Fic: Family Arc II - 18
Title: Family Arc II - 18
Author: vic_sim
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. I apologise for any incorrect portrayal of people or any inaccurate details mentioned in my story.
Pairing: None at the moment.
Category: Angst
Rating: NC-16 (just to be safe)
Summary: Kibum and Hankyung attempt to figure out what was wrong.
Arc I Arc II
Kibum could only hold Kyuhyun in his arms from his position, whispering words into Kyuhyun’s ears.
“I’m here. I’m not leaving. Hannie is not leaving. We’re not leaving. You’re going to stay here. We’ll all be here.”
Kyuhyun continued to cry into Kibum’s chest, refusing to let go of Kibum’s shirt. Kyuhyun was really afraid that his hyung would vanish if he let go. His shoulders shook as the sobs wrecked through his body. Kibum had fallen to the ground when Kyuhyun suddenly flew into him. He lied on the ground with his arms around Kyuhyun, hugging Kyuhyun tightly, partly to prove to Kyuhyun that he was there, partly to prove to himself that Kyuhyun was there.
Hankyung walked towards the two, kneeling down beside them. He gently ran his hand through Kyuhyun’s hair, hoping to calm him down. He didn’t believe that all the crying was good for Kyuhyun when he was still sick. Kyuhyun showed no indication that he felt Hankyung’s hand on his head. Hankyung placed his other hand on Kibum, knowing that Kibum also required comfort. Kibum glanced up at Hankyung, gratitude in his eyes, despite the worry he still held for Kyuhyun.
Suddenly, Kyuhyun started coughing. He rolled off Kibum, crashing into Hankyung. Kyuhyun coughed harshly, curling into himself as the coughs got worse. Kyuhyun had one arm around his stomach and the other clenching his chest. Tears continued to flow as Kyuhyun coughed. Kibum hurriedly sat up, turning towards Hankyung. Hankyung had his hands on Kyuhyun’s shoulders, trying to get him to uncurl. He was not able to carry Kyuhyun when he was in that position.
“Kyu, hush, hush.” Hankyung said softly to Kyuhyun, trying to get the coughs to subside.
The coughs began to lessen, allowing Kyuhyun to uncurl a little. That was enough for Hankyung to carry him up. Kyuhyun grabbed Hankyung’s shirt as a sudden dizziness hit him when Hankyung stood up. Hankyung stayed still for a while, letting the giddiness pass for Kyuhyun. Hankyung walked towards the bed to place Kyuhyun on the bed. Kyuhyun had begun to shiver from being on the cold floor for too long despite wrapping himself with the blanket. Kibum quickly placed the blanket on top of Kyuhyun, adding another on top of the first one.
By then, Kyuhyun’s coughs had lessened. Hankyung placed a straw in front of Kyuhyun, wanting him to drink some water. Kyuhyun looked timidly at Hankyung before taking a sip of the water. Hankyung let Kyuhyun drink as much as he wanted before gently taking the straw away. Kyuhyun immediately lowered his gaze to his body as if he was afraid of making eye contact.
“Kyu, look at me.” Kibum said next to Hankyung, holding Kyuhyun’s hand.
Kyuhyun turned slowly to Kibum. What is he going to say?
“Kyu, tell me, tell us what happened. Why do you think we’re going to leave you?” Kibum pleaded, unable to see Kyuhyun looking so lost and so sad. Hankyung gave a gentle squeeze of Kibum’s shoulder, silently providing him strength.
Kyuhyun looked back down. He wanted to tell them, to have them comfort him, to tell him that it was not true. Yet on the other hand, Kyuhyun didn’t want to tell them. He didn’t want them to think that he was childish, to tell him that it was true, and to let them know exactly how much he cared because it would only be used against him. Do you think they actually care about what you think and feel?
“Kyu, we will still be here.” Hankyung spoke up.
“I had a dream.” Kyuhyun’s voice was soft. Kibum and Hankyung almost didn’t catch it. They leaned forward a little to listen.
“I dreamt that you all ignored me, that you left me alone. Yesung-hyung pushed my hand away. Kangin-hyung said that there was no need for me. You debuted as twelve and will remain as twelve.” Kyuhyun did not say the sentence that hurt him the most.
“There is no need for a thirteenth member.”
