(no subject)
i want to cryandcrycryandcrycryandcrycryandcry.
and im incredibly disgusting looking so i dont think ill be posting pictures for awhile.
its gotten to the point where i can barely look in the mirror anymore.
i just want to lay in bed with boyfriend and sleep for a long time and not talk because its pointless.
im extremely overtired and sick and unhappy with myself.
theres nothing that actually caused it; i guess its just been a long time coming.
i keep having nightmares. every night for the past week and a half i have woken up 3 or 4 times gasping for breath and crying, feeling extremely frightened. like, petrified to move. but im never able to remember what im afraid of.
my hearts acting up again too. i havent felt this much pain in awhile. i dont know whats happening.
i keep blacking out and spacing out.
im becoming angrier and angrier and im forgetting how to deal with it.
i need to stop eatting again.
i dont know. im just, fed up with myself.
and some friends.
and the assholes who keep trying to break me and alex up.
[i swear to god, the second i find out who it is i will painfully rip out every fucking bone in your fucking body. i am not messing around.]
and there's your fucking update.
and im incredibly disgusting looking so i dont think ill be posting pictures for awhile.
its gotten to the point where i can barely look in the mirror anymore.
i just want to lay in bed with boyfriend and sleep for a long time and not talk because its pointless.
im extremely overtired and sick and unhappy with myself.
theres nothing that actually caused it; i guess its just been a long time coming.
i keep having nightmares. every night for the past week and a half i have woken up 3 or 4 times gasping for breath and crying, feeling extremely frightened. like, petrified to move. but im never able to remember what im afraid of.
my hearts acting up again too. i havent felt this much pain in awhile. i dont know whats happening.
i keep blacking out and spacing out.
im becoming angrier and angrier and im forgetting how to deal with it.
i need to stop eatting again.
i dont know. im just, fed up with myself.
and some friends.
and the assholes who keep trying to break me and alex up.
[i swear to god, the second i find out who it is i will painfully rip out every fucking bone in your fucking body. i am not messing around.]
and there's your fucking update.