-=News Flash
Alright. So I haven't updated in a very long time. That's because I've been extremely busy these past few weeks, and I think it's just going to get worse and worse as we draw near our fall semester. But before that happens, I would like to write a few News Flash entries here. I think it's about time I cheer you guys up, eh? So here goes nothing. Let's start you guys off with a subject that we all can relate: sex.
-=News Flash: Emergency hotlines are for emergency ONLY!
Police in the German city of Aachen received an unusual call for help late Wednesday when a woman telephoned to complain her husband was not fulfilling his sexual obligations. Now, come on! Some pregnant lady could be on top of a burning building, and some lady calls the emergency hotline all because her husband won't satisfy her need???
Well, reports say that the couple had been sleeping in separate beds for several months without intimate contact. And when she has had enough, the 44-year-old woman woke the husband, 45, in the middle of the night and demanded he satisfy her needs! Wow! If only I have a girlfriend like that. But in all seriousness, dear lady, if your husband doesn't want to sleep with you, then maybe there's a pretty damn good reason why. And I believe the answer could be found by looking in the mirror.
-=News Flash: People in Europe have to either get married or hire a prostitute.
Just when you think it couldn't get any worse. After spanking, four-in-a-bed sex, ice cubes rubbed over naked bodies, a charismatic politician, his glamorous wife and a former prostitute called "Christy Babe"... I seriously thought that was the end of it! But obviously not. Even by the standards of British political sex scandals, the allegations made in court over the past month during the case of Scottish politician Tommy Sheridan have been salacious.
Now if you're wondering who Sheridan is, he's the 42-year-old socialist member of the Scottish parliament with a round-the-year suntan and a taste for sharp suits. He's suing the News of the World newspaper over allegations it made in 2004, under headlines like "My kinky 4-in-a-bed orgy with Tommy." But of course, the newspaper is taking a stand. It claims that Sheridan cheated on his wife and went to seedy night clubs for group sex. When I saw this coming up on the news again, I just kind of scratched my head. I thought "Oh no, not this shit again." Seriously guys, it's getting old.
They've been going back and forth about this for, what, 2 years now? Jeeze. The newspaper claims one thing, and Sheradin claims another. Sheridan denies the claims and is seeking damages. In doing so, he has opened a Pandora's Box of colorful accusations and denials, all reported in full by Britain's tabloid newspapers.
Talk about taking it to the extremes. Wow. Excuse me, Mr. Sheradin? I think I have the ultimate solution for you: move to Italy. Seriously, nobody could and would give a shit who you fuck over there. I mean the Prime Minister owns a yatch and fucks his wife in it, and nobody cares. Why? Because it's "le amor'e." You can move there, or just move here in America! Cheat on your wife all you want. We have the best lawyers here! If Michael Jackson can get away of... letting underage boys drink to "loosen them up" and touching them against their will later on... I'm pretty damn sure you could get away with cheating on your wife here. Welcome to America, Mr. Sheradin.
"From four in a bed to five in a bed. From five in a bed to sex clubs, from sex clubs to champagne, from champagne to cocaine and from cocaine to orgies in a hotel slap bang in the middle of Glasgow. The allegations in the course of this case have been as numerous as grains of sand in the Sahara Desert."
- Sheradin.
What a poor guy. Seriously man, for someone who's just trying to have fun, you're going through a lot of drama. Let's get this guy laid here, huh? What do you say?
He kind of reminds me of Clinton in a way. ALl they both did was... have fun! And now they're getting their asses chewed by the media. Mr. Sheradin, I'll see you in Cancun on Spring Break '07. If I dump into you, I'll even buy you a drink.
and to wrap things up for tonight...
-=News Flash: God can't arrest your most wanted criminal.
Hahahaha get this! Reports say that police in eastern England are looking to God to help them catch vandals and burglars. Wow... um, he won't answer. You prayed to him during the crusades and not much happened. And that was the CRUSADES! What makes you think he'll answer you now?!
The Lincolnshire branch of the Christian Police Association is setting up a "Prayer Watch" scheme to alert Christians to local crimes. A prayer watch? Man, if only we had that in this town. Not like anyone would actually care, but it'd still be fun to see who would actually attend it. One of the cops at that department said that, ""It's largely geared to protecting congregations and church properties which are pretty vulnerable places, but with the added bolt-on aspect of prayer."
Yeah that's cute, except for one thing: We no longer live in biblical times. God performed miracles and talked to his people... back in the OLD testament. Thinking that he'll actually do something now is like waiting on top of your chimney with a shotgun, waiting for Santa Claus 'cuz you just wanna see if the bastard exists.
But some people would beg to differ. People like Retired London policeman Don Axcell. He is now the national executive director of the Christian Police Association. He said that God DID answer crime-busting prayers.
"I'm a great believer in the power of prayer and all I'd say to the skeptics is that I've seen it work too many times for it to be a coincidence."
Normally I'd believe in God, but after president Bush claimed that God talked to him and told him to go to war... ehhh I kind of just lost respect towards him altogether. And not only that, but he also told Pat Robertson that we SHOULDN'T go to war. So he tells two different things to two people at the same time?! Man, what a prick!
Oh, I'm just kidding. I love God. That's why I go to church every Wednesday and Sunday nights.
...or is that really the reason why? =X
Alright folks, that's our entry for tonight. I'd be adding more updates on here as the week progresses. If you have any topics that you'd like for me to talk about, feel free to leave a comment on this page. I'm open with suggestions and discussions. Anything folks, anything.
