Rant, final episode of SPN- how to make a crap otta pretty darn good simple story
Ok, since there will be spoilers I warn as a loyality token. If you watch SPN and stuff.
My ugly, ironic, overall bad and depressing thoughts about one of my fav shows started in the middle of season 4th and pretty much from the start of season 5. People who are prone to be sensitive, like the ending of SPN, like Kripke and dont wanna hear blemishes, please, do not go for this cut. couse yeah, Im pissed. Go figure.
But from the beginning.
So apocalypse started, Four Riders are free and make apocalypse true, angels want to make Dean into Michael so the end would come clean and fast. Lucy (sorry, Lucyfer isnt the right word in here) so Lucy wants to fight Michael, that appears his only goal. To do it properly Lucy needs smoking hot Sam`s body.
That`s the general plots of this crapastic storyline.So, shall we see how things progressed, before finale? I can assure you it wont take long. How much crap you can pull otta crap? there are material limit in the universe.
First, Apocalypse is shown only through mass media and rarely. As far as Im concerned things are pretty much normal. There are demons tormenting ppl, cunning, making unknown plans. There are natural disasters (anyone, give Kripke a Volcano, Eyloyyolsomething, and let him play), storms, mishaps, kids have worse grades and ppl get sick. the usual Jehova whitness things (sorry for all Jehova whitnessses, just an example) taken from the Biblie.
Then we get old plot about Cracotoan digged from season 2. CRACK! my back cracked really loud at the amount of old storylines in season 5. Bring back old stuff and give it new sense, yeah, riiiight.
Then we get to know that Trickster is Gabriel, thats why he`s so clever, has knowledge and power, and likes serials on daytime TV. Couse yeah, Gabriel doesnt like Heaven. Too little channels, too much documentary movies.
Then we get info about Dean`s amulet being powerfull artifact, that can help find God and ask Him about few details (yeah, couse GOD owns us some splaining about this Crapalypse). Unfortunately, after we meet Joshua, God`s gardner, we throw away amulet. Just so to end this unfortunate, unnecessary motive. Unnecessary motives are general plots in 5 season, yet we need to eliminate the most useless ones. Duh.
Then we get to meet crossing between demon and human, powerful little boy, who will be strong alley of fighting sides in Crapocalypse. He decided he needs more time to get used to his incredible strenght and vanishes from all plots just by himself. How conveniently and unnecessary accesory of the SPN world.
Then we have third Winchester brother, Adam. John Wichester impregnated some poor women and left her with kid. Who know monster will eat both in season 4 and in season 5 Adam, as carrier of Winchester twisted gene, will get part time job as Michael`s vessel. Angels preffer him, he`s more quiet and doesnt want to save Sam from becoming Lucy. He just wants his mom back.
In the meantime we see bros kill Riders. Well, kill, or chop off their fingers (they dont know why, they just do it, makes them look more badass). Only Death was awesome in that plot. Death, taken from Gaiman`s and Pratchett`s stories btw. Just as demon Crowley who also popps for some small show, helps brothers to find death and vanishes convieniently in the Crapocalyptic whirlpool ( good actors in 5 seasons are guest starrs, Crowley, Death, marvelous. Pity their plots were cut- maybe we`ll see them in next season), if Kripke will remember about them, which I doubt. After we got Bobby`s wife name changes (Sally, Sarah, Lisa, whatever) Im pretty sure Kripke and writers have memory clogged by fandom crapastic bullshit. No, wait, some fandom stories are better than SPN 4th and 5th season together. No offence, ppl, you are great, but apparently Kripke& co didnt get well all tention and attention from fandom, couse they sported storyline hiccup just as SPN publicity grew stronger.
We have Dean in the future (meeting Samantha Lucy in Detroit and loose), we have boys in the past (hello Johnny, crapastic, soft and whiny Mary, and brand new Impala). Both trips made no difference for main plots, were just eye candies for fandom. Why Detroit? Who knows and who cares.
