*ahem*
While engaged in certain activities which shall not be mentioned in a public place (or at least a place where my boss might catch me), I found the folowing list.
How To Survive X-Factor
by Jamie Madrox
1. I must not offer Rahne Scooby Snacks, even when she is in her wolf form. Especially when she is in her wolf form.
2. I must not make reference to Rahne being "Irish", nor call her a "leprechaun". I must especially not do this in front of Terry.
3. I must not say "who's our little Scots werewolf?" to Rahne, accompanied by sckritchy motions on the top of her head.
4. The phrase "Catholic Schoolgirl" is to be avoided at all costs. The phrase "Presbyterian schoolgirl" might not work either?
5. I must not make jokes about assigning a "Richter scale" to Julio's jobs.
6. I must not put a live feed to the USGS over Julio's desk, with a marker saying "you are here".
7. I must not answer Guido's questions with "well, at least I'm not called 'Strong Guy!'".
8. I must find a better code name than "Multiple Man".
9. I must not draw portraits of Monet in Jelly Beans, and then glue them to her desk.
10. I must not glue a mirror to Monet's desk.
11. I must not glue anything to Monet's desk, including Monet.
12. I must not make comments about "those feisty Celtic redheads", accompanied by eyebrow wiggles, in the presence of Rahne and Terry. Making the same comment in front of only Guido is ok.
13. The things I'm allowed to do in front of Guido may not be acceptable in front of the rest of the team. Especially the girls.
14. The fact that I can share the pain of one well-placed kick from Rahne out over forty dupes does not make it hurt less. (See above.)
15. Saying "yeah, well I bet you can't fly and do that" to Monet is asking for it to be demonstrated, while she's hanging onto you by one hand, fifty yards above the city streets.
16. In fact, beginning anything with "yeah, well I bet you can't" to Monet is a bad idea in general.
17. I must not tease Julio about his clothing choices. I especially must not ask if he wants a sombrero, or chaps, or those finger clappy things.
18. I mention the word "sombrero" to Julio only when on solid ground, and not in the vicinity of anything that might fall on me.
19. I shall refrain from asking Julio if he wants to go to Taco Bell.
20. I must not tape paper pots of gold and rainbows to Terry's desk.
21. I must not scream about Terry being after "me frosted lucky charms!".
22. I must not say, "Pardon, do you have any Grey Poupon?" to Guido when making a sandwich.
23. I must not call Guido French.
24. They say never to mess with a man's coffee. Nothing is more true when the guy can bench press New Jersey and calls himself “Strong Guy”.
25. Don't ask if he'd rather have Moira's coffee. Rahne will make it.
26. Do not challenge Guido to a drinking contest, because you're usually drunk to have thought of it in the first place.
27. I must not ever show Guido my Andrew Dice Clay tapes. He thinks it's better than porn.
28. Guido seeing "Lestat: The Musical" does not count as work time.
29. Singing of the "Cats" soundtrack is not permitted in the office.
30. Neither is "Starlight Express."
31. There will be no quoting of James Joyce in the office.
32. Or Samuel Beckett. Or any author with a Gaelic surname.
33. The word "leprechaun" is not permitted in the office at all. Ever.
34. I must not demand that Rahne, Monet, and Terry make like the Rockettes in order to get their paychecks on Friday night.
35. I must not hire another redhead.
36. I must not make Magnificent Seven jokes around Julio.
37. I must not mime holding my hat in my hands and say "aiee, Señor, no es bueno!" to Julio.
38. I must not attempt to speak Spanish in front of Julio. Ever.
39. I must not remind Julio that Speedy Gonzales was a seminal figure in Latin-American history.
40. I must not call Julio “Speedy Gonzales”.
41. I also must not call him "Shaky Gonzales".
42. Or "Quakey Gonzales".
43. I must not put up Lon Chaney or Michael Landon posters above Rahne's desk.
44. I must not allow Guido to put spotlights on his expense reports.
45. Or microphones.
46. Or copies of The Producers.
47. Or autographs of Nathan Lane purchased on eBay.
48. Rictor cannot claim Shatterstar as his spouse on health insurance forms.
49. This holds true even when confronted by an angry Shatterstar with swords at my throat.
50. In fact, keep Guido between me and ALL swords.
51. I must remember that shouting 'I write your boyfriend's paychecks' does not, actually, make any difference to Shatterstar.
52. I must not ask Terry to fetch me colcannon for lunch.
53. I must not ask Monet to fetch me couscous, either.
54. I must not ask Rahne to fetch me haggis, either.
55. I must not ask Julio to fetch me tacos, burritos, enchiladas, tostadas, or Doritos, either. (Don’t ask about the Doritos.)
56. I must require all dupes to pass lie detector tests before they are allowed near Julio.
57. The only family I am allowed to make jokes about is Guido’s.
58. I must not get between Monet and Rahne when they start going at it. The blood will be mine.
59. I must not make catcalls and whistle, or shout “catfight!!” or “take it off!!” when Monet and Rahne start going at it. The blood will definitely be mine.
60. I must not let my life insurance policy lapse.
I can think of a few more. Can anyone else?
((Credit for the list goes to me, song_of_erin, projectileszg, thomas_small, shield_topdog, and xxxinvestegator. If I've missed anyone who was in that chat and contributed, I'm very sorry, please let me know and I'll add your name.))