Random quote of the day:
"Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."
- Sherlock Holmes
-=News Flash: Emergency hotlines are for emergency ONLY!
Police in the German city of Aachen received an unusual call for help late Wednesday when a woman telephoned to complain her husband was not fulfilling his sexual obligations. Now, come on! Some pregnant lady could be on top of a burning building, and some lady calls the emergency hotline all because her husband won't satisfy her need???
Well, reports say that the couple had been sleeping in separate beds for several months without intimate contact. And when she has had enough, the 44-year-old woman woke the husband, 45, in the middle of the night and demanded he satisfy her needs! Wow! If only I have a girlfriend like that. But in all seriousness, dear lady, if your husband doesn't want to sleep with you, then maybe there's a pretty damn good reason why. And I believe the answer could be found by looking in the mirror.
-=News Flash: People in Europe have to either get married or hire a prostitute.
Just when you think it couldn't get any worse. After spanking, four-in-a-bed sex, ice cubes rubbed over naked bodies, a charismatic politician, his glamorous wife and a former prostitute called "Christy Babe"... I seriously thought that was the end of it! But obviously not. Even by the standards of British political sex scandals, the allegations made in court over the past month during the case of Scottish politician Tommy Sheridan have been salacious.
Now if you're wondering who Sheridan is, he's the 42-year-old socialist member of the Scottish parliament with a round-the-year suntan and a taste for sharp suits. He's suing the News of the World newspaper over allegations it made in 2004, under headlines like "My kinky 4-in-a-bed orgy with Tommy." But of course, the newspaper is taking a stand. It claims that Sheridan cheated on his wife and went to seedy night clubs for group sex. When I saw this coming up on the news again, I just kind of scratched my head. I thought "Oh no, not this shit again." Seriously guys, it's getting old.
They've been going back and forth about this for, what, 2 years now? Jeeze. The newspaper claims one thing, and Sheradin claims another. Sheridan denies the claims and is seeking damages. In doing so, he has opened a Pandora's Box of colorful accusations and denials, all reported in full by Britain's tabloid newspapers.
Talk about taking it to the extremes. Wow. Excuse me, Mr. Sheradin? I think I have the ultimate solution for you: move to Italy. Seriously, nobody could and would give a shit who you fuck over there. I mean the Prime Minister owns a yatch and fucks his wife in it, and nobody cares. Why? Because it's "le amor'e." You can move there, or just move here in America! Cheat on your wife all you want. We have the best lawyers here! If Michael Jackson can get away of... letting underage boys drink to "loosen them up" and touching them against their will later on... I'm pretty damn sure you could get away with cheating on your wife here. Welcome to America, Mr. Sheradin.
"From four in a bed to five in a bed. From five in a bed to sex clubs, from sex clubs to champagne, from champagne to cocaine and from cocaine to orgies in a hotel slap bang in the middle of Glasgow. The allegations in the course of this case have been as numerous as grains of sand in the Sahara Desert."
- Sheradin.
What a poor guy. Seriously man, for someone who's just trying to have fun, you're going through a lot of drama. Let's get this guy laid here, huh? What do you say?
He kind of reminds me of Clinton in a way. ALl they both did was... have fun! And now they're getting their asses chewed by the media. Mr. Sheradin, I'll see you in Cancun on Spring Break '07. If I dump into you, I'll even buy you a drink.
and to wrap things up for tonight...
-=News Flash: God can't arrest your most wanted criminal.
Hahahaha get this! Reports say that police in eastern England are looking to God to help them catch vandals and burglars. Wow... um, he won't answer. You prayed to him during the crusades and not much happened. And that was the CRUSADES! What makes you think he'll answer you now?!
The Lincolnshire branch of the Christian Police Association is setting up a "Prayer Watch" scheme to alert Christians to local crimes. A prayer watch? Man, if only we had that in this town. Not like anyone would actually care, but it'd still be fun to see who would actually attend it. One of the cops at that department said that, ""It's largely geared to protecting congregations and church properties which are pretty vulnerable places, but with the added bolt-on aspect of prayer."
Yeah that's cute, except for one thing: We no longer live in biblical times. God performed miracles and talked to his people... back in the OLD testament. Thinking that he'll actually do something now is like waiting on top of your chimney with a shotgun, waiting for Santa Claus 'cuz you just wanna see if the bastard exists.
But some people would beg to differ. People like Retired London policeman Don Axcell. He is now the national executive director of the Christian Police Association. He said that God DID answer crime-busting prayers.
"I'm a great believer in the power of prayer and all I'd say to the skeptics is that I've seen it work too many times for it to be a coincidence."
Normally I'd believe in God, but after president Bush claimed that God talked to him and told him to go to war... ehhh I kind of just lost respect towards him altogether. And not only that, but he also told Pat Robertson that we SHOULDN'T go to war. So he tells two different things to two people at the same time?! Man, what a prick!
Oh, I'm just kidding. I love God. That's why I go to church every Wednesday and Sunday nights.
...or is that really the reason why? =X
Alright folks, that's our entry for tonight. I'd be adding more updates on here as the week progresses. If you have any topics that you'd like for me to talk about, feel free to leave a comment on this page. I'm open with suggestions and discussions. Anything folks, anything.
Random quote of the day:
"Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."
- Sherlock Holmes