Comments | via__crucis: CRITIQUE ME.

via__crucis

CRITIQUE ME.

Sep 22, 2005 05:15

( read this and give me pointers. mimi, you too. dru. geni. filiz. everyone. it's due tomorrow. )

Comments 11

via__crucis September 22 2005, 09:18:19 UTC

I hate not writing off of inspiration.

via__crucis September 22 2005, 09:21:29 UTC

The ending is too abrupt.

entry me4tpuppet89 September 22 2005, 23:35:40 UTC

hmm.. im not too sure what abrupt means, but maybe. I thought it was well writen. Did you just write it or is it for LA? well any how, very nice work.

adam w.

lurvergurl63 September 22 2005, 23:49:29 UTC

I liked it sweetie. You know I can't write, so I guess that doesn't say too much, but it was really good to me. You are amazing my doll!

via__crucis September 23 2005, 08:32:31 UTC

- snug love. -

Will you let me sleep on you on the ride back? ;[

via__crucis September 23 2005, 08:33:16 UTC

What, yes? Great. I'll make my snores rattle your brain.

Oho.

gototheclouds September 23 2005, 02:19:43 UTC

Well, for the subject - I think it's the best it can be. ;] ♥
I can really tell when your not writing out of inspiration. But don't take that as any offense! Because that is not what I intend it to be. And finally I just think that in the paragraph 1, sentence 3, She's should be She is and 2nd paragraph 1st sentence It's should be It is. But it sounds fine either way. ^_^;; Heh, love you dear!

via__crucis September 23 2005, 08:32:05 UTC

I was thinking about contractions, too, and limiting them -- and then I also thought, this is poetic-prose, and this is the rough draft -- xD We have to turn in something for Reflections. Remember those? The theme this year is "I wonder why, .."

I don't even have a baby. I don't like babies.

Thank you, doll. This weekend, you know how busy I am, but I'm really serious about you and me hitting it up at the mall and seeing Emily Rose. Alright? DON'T SEE IT WITH ANYONE ELSE. 'MANDA ONLY. 'MANDA IS YOUR ONLY ONE.

Miz Hanyou, xD

<333'manda

^___^ She called me Miz Hanyou!! : happy dance : gototheclouds September 23 2005, 13:41:40 UTC

:3
REFLECTIONS. Wow. I really remember those. ♥ I never did anything for them though. :[ But in 1st and second grade I was a mosaic writer! XD

YES, YOU are my only date. Make sure you remember the same for me. ;]

(you don't like babies? ;o)

gototheclouds September 23 2005, 13:43:06 UTC

Critique. n_n I like that word. CR-I-TI-QUE. How amusing.