“It’s a stupid dream, right? I’m stupid to dream about it. It’s nothing serious.” Kyuhyun tried to pass it off as something that was just part of his imagination, laughing awkwardly.
Kibum and Hankyung were stunned. They didn’t know that Kyuhyun felt that way. Kibum believed that dreams reflected what someone felt. So the dream told him how Kyuhyun felt about their relationship with him. He never knew that Kyuhyun harboured such fear in him, didn’t know that Kyuhyun thought that he was simply an addition to Super Junior that could be easily subtracted off. Kibum wanted to scream that it was not true, that they would never abandon him, that he was not replaceable. But Kibum knew that none of his words would convince Kyuhyun of anything. It must be through their actions that would allow Kyuhyun to know that they would always be there.
Hankyung felt something pierce through his heart when Kyuhyun whispered the dream to them. To think Kyuhyun carried all this fear with him for god knows how long, and none of them knew anything about it. They should have suspected it, considering the fact that he entered last and was faced with all the controversies that revolved around the anti-fans. But no one knew. Hankyung was upset that Kyuhyun had such little trust in their relationship with each other as a group. But he could not bring himself to be angry at Kyuhyun. He knew somewhere in his heart that all this fear was largely a residue from his childhood. He knew that it would be a long time before they would be able to remove the entire residue, but for now, he was content to take the beginning steps to untangle the mess inside Kyuhyun to expose Kyuhyun to their love.
When Kyuhyun tried to deny his feelings by saying that his dream was stupid, Kibum couldn’t keep it in any longer.
“Cho Kyuhyun, don’t you dare try to deny your feelings. They are not stupid. They are legitimate. No matter how you feel, we will not laugh at you.”
Kyuhyun focused his eyes on Kibum in shock. Every time without fail when he used to tell his mother about his nightmares, his mother would laugh at him and say that he was such a childish kid, until Kyuhyun decided to deal with his nightmares on his own - by ignoring them to his best abilities. Yet now, here was Kibum-hyung telling him that it was okay to tell them his nightmares and that they would not laugh at him. Kyuhyun didn’t know who to believe - his mother or his hyung.
Believe the one who never made a major lie to you before. The sinister voice said. Kyuhyun was surprised that it actually gave a suggestion.
The one who has never lied to me. That would be Kibum-hyung. Kyuhyun concluded.
Are you sure he has never lied to you? Kyuhyun started to doubt his choice. He did lie to you. He said that he would always be there when you needed him, but he wasn’t. He broke his promise, just like your Jong-hyung. It’s your mother who never lied to you, always telling you the truth about yourself. Kyuhyun felt hurt that Kibum broke his promise to him. He must have been busy. Very busy.
Just like your mother? The voice said.
Kyuhyun shuddered as an image of him being ignored in favour of work flashed through his mind. No, Hyung would never do that, would he? Kyuhyun didn’t know what to believe anymore.
Tears emerged from Kyuhyun’s eyes silently, depicting the struggle in his head. Kibum didn’t know what to say anymore. He just stood there holding Kyuhyun’s hand as Kyuhyun stared straight ahead at the ceiling. Hankyung never said it out, but he was glad to see the tears rolling down. To him, that was evidence that somewhere in Kyuhyun’s heart he believed in their relationship, that he had hope in them. Hankyung kept silent, letting Kyuhyun let his emotions out of the tight box he kept them in.
As Kyuhyun cried, Kibum and Hankyung remained beside him. That struck something within Kyuhyun. They’re still around. They didn’t leave me. Kyuhyun could not suppress the hope that bubbled - the hope that his hyungs would remain with him, proving that voice wrong. Kyuhyun peeked from the corner of his eyes as his arm pulled inwards, when Kibum made to stand. But he stopped halfway realising that if his hyungs stayed too close to him, they would contract his flu as well. Kibum ignored the slight push on his arm as Kyuhyun tried to get Kibum to move further from him, choosing instead to wipe the tears off Kyuhyun’s face as he lifted the blanket to climb into the bed. Kibum lied down next to Kyuhyun, his arms strewn across Kyuhyun’s stomach and behind his shoulders. Right now Kibum didn’t care if he contracted the illness from Kyuhyun. So long as he was able to comfort Kyuhyun for that one night, and begin the long process of healing the wounds on Kyuhyun’s heart, he didn’t care.