Talking with better actors (Death, Crowley) gives sth to think to Dean and two episodes before finale, he decided he preffer to loose his brother not the whole world. Whole season he struggled on his own, cut -the-crap Winchester style, with the thought but speaking with Death makes things with your head. And so Sam wants to take Lucy inside himself, open Hells Cage with Four Riders Rings (also information we get two episodes before the end) and jump inside, lock himself with Lucy forever and ever.
So they go to Detroit, meet Lucy who is stronger than Sam, -and wins. Sammy is locked inside Lucy, rages, has very pretty monologues with his mirror. It appears all his friends/teachers/prom dates are Yellow Eyed Demon puppets, I waited for this nice, happy dog he had for a few days to appear as Hellhound, really. Everything is a lie. Dr House would so kick Lucy`s ass with his bad leg, mind you. BTW, hells cage is opened by 3 weird words, so remember kids, dont use glosaly at home. Lucy says to Dean that he takes Sam for a ride in Detroit, always in Detroit. Funny, couse last battle, between Sam Lucy and Michael Adam is in Lawrence. Fields. End needs to take place where everything begins. Yatzee.
So angels want to fight, but Dean, Bobby and Cas show up. Cas makes lousy trick with fire and banishes Michael. Pretty easy for angel who is already mostly human, snores, drinks and then is sploshed bloody red all around by furious Lucy Sam.
Samantha Lucy kills Cas, Bobby, then beats crap otta Dean, just because he can, and make up artists have too much red paint and want to use the left overs. Lately red paint on Dean`s face looks more false than usual. And then miracle happens. Sam watches Impala, and remembers good days with his brother, when they were kids, toys they left in the car, talks they had. Sam watches song vids made by fans, about his relationship with his family, with Dean, John, goddamn Impala, and wins temporarily with Lucy. BTW, I saw fan`s songvids better that, so way ta go.
Sam opens the Hell`s Cage, Michael Adam appears, he wants fight, but Sam just pulls him into very bad edited whole in the ground with him. Poor excuse for Milton`s Lost Paradise insert here and into Dean`s eye. Michael and Lucy are trapped together forever.
Castiel revives (again) by the power of God and zooming, heals quickly Dean, revives Bobby and leaves to rule the Heaven. God isnt dead, but still is absent, but who cares, the sick, sadistic bastard better be left alone. Dean goes to nameless chick from season 2, Lisa or sth, with small kid resambling littleDean. Dean promised Sam he wont try to bring him back and will have happy apple pie life with Lisa, kids, law mowers, the usual gig. And so Dean does, the fucker. The most sad happy ending I saw and let me tell ya, I saw a lot.
At the end Kripke by the mouth of Chuck, who writes Winchester Evangely, says that fans are pain in the ass. Couse holes in plots always are a must, end is not always the end, couse nothing ends for real, and vanishes from his chair. Couse Chuck/Kripke is a GOD. Good god.
In the ending scene we see "happy life" of Dean Wichnester with almost unknown chick, in uknkown hause, with pretty much known grimace of depression and hopelessness. He looks unhappy and trapped but stays stock still with his high life and happy end. But oh NOEZ! Street lamp is flickering, and Sam is making appearance, he watches Dean. From Heaven/Hell/Real world, pick your poison.
Lots of useless informations, lots of useless plots, lots of ridic, fillers-only episodes, which were funny but sensless and stupid. Kripke making excuses for himself that holes in stories are normal and there always will be angry, dissapointed fans, geezzz... let me tell ya, if koralgol would go this kind of book on his table, he`ll chew the author to his toes, spit, chew again and threw outside the window. God or no God. Couse you need to have some respect for your reader/viewer. Couse you get to know the man from how he ends stuff. No editor would publish it (well, maybe they would stuck some hunting brothers in Twilight, Meyer is open to the new experiences). No ppl with working minds would get this kind of mythology and put their money on it. It started so good, good chemistry, good, normal world with monsters and supernatural events, awesome road movie, no devil, no angels, no freaking Bible.