How To Survive X-Factor
by Jamie Madrox
1. I must not offer Rahne Scooby Snacks, even when she is in her wolf form. Especially when she is in her wolf form.
2. I must not make reference to Rahne being "Irish", nor call her a "leprechaun". I must especially not do this in front of Terry.
3. I must not say "who's our little Scots werewolf?" to Rahne, accompanied by sckritchy motions on the top of her head.
4. The phrase "Catholic Schoolgirl" is to be avoided at all costs. The phrase "Presbyterian schoolgirl" might not work either?
5. I must not make jokes about assigning a "Richter scale" to Julio's jobs.
6. I must not put a live feed to the USGS over Julio's desk, with a marker saying "you are here".
7. I must not answer Guido's questions with "well, at least I'm not called 'Strong Guy!'".
8. I must find a better code name than "Multiple Man".
9. I must not draw portraits of Monet in Jelly Beans, and then glue them to her desk.
10. I must not glue a mirror to Monet's desk.
11. I must not glue anything to Monet's desk, including Monet.
12. I must not make comments about "those feisty Celtic redheads", accompanied by eyebrow wiggles, in the presence of Rahne and Terry. Making the same comment in front of only Guido is ok.
13. The things I'm allowed to do in front of Guido may not be acceptable in front of the rest of the team. Especially the girls.
14. The fact that I can share the pain of one well-placed kick from Rahne out over forty dupes does not make it hurt less. (See above.)
15. Saying "yeah, well I bet you can't fly and do that" to Monet is asking for it to be demonstrated, while she's hanging onto you by one hand, fifty yards above the city streets.
16. In fact, beginning anything with "yeah, well I bet you can't" to Monet is a bad idea in general.
17. I must not tease Julio about his clothing choices. I especially must not ask if he wants a sombrero, or chaps, or those finger clappy things.
18. I mention the word "sombrero" to Julio only when on solid ground, and not in the vicinity of anything that might fall on me.
19. I shall refrain from asking Julio if he wants to go to Taco Bell.
20. I must not tape paper pots of gold and rainbows to Terry's desk.
21. I must not scream about Terry being after "me frosted lucky charms!".
22. I must not say, "Pardon, do you have any Grey Poupon?" to Guido when making a sandwich.
23. I must not call Guido French.
24. They say never to mess with a man's coffee. Nothing is more true when the guy can bench press New Jersey and calls himself “Strong Guy”.
25. Don't ask if he'd rather have Moira's coffee. Rahne will make it.
26. Do not challenge Guido to a drinking contest, because you're usually drunk to have thought of it in the first place.
27. I must not ever show Guido my Andrew Dice Clay tapes. He thinks it's better than porn.
28. Guido seeing "Lestat: The Musical" does not count as work time.
29. Singing of the "Cats" soundtrack is not permitted in the office.
30. Neither is "Starlight Express."
31. There will be no quoting of James Joyce in the office.
32. Or Samuel Beckett. Or any author with a Gaelic surname.
33. The word "leprechaun" is not permitted in the office at all. Ever.
34. I must not demand that Rahne, Monet, and Terry make like the Rockettes in order to get their paychecks on Friday night.
35. I must not hire another redhead.
36. I must not make Magnificent Seven jokes around Julio.
37. I must not mime holding my hat in my hands and say "aiee, Señor, no es bueno!" to Julio.
38. I must not attempt to speak Spanish in front of Julio. Ever.
39. I must not remind Julio that Speedy Gonzales was a seminal figure in Latin-American history.
40. I must not call Julio “Speedy Gonzales”.
41. I also must not call him "Shaky Gonzales".
42. Or "Quakey Gonzales".
43. I must not put up Lon Chaney or Michael Landon posters above Rahne's desk.
44. I must not allow Guido to put spotlights on his expense reports.
45. Or microphones.
46. Or copies of The Producers.
47. Or autographs of Nathan Lane purchased on eBay.
48. Rictor cannot claim Shatterstar as his spouse on health insurance forms.
49. This holds true even when confronted by an angry Shatterstar with swords at my throat.
50. In fact, keep Guido between me and ALL swords.
51. I must remember that shouting 'I write your boyfriend's paychecks' does not, actually, make any difference to Shatterstar.
52. I must not ask Terry to fetch me colcannon for lunch.
53. I must not ask Monet to fetch me couscous, either.
54. I must not ask Rahne to fetch me haggis, either.
55. I must not ask Julio to fetch me tacos, burritos, enchiladas, tostadas, or Doritos, either. (Don’t ask about the Doritos.)
56. I must require all dupes to pass lie detector tests before they are allowed near Julio.
57. The only family I am allowed to make jokes about is Guido’s.
58. I must not get between Monet and Rahne when they start going at it. The blood will be mine.
59. I must not make catcalls and whistle, or shout “catfight!!” or “take it off!!” when Monet and Rahne start going at it. The blood will definitely be mine.
60. I must not let my life insurance policy lapse.
I can think of a few more. Can anyone else?
((Credit for the list goes to me, song_of_erin, projectileszg, thomas_small, shield_topdog, and xxxinvestegator. If I've missed anyone who was in that chat and contributed, I'm very sorry, please let me know and I'll add your name.))