“Sleep Kyu. You need to rest. Tomorrow we’ll continue the conversation.” Hankyung said before Kyuhyun could attempt to protest. Hankyung knew that Kyuhyun needed Kibum to stay with him that night. He knew that the dream was still fresh on Kyuhyun’s mind.
“Bummie, take care of Kyu k?” Hankyung ruffled both their hairs, smiling when he noticed the shy smile on Kyuhyun’s face. It was the smile Kyuhyun always had on his face when he first joined them - the one that found happiness in all the smallest actions they made. Back then, they had good-naturedly teased Kyuhyun about his smile. But now, Hankyung could guess the reason behind it.
Kibum nodded, keeping his hold on Kyuhyun. He hummed a song under his breath, not knowing that it was helping to shut the voice in Kyuhyun’s head. Hankyung turned to leave the room, trusting Kibum to take good care of Kyuhyun, and knowing that those outside the room must be anxious for any news. He took one last look at them before closing the door.
Kyuhyun had reached out a hand timidly holding on to Kibum’s shirt at the chest while Kibum kept his arms around Kyuhyun as if protecting him from the rest of the world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hankyung leaned against the wall outside of the room, trying to compose his feelings. He could still hear the sobs, the coughs and the words Kyuhyun said echoing in his mind. He did not even ponder about the reactions the rest were going to have when he told them that. Hankyung and Kibum didn’t suspect that Kyuhyun did not tell them the whole dream, but only part of it. When Hankyung entered the living room, everyone looked at him. Noticing the tired looks around, knowing that he was sporting the same look, Hankyung found himself a seat next to Heechul and Donghae.
“He’s asleep. Kibum’s with him.”
Everyone visibly relaxed, the high tension in the room slowly dissipated. Heechul was especially relieved. He was afraid that his quarrel might have affect Kyuhyun even more since it was rather loud. It was the first time Heechul had cried in front of them, cried tears of sadness in front of them. Heechul was upset at the whole situation, upset that Kyuhyun was hurt, that Kyuhyun was sad, that everyone was upset. Everyone had their breaking point and Heechul’s broke just now. His way to handle it was to lash out at something, which just now happened to be Kangin. Heechul was upset that he caused more sadness to his family instead of making it better. He didn’t bother to suppress the tears, knowing that it was time they flowed, if not he would lash out at even more people who didn’t deserve it.
“Why was he hiding in the corner?” Yesung asked. He had been wondering about that the whole time.
“He thought that we were not real. That we were just a dream.”
“Dream?” Sungmin asked, puzzled as to what exactly happened in his dream for such a drastic reaction.
“He dreamt that we left ignored him, that we left him. That Jongwoon shoved him away. That Youngwoon said that we didn’t need Kyu. That…” Hankyung looked towards the wall, unable to repeat the words. He knew that it would hurt them badly to hear these, and that it would hurt the most for Kangin.
“That what?’”
“That we debuted as twelve and will remain as twelve.” Hankyung mumbled, seeking comfort in Heechul. Hankyung shut his eyes and tilted his head towards the ceiling. He didn’t wan to see the emotions fly across their faces.
Kangin’s jaw dropped. That was why Kyuhyun was running from him. Because he thought that I said those words. Kangin wondered if he did anything that made Kyuhyun feel that way about him. The only incident was the one that occurred when Heechul was hospitalised. But I thought we have already resolved that issue. Kangin could not help but feel that the feelings Kyuhyun had were leftovers from the incident. We didn’t manage to get to the bottom of the story. I will show him that we are thirteen and not twelve.
Shindong and Sungmin leaned onto each other. We will never leave you. Shindong thought. He was determined to never let Kyuhyun feel that way again. Kyu, how did you manage to hide all these from us when we stay together? From now on, I’ll make sure that you won’t hide them anymore. Sungmin’s fist clenched together, feeling the need to punch something.
Siwon was shocked. He didn’t know that Kyuhyun had such little faith in himself in them that they would not leave him that easily. We’re like the three musketeers, only that we have thirteen. One for all and all for one. We will never leave another behind.
Eunhyuk wondered how Kyuhyun coped with the accident. Of all the times they had seen Kyuhyun, he just seemed to be having more and more problems piling on him. Eunhyuk wondered when they would stop. When Kyuhyun could stop hurting and begin his healing process. We will be there for you.