Good acting couse let me tell ya, Jared P gone botox in his forehead and plays only by moving eyebrows (slowly, botox makes you puffy) and nothing was being left from vigorous, sharp Sam from the first 3 seasons. Dean started to cry in 4th season and never stopped, duh. I`d cry too if I`d be stuck with unknown chick, with table, potatoes and someone else`s kid.
Kim Manners passed away, he doesnt see what piece of shit producers, sucky writers and yeah, CW, made from Supernatural (Kim, be in Peace, man, you were very great worker and director, you knew your job and done it well) Im pretty sure if Kim would live, things would go differently, on-set director is far much better than some megalomaniac, reading older women communities fandoms (only one, particular one comm, couse if he read other communities, he`ll get better insight than that), and taking inspirations from there. Yeah, couse rabid fans are at fault that you cannot produce decent plots that make a whole story whole, not some chucked, chipped, broken piece of junk.
You know, Bill Crosby said once very wise thing. "I dont know the key to success but key to failure is to try to please everybody". and thats what Kripke did. Please CW, couse producents want next season, please fandom, couse older women want Impala mythology and authothematic rabbid fangirls and naked chest of Jared P.
God, Im so angry I need to write drabbes for SPN, set in season 1 or pre-series. Im taking retcon now, forgetting about the mess with 5 season, I`ll write the goddamn thing myself again. It was worse than Torchwood, really, forgetting things, messing with details and skipping maior plots, strange behaviours of leading characters, unreasonable, no logic, no nothing. I dont have anything agains middle aged women, hell, Im almost thirty myself, but if you get your story juices from one community, you are pretty much fool. You should browse through communities at least, if you arent gifted enough to write your own goddamn storyline..
Sorry, I needed to vent about it. You may agree, you may not agree, its just MHO. And Im wirter and Im frigging GOD in Kripke`s book, so yeah, call me Chuck. Im writing frigging Apocalypse from the scratch.
PS> Sorry for typos. Y`know, Im god and Im kinda in a hurry, tha tha.
My ugly, ironic, overall bad and depressing thoughts about one of my fav shows started in the middle of season 4th and pretty much from the start of season 5. People who are prone to be sensitive, like the ending of SPN, like Kripke and dont wanna hear blemishes, please, do not go for this cut. couse yeah, Im pissed. Go figure.
But from the beginning.
So apocalypse started, Four Riders are free and make apocalypse true, angels want to make Dean into Michael so the end would come clean and fast. Lucy (sorry, Lucyfer isnt the right word in here) so Lucy wants to fight Michael, that appears his only goal. To do it properly Lucy needs smoking hot Sam`s body.
That`s the general plots of this crapastic storyline.So, shall we see how things progressed, before finale? I can assure you it wont take long. How much crap you can pull otta crap? there are material limit in the universe.
First, Apocalypse is shown only through mass media and rarely. As far as Im concerned things are pretty much normal. There are demons tormenting ppl, cunning, making unknown plans. There are natural disasters (anyone, give Kripke a Volcano, Eyloyyolsomething, and let him play), storms, mishaps, kids have worse grades and ppl get sick. the usual Jehova whitness things (sorry for all Jehova whitnessses, just an example) taken from the Biblie.
Then we get old plot about Cracotoan digged from season 2. CRACK! my back cracked really loud at the amount of old storylines in season 5. Bring back old stuff and give it new sense, yeah, riiiight.
Then we get to know that Trickster is Gabriel, thats why he`s so clever, has knowledge and power, and likes serials on daytime TV. Couse yeah, Gabriel doesnt like Heaven. Too little channels, too much documentary movies.
Then we get info about Dean`s amulet being powerfull artifact, that can help find God and ask Him about few details (yeah, couse GOD owns us some splaining about this Crapalypse). Unfortunately, after we meet Joshua, God`s gardner, we throw away amulet. Just so to end this unfortunate, unnecessary motive. Unnecessary motives are general plots in 5 season, yet we need to eliminate the most useless ones. Duh.
