I KNOW WHAT I WANT
I've made up my mind. . . . . I'm calling it off now in case I get hurt one day becuz he has kids and is already spoken for but his gurl is in lockdown (jail). Lil things he says have shown me what i am in for. . . . he talks about wanting to meet another chik too much, i.e a 3some. I want a chik too, Im alwayz on the lookout 4 a gurlfrien/lovergurl. It's just that he goes on about it and he has lotsa slutties calling his cell/mobie fone and I hate it. I made a plan to hook up with him one last time tomorra nite at 7pm, smoke up with him (he smokes up HEAPS, i haven't seen him without a bong in his hand matta fact. It is the dopest, quality smoko.
The other day he told me "he's hooked solid on me", also told me "he won't keep bugging me like a lovesick pup, my girl", but since then he hasn't shown it in any way for me to believe it. (the part about being hooked on me) That's ok, I don't want someone to feel intense feelings this quickly, they are just kind words an nothing more at this point in time. It's the greatest that we met becuz my feelings about almost every single thing in my life are resurfacing and being put into perspective.
New years eve was unbelievabL, watched the fireworx go off at 11pm, fell in luv and kissed at midnite (too sacred but anyway :P), walked frum bar to bar from Oxford St to North Sydney Greenwood Hotel (also called Sounds on Sunday), sippin my best drink - champagne. . . . we walked everywhere but did not even notice when we were high from being with each other, not on any drug. I was aware ov the numb and high feelings and tried to concentrate an run the show so that he would see I'm not a dumbass in the situation. The feeling ov wanting each other was nonstop all nite until we HAD to go to his place the next day, getting severely higher off each other and lovin each other too seriously til the next day. He has his own home an his younger bro lives with him, they are cute and cool, i loved listenin to them talk in the living room when i waz gettin outta the shower, stickybeaking on the cuteness of them laffin an being friendly, i am not use to seein brothers be like that.
In the end, I know I have to meet a classy/cute chik rite now instead ov being with a guy. . . . i'm not ready to handle casual sex relationship or love in general unless I know there's not a big chance ov being hurt.