Donghae stared at the ceiling. Appa, can you help me? I really don’t know what to do. How can someone - someone like Kyu - have such parents? How can I help him? I don’t want to see him so hurt and vulnerable anymore. I don’t want to see anyone like that ever. Appa, please.
I should have known. Ryeowook muttered mentally. He knew that Kyuhyun was affected by the anti-fans when he first debuted with them. He just didn’t know that it was that serious that caused Kyuhyun to still be afraid that he could be taken off Super Junior. Because he always hid his reactions from everyone. That is going to change.
Heechul closed his eyes after he heard Hankyung’s words. He knew how Kyuhyun felt about being left behind. Heechul had felt the same way when he was hospitalised. He had felt so unneeded by the rest as he could not do anything. But for Heechul, someone had noticed his fears, had noticed that he was about to give up, had noticed that he needed comfort and reassurance. Kyuhyun. Heechul grasped Donghae’s hand tightly. Sorry Kyu, that I didn’t notice anything. That I was just concerned about myself. Heechul doubted that he had the courage to say that to Kyuhyun. And knowing Kyuhyun, he would probably turn it around to comfort me. Heechul shook his head slightly. This time round it’s my turn.
Eeteuk felt everything crushing down on him. There was so much that he did not know about their magnae, so much such that every discovery came as a shock to him. Eeteuk couldn’t see how Kyuhyun managed to make it through all these months carrying those fears in him, how Kyuhyun still managed to genuinely smile with them. Eeteuk marvelled at Kyuhyun’s inner strength, but he also knew that the strength came at a price. Kyuhyun kept everything within himself in order to survive, and now, everything was exploding in his face at the same time, forcing Kyuhyun to deal with them on top of his injuries. Even the strongest man would have fallen. Eeteuk was about to doubt his ability as a leader when Heechul’s words came to him.
“You cannot notice everything.”
“…like all leaders, they have a team to fall back upon when they get tired …”
“You are not alone.”
Eeteuk knew then that he alone could not make Kyuhyun realise how wrong he was to think that way. It was them as a team that would make Kyuhyun realise how much they needed him, just like how much he needed them.
my chapters are getting shorter and shorter!!!wahhh....! i promise i'll find the time to sit down long enough to write a chapter some day.
hope you find the chapter okay.
Author: vic_sim
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. I apologise for any incorrect portrayal of people or any inaccurate details mentioned in my story.
Pairing: None at the moment.
Category: Angst
Rating: NC-16 (just to be safe)
Summary: Kibum and Hankyung attempt to figure out what was wrong.
Arc I Arc II
Kibum could only hold Kyuhyun in his arms from his position, whispering words into Kyuhyun’s ears.
“I’m here. I’m not leaving. Hannie is not leaving. We’re not leaving. You’re going to stay here. We’ll all be here.”
Kyuhyun continued to cry into Kibum’s chest, refusing to let go of Kibum’s shirt. Kyuhyun was really afraid that his hyung would vanish if he let go. His shoulders shook as the sobs wrecked through his body. Kibum had fallen to the ground when Kyuhyun suddenly flew into him. He lied on the ground with his arms around Kyuhyun, hugging Kyuhyun tightly, partly to prove to Kyuhyun that he was there, partly to prove to himself that Kyuhyun was there.
Hankyung walked towards the two, kneeling down beside them. He gently ran his hand through Kyuhyun’s hair, hoping to calm him down. He didn’t believe that all the crying was good for Kyuhyun when he was still sick. Kyuhyun showed no indication that he felt Hankyung’s hand on his head. Hankyung placed his other hand on Kibum, knowing that Kibum also required comfort. Kibum glanced up at Hankyung, gratitude in his eyes, despite the worry he still held for Kyuhyun.
Suddenly, Kyuhyun started coughing. He rolled off Kibum, crashing into Hankyung. Kyuhyun coughed harshly, curling into himself as the coughs got worse. Kyuhyun had one arm around his stomach and the other clenching his chest. Tears continued to flow as Kyuhyun coughed. Kibum hurriedly sat up, turning towards Hankyung. Hankyung had his hands on Kyuhyun’s shoulders, trying to get him to uncurl. He was not able to carry Kyuhyun when he was in that position.
“Kyu, hush, hush.” Hankyung said softly to Kyuhyun, trying to get the coughs to subside.
