, what do would you like to do for the rest of the day?“
“First we could have breakfast and then could take a walk down to the pond. Visit my mom and Kate for lunch and finally spend some time snuggling before you have to return to San Francisco.“
“Now that sounds like a plan.“
After a leisurely breakfast the women took a stroll to the pond, holding hands talking and laughing. Each could feel that their bond was slowly growing closer and stronger. Enjoying the quiet time and each other’s company regretting that those times were too few. Alynna realised as the day wore on that she was falling in love with the younger woman. It was exhilarating and frightening at the same time. The fiery redhead had knocked down all her defences and marched right through her carefully erected protective walls. She felt vulnerable but at the same time thrilled that a woman like Phoebe was interested in her and desired her. It had been too long since she had felt like that. Maybe Lwaxana was right, maybe this was the best thing that had ever happened to her.
It had been a wonderful day, saying good-bye was therefore bittersweet. Dressed again in her uniform Admiral Nechayev stood at the bottom of Gretchen’s porch her arms around Phoebe’s waist who stood on the first step, which brought them to the same level. The younger woman’s hands were linked behind her neck, her fingers playing with her hair.
“I should go“, regret coloured Alynna´s voice.
“I know“, Phoebe kissed her passionately. “Please, be careful!“
“I will, I promise.“ Alynna tightened their embrace one last time before she let go and climbed into her vehicle.
The journey to DS9 would be a long one that was for sure. Sighing at her fate the Admiral started the engine and left the Janeway estate to return to San Francisco and check in with Captain Hitochi to make sure they were right on time with the preparations.
TBC