Then we get to meet crossing between demon and human, powerful little boy, who will be strong alley of fighting sides in Crapocalypse. He decided he needs more time to get used to his incredible strenght and vanishes from all plots just by himself. How conveniently and unnecessary accesory of the SPN world.
Then we have third Winchester brother, Adam. John Wichester impregnated some poor women and left her with kid. Who know monster will eat both in season 4 and in season 5 Adam, as carrier of Winchester twisted gene, will get part time job as Michael`s vessel. Angels preffer him, he`s more quiet and doesnt want to save Sam from becoming Lucy. He just wants his mom back.
In the meantime we see bros kill Riders. Well, kill, or chop off their fingers (they dont know why, they just do it, makes them look more badass). Only Death was awesome in that plot. Death, taken from Gaiman`s and Pratchett`s stories btw. Just as demon Crowley who also popps for some small show, helps brothers to find death and vanishes convieniently in the Crapocalyptic whirlpool ( good actors in 5 seasons are guest starrs, Crowley, Death, marvelous. Pity their plots were cut- maybe we`ll see them in next season), if Kripke will remember about them, which I doubt. After we got Bobby`s wife name changes (Sally, Sarah, Lisa, whatever) Im pretty sure Kripke and writers have memory clogged by fandom crapastic bullshit. No, wait, some fandom stories are better than SPN 4th and 5th season together. No offence, ppl, you are great, but apparently Kripke& co didnt get well all tention and attention from fandom, couse they sported storyline hiccup just as SPN publicity grew stronger.
We have Dean in the future (meeting Samantha Lucy in Detroit and loose), we have boys in the past (hello Johnny, crapastic, soft and whiny Mary, and brand new Impala). Both trips made no difference for main plots, were just eye candies for fandom. Why Detroit? Who knows and who cares.
Talking with better actors (Death, Crowley) gives sth to think to Dean and two episodes before finale, he decided he preffer to loose his brother not the whole world. Whole season he struggled on his own, cut -the-crap Winchester style, with the thought but speaking with Death makes things with your head. And so Sam wants to take Lucy inside himself, open Hells Cage with Four Riders Rings (also information we get two episodes before the end) and jump inside, lock himself with Lucy forever and ever.
So they go to Detroit, meet Lucy who is stronger than Sam, -and wins. Sammy is locked inside Lucy, rages, has very pretty monologues with his mirror. It appears all his friends/teachers/prom dates are Yellow Eyed Demon puppets, I waited for this nice, happy dog he had for a few days to appear as Hellhound, really. Everything is a lie. Dr House would so kick Lucy`s ass with his bad leg, mind you. BTW, hells cage is opened by 3 weird words, so remember kids, dont use glosaly at home. Lucy says to Dean that he takes Sam for a ride in Detroit, always in Detroit. Funny, couse last battle, between Sam Lucy and Michael Adam is in Lawrence. Fields. End needs to take place where everything begins. Yatzee.
So angels want to fight, but Dean, Bobby and Cas show up. Cas makes lousy trick with fire and banishes Michael. Pretty easy for angel who is already mostly human, snores, drinks and then is sploshed bloody red all around by furious Lucy Sam.
Samantha Lucy kills Cas, Bobby, then beats crap otta Dean, just because he can, and make up artists have too much red paint and want to use the left overs. Lately red paint on Dean`s face looks more false than usual. And then miracle happens. Sam watches Impala, and remembers good days with his brother, when they were kids, toys they left in the car, talks they had. Sam watches song vids made by fans, about his relationship with his family, with Dean, John, goddamn Impala, and wins temporarily with Lucy. BTW, I saw fan`s songvids better that, so way ta go.
Sam opens the Hell`s Cage, Michael Adam appears, he wants fight, but Sam just pulls him into very bad edited whole in the ground with him. Poor excuse for Milton`s Lost Paradise insert here and into Dean`s eye. Michael and Lucy are trapped together forever.