The coughs began to lessen, allowing Kyuhyun to uncurl a little. That was enough for Hankyung to carry him up. Kyuhyun grabbed Hankyung’s shirt as a sudden dizziness hit him when Hankyung stood up. Hankyung stayed still for a while, letting the giddiness pass for Kyuhyun. Hankyung walked towards the bed to place Kyuhyun on the bed. Kyuhyun had begun to shiver from being on the cold floor for too long despite wrapping himself with the blanket. Kibum quickly placed the blanket on top of Kyuhyun, adding another on top of the first one.
By then, Kyuhyun’s coughs had lessened. Hankyung placed a straw in front of Kyuhyun, wanting him to drink some water. Kyuhyun looked timidly at Hankyung before taking a sip of the water. Hankyung let Kyuhyun drink as much as he wanted before gently taking the straw away. Kyuhyun immediately lowered his gaze to his body as if he was afraid of making eye contact.
“Kyu, look at me.” Kibum said next to Hankyung, holding Kyuhyun’s hand.
Kyuhyun turned slowly to Kibum. What is he going to say?
“Kyu, tell me, tell us what happened. Why do you think we’re going to leave you?” Kibum pleaded, unable to see Kyuhyun looking so lost and so sad. Hankyung gave a gentle squeeze of Kibum’s shoulder, silently providing him strength.
Kyuhyun looked back down. He wanted to tell them, to have them comfort him, to tell him that it was not true. Yet on the other hand, Kyuhyun didn’t want to tell them. He didn’t want them to think that he was childish, to tell him that it was true, and to let them know exactly how much he cared because it would only be used against him. Do you think they actually care about what you think and feel?
“Kyu, we will still be here.” Hankyung spoke up.
“I had a dream.” Kyuhyun’s voice was soft. Kibum and Hankyung almost didn’t catch it. They leaned forward a little to listen.
“I dreamt that you all ignored me, that you left me alone. Yesung-hyung pushed my hand away. Kangin-hyung said that there was no need for me. You debuted as twelve and will remain as twelve.” Kyuhyun did not say the sentence that hurt him the most.
“There is no need for a thirteenth member.”
“It’s a stupid dream, right? I’m stupid to dream about it. It’s nothing serious.” Kyuhyun tried to pass it off as something that was just part of his imagination, laughing awkwardly.
Kibum and Hankyung were stunned. They didn’t know that Kyuhyun felt that way. Kibum believed that dreams reflected what someone felt. So the dream told him how Kyuhyun felt about their relationship with him. He never knew that Kyuhyun harboured such fear in him, didn’t know that Kyuhyun thought that he was simply an addition to Super Junior that could be easily subtracted off. Kibum wanted to scream that it was not true, that they would never abandon him, that he was not replaceable. But Kibum knew that none of his words would convince Kyuhyun of anything. It must be through their actions that would allow Kyuhyun to know that they would always be there.
Hankyung felt something pierce through his heart when Kyuhyun whispered the dream to them. To think Kyuhyun carried all this fear with him for god knows how long, and none of them knew anything about it. They should have suspected it, considering the fact that he entered last and was faced with all the controversies that revolved around the anti-fans. But no one knew. Hankyung was upset that Kyuhyun had such little trust in their relationship with each other as a group. But he could not bring himself to be angry at Kyuhyun. He knew somewhere in his heart that all this fear was largely a residue from his childhood. He knew that it would be a long time before they would be able to remove the entire residue, but for now, he was content to take the beginning steps to untangle the mess inside Kyuhyun to expose Kyuhyun to their love.
When Kyuhyun tried to deny his feelings by saying that his dream was stupid, Kibum couldn’t keep it in any longer.
“Cho Kyuhyun, don’t you dare try to deny your feelings. They are not stupid. They are legitimate. No matter how you feel, we will not laugh at you.”
Kyuhyun focused his eyes on Kibum in shock. Every time without fail when he used to tell his mother about his nightmares, his mother would laugh at him and say that he was such a childish kid, until Kyuhyun decided to deal with his nightmares on his own - by ignoring them to his best abilities. Yet now, here was Kibum-hyung telling him that it was okay to tell them his nightmares and that they would not laugh at him. Kyuhyun didn’t know who to believe - his mother or his hyung.
Believe the one who never made a major lie to you before. The sinister voice said. Kyuhyun was surprised that it actually gave a suggestion.
