(no subject)
today is the first day i sat here, bawling my eyes out about the innevitable move to sudbury. i keep thinking about all of the people i'm going to have to leave. and im scared, SO fucking scared of whats going to happen.
i'm not ready.. not even close. i dont want this anymore. i dont want to grow up, i dont want to move on... i want to be here.. in this place... in this time..forever. i cant even pretend that i think this is the right choice for me. it seems so wrong, ALL of it.
what have i gotten myself into? i know this problem is nothing compared to what most of you guys have to deal with and deffinately pathetic compared to the rest of the worlds issues. not like im sick or dieing or at war. but still, can no one relate?
it's pure fear, terror. i'm sitting here living like it's any other day. but its not. not even close.. in just over 2 weeks my life will change forever and whats worth is its all self inflicted. i wish i was out holding tightly onto every last second i have here. i mean sure i'll be back for thanks giving and xmas and easter... but i wont even be HERE.. i'll be in port hope. fucking port hope ughh. its not far by any means, just feels like a totally different planet. right now i just feel like a giant mess, and a completely lonely one at that. i need some one right now, really bad... just to be there and lie to me and tell me it'll all be okay, that i'll gain so many new amazing things without losing ANY of the old. can some one just do that.. please? thanks.
i'm not ready.. not even close. i dont want this anymore. i dont want to grow up, i dont want to move on... i want to be here.. in this place... in this time..forever. i cant even pretend that i think this is the right choice for me. it seems so wrong, ALL of it.
what have i gotten myself into? i know this problem is nothing compared to what most of you guys have to deal with and deffinately pathetic compared to the rest of the worlds issues. not like im sick or dieing or at war. but still, can no one relate?
it's pure fear, terror. i'm sitting here living like it's any other day. but its not. not even close.. in just over 2 weeks my life will change forever and whats worth is its all self inflicted. i wish i was out holding tightly onto every last second i have here. i mean sure i'll be back for thanks giving and xmas and easter... but i wont even be HERE.. i'll be in port hope. fucking port hope ughh. its not far by any means, just feels like a totally different planet. right now i just feel like a giant mess, and a completely lonely one at that. i need some one right now, really bad... just to be there and lie to me and tell me it'll all be okay, that i'll gain so many new amazing things without losing ANY of the old. can some one just do that.. please? thanks.