Castiel revives (again) by the power of God and zooming, heals quickly Dean, revives Bobby and leaves to rule the Heaven. God isnt dead, but still is absent, but who cares, the sick, sadistic bastard better be left alone. Dean goes to nameless chick from season 2, Lisa or sth, with small kid resambling littleDean. Dean promised Sam he wont try to bring him back and will have happy apple pie life with Lisa, kids, law mowers, the usual gig. And so Dean does, the fucker. The most sad happy ending I saw and let me tell ya, I saw a lot.
At the end Kripke by the mouth of Chuck, who writes Winchester Evangely, says that fans are pain in the ass. Couse holes in plots always are a must, end is not always the end, couse nothing ends for real, and vanishes from his chair. Couse Chuck/Kripke is a GOD. Good god.
In the ending scene we see "happy life" of Dean Wichnester with almost unknown chick, in uknkown hause, with pretty much known grimace of depression and hopelessness. He looks unhappy and trapped but stays stock still with his high life and happy end. But oh NOEZ! Street lamp is flickering, and Sam is making appearance, he watches Dean. From Heaven/Hell/Real world, pick your poison.
Lots of useless informations, lots of useless plots, lots of ridic, fillers-only episodes, which were funny but sensless and stupid. Kripke making excuses for himself that holes in stories are normal and there always will be angry, dissapointed fans, geezzz... let me tell ya, if koralgol would go this kind of book on his table, he`ll chew the author to his toes, spit, chew again and threw outside the window. God or no God. Couse you need to have some respect for your reader/viewer. Couse you get to know the man from how he ends stuff. No editor would publish it (well, maybe they would stuck some hunting brothers in Twilight, Meyer is open to the new experiences). No ppl with working minds would get this kind of mythology and put their money on it. It started so good, good chemistry, good, normal world with monsters and supernatural events, awesome road movie, no devil, no angels, no freaking Bible.
Good acting couse let me tell ya, Jared P gone botox in his forehead and plays only by moving eyebrows (slowly, botox makes you puffy) and nothing was being left from vigorous, sharp Sam from the first 3 seasons. Dean started to cry in 4th season and never stopped, duh. I`d cry too if I`d be stuck with unknown chick, with table, potatoes and someone else`s kid.
Kim Manners passed away, he doesnt see what piece of shit producers, sucky writers and yeah, CW, made from Supernatural (Kim, be in Peace, man, you were very great worker and director, you knew your job and done it well) Im pretty sure if Kim would live, things would go differently, on-set director is far much better than some megalomaniac, reading older women communities fandoms (only one, particular one comm, couse if he read other communities, he`ll get better insight than that), and taking inspirations from there. Yeah, couse rabid fans are at fault that you cannot produce decent plots that make a whole story whole, not some chucked, chipped, broken piece of junk.
You know, Bill Crosby said once very wise thing. "I dont know the key to success but key to failure is to try to please everybody". and thats what Kripke did. Please CW, couse producents want next season, please fandom, couse older women want Impala mythology and authothematic rabbid fangirls and naked chest of Jared P.
God, Im so angry I need to write drabbes for SPN, set in season 1 or pre-series. Im taking retcon now, forgetting about the mess with 5 season, I`ll write the goddamn thing myself again. It was worse than Torchwood, really, forgetting things, messing with details and skipping maior plots, strange behaviours of leading characters, unreasonable, no logic, no nothing. I dont have anything agains middle aged women, hell, Im almost thirty myself, but if you get your story juices from one community, you are pretty much fool. You should browse through communities at least, if you arent gifted enough to write your own goddamn storyline..
Sorry, I needed to vent about it. You may agree, you may not agree, its just MHO. And Im wirter and Im frigging GOD in Kripke`s book, so yeah, call me Chuck. Im writing frigging Apocalypse from the scratch.
PS> Sorry for typos. Y`know, Im god and Im kinda in a hurry, tha tha.