The one who has never lied to me. That would be Kibum-hyung. Kyuhyun concluded.
Are you sure he has never lied to you? Kyuhyun started to doubt his choice. He did lie to you. He said that he would always be there when you needed him, but he wasn’t. He broke his promise, just like your Jong-hyung. It’s your mother who never lied to you, always telling you the truth about yourself. Kyuhyun felt hurt that Kibum broke his promise to him. He must have been busy. Very busy.
Just like your mother? The voice said.
Kyuhyun shuddered as an image of him being ignored in favour of work flashed through his mind. No, Hyung would never do that, would he? Kyuhyun didn’t know what to believe anymore.
Tears emerged from Kyuhyun’s eyes silently, depicting the struggle in his head. Kibum didn’t know what to say anymore. He just stood there holding Kyuhyun’s hand as Kyuhyun stared straight ahead at the ceiling. Hankyung never said it out, but he was glad to see the tears rolling down. To him, that was evidence that somewhere in Kyuhyun’s heart he believed in their relationship, that he had hope in them. Hankyung kept silent, letting Kyuhyun let his emotions out of the tight box he kept them in.
As Kyuhyun cried, Kibum and Hankyung remained beside him. That struck something within Kyuhyun. They’re still around. They didn’t leave me. Kyuhyun could not suppress the hope that bubbled - the hope that his hyungs would remain with him, proving that voice wrong. Kyuhyun peeked from the corner of his eyes as his arm pulled inwards, when Kibum made to stand. But he stopped halfway realising that if his hyungs stayed too close to him, they would contract his flu as well. Kibum ignored the slight push on his arm as Kyuhyun tried to get Kibum to move further from him, choosing instead to wipe the tears off Kyuhyun’s face as he lifted the blanket to climb into the bed. Kibum lied down next to Kyuhyun, his arms strewn across Kyuhyun’s stomach and behind his shoulders. Right now Kibum didn’t care if he contracted the illness from Kyuhyun. So long as he was able to comfort Kyuhyun for that one night, and begin the long process of healing the wounds on Kyuhyun’s heart, he didn’t care.
“Sleep Kyu. You need to rest. Tomorrow we’ll continue the conversation.” Hankyung said before Kyuhyun could attempt to protest. Hankyung knew that Kyuhyun needed Kibum to stay with him that night. He knew that the dream was still fresh on Kyuhyun’s mind.
“Bummie, take care of Kyu k?” Hankyung ruffled both their hairs, smiling when he noticed the shy smile on Kyuhyun’s face. It was the smile Kyuhyun always had on his face when he first joined them - the one that found happiness in all the smallest actions they made. Back then, they had good-naturedly teased Kyuhyun about his smile. But now, Hankyung could guess the reason behind it.
Kibum nodded, keeping his hold on Kyuhyun. He hummed a song under his breath, not knowing that it was helping to shut the voice in Kyuhyun’s head. Hankyung turned to leave the room, trusting Kibum to take good care of Kyuhyun, and knowing that those outside the room must be anxious for any news. He took one last look at them before closing the door.
Kyuhyun had reached out a hand timidly holding on to Kibum’s shirt at the chest while Kibum kept his arms around Kyuhyun as if protecting him from the rest of the world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hankyung leaned against the wall outside of the room, trying to compose his feelings. He could still hear the sobs, the coughs and the words Kyuhyun said echoing in his mind. He did not even ponder about the reactions the rest were going to have when he told them that. Hankyung and Kibum didn’t suspect that Kyuhyun did not tell them the whole dream, but only part of it. When Hankyung entered the living room, everyone looked at him. Noticing the tired looks around, knowing that he was sporting the same look, Hankyung found himself a seat next to Heechul and Donghae.
“He’s asleep. Kibum’s with him.”
Everyone visibly relaxed, the high tension in the room slowly dissipated. Heechul was especially relieved. He was afraid that his quarrel might have affect Kyuhyun even more since it was rather loud. It was the first time Heechul had cried in front of them, cried tears of sadness in front of them. Heechul was upset at the whole situation, upset that Kyuhyun was hurt, that Kyuhyun was sad, that everyone was upset. Everyone had their breaking point and Heechul’s broke just now. His way to handle it was to lash out at something, which just now happened to be Kangin. Heechul was upset that he caused more sadness to his family instead of making it better. He didn’t bother to suppress the tears, knowing that it was time they flowed, if not he would lash out at even more people who didn’t deserve it.
“Why was he hiding in the corner?” Yesung asked. He had been wondering about that the whole time.
“He thought that we were not real. That we were just a dream.”
“Dream?” Sungmin asked, puzzled as to what exactly happened in his dream for such a drastic reaction.
“He dreamt that we left ignored him, that we left him. That Jongwoon shoved him away. That Youngwoon said that we didn’t need Kyu. That…” Hankyung looked towards the wall, unable to repeat the words. He knew that it would hurt them badly to hear these, and that it would hurt the most for Kangin.
“That what?’”
“That we debuted as twelve and will remain as twelve.” Hankyung mumbled, seeking comfort in Heechul. Hankyung shut his eyes and tilted his head towards the ceiling. He didn’t wan to see the emotions fly across their faces.
Kangin’s jaw dropped. That was why Kyuhyun was running from him. Because he thought that I said those words. Kangin wondered if he did anything that made Kyuhyun feel that way about him. The only incident was the one that occurred when Heechul was hospitalised. But I thought we have already resolved that issue. Kangin could not help but feel that the feelings Kyuhyun had were leftovers from the incident. We didn’t manage to get to the bottom of the story. I will show him that we are thirteen and not twelve.
Shindong and Sungmin leaned onto each other. We will never leave you. Shindong thought. He was determined to never let Kyuhyun feel that way again. Kyu, how did you manage to hide all these from us when we stay together? From now on, I’ll make sure that you won’t hide them anymore. Sungmin’s fist clenched together, feeling the need to punch something.
Siwon was shocked. He didn’t know that Kyuhyun had such little faith in himself in them that they would not leave him that easily. We’re like the three musketeers, only that we have thirteen. One for all and all for one. We will never leave another behind.
Eunhyuk wondered how Kyuhyun coped with the accident. Of all the times they had seen Kyuhyun, he just seemed to be having more and more problems piling on him. Eunhyuk wondered when they would stop. When Kyuhyun could stop hurting and begin his healing process. We will be there for you.
Donghae stared at the ceiling. Appa, can you help me? I really don’t know what to do. How can someone - someone like Kyu - have such parents? How can I help him? I don’t want to see him so hurt and vulnerable anymore. I don’t want to see anyone like that ever. Appa, please.
I should have known. Ryeowook muttered mentally. He knew that Kyuhyun was affected by the anti-fans when he first debuted with them. He just didn’t know that it was that serious that caused Kyuhyun to still be afraid that he could be taken off Super Junior. Because he always hid his reactions from everyone. That is going to change.
Heechul closed his eyes after he heard Hankyung’s words. He knew how Kyuhyun felt about being left behind. Heechul had felt the same way when he was hospitalised. He had felt so unneeded by the rest as he could not do anything. But for Heechul, someone had noticed his fears, had noticed that he was about to give up, had noticed that he needed comfort and reassurance. Kyuhyun. Heechul grasped Donghae’s hand tightly. Sorry Kyu, that I didn’t notice anything. That I was just concerned about myself. Heechul doubted that he had the courage to say that to Kyuhyun. And knowing Kyuhyun, he would probably turn it around to comfort me. Heechul shook his head slightly. This time round it’s my turn.
Eeteuk felt everything crushing down on him. There was so much that he did not know about their magnae, so much such that every discovery came as a shock to him. Eeteuk couldn’t see how Kyuhyun managed to make it through all these months carrying those fears in him, how Kyuhyun still managed to genuinely smile with them. Eeteuk marvelled at Kyuhyun’s inner strength, but he also knew that the strength came at a price. Kyuhyun kept everything within himself in order to survive, and now, everything was exploding in his face at the same time, forcing Kyuhyun to deal with them on top of his injuries. Even the strongest man would have fallen. Eeteuk was about to doubt his ability as a leader when Heechul’s words came to him.
“You cannot notice everything.”
“…like all leaders, they have a team to fall back upon when they get tired …”
“You are not alone.”
Eeteuk knew then that he alone could not make Kyuhyun realise how wrong he was to think that way. It was them as a team that would make Kyuhyun realise how much they needed him, just like how much he needed them.
my chapters are getting shorter and shorter!!!wahhh....! i promise i'll find the time to sit down long enough to write a chapter some day.
hope you find the chapter okay.