To Sleep

Oct 10, 2005 03:16

O soft embalmer of the still midnight,
Shutting, with careful fingers and benign,
Our gloom-pleas'd eyes, embower'd from the light,
Enshaded in forgetfulness divine:
O soothest Sleep! if so it please thee, close
In midst of this thine hymn my willing eyes,
Or wait the "Amen," ere thy poppy throws
Around my bed its lulling charities.
Then save me, or the passed day will shine
Upon my pillow, breeding many woes,--
Save me from curious Conscience, that still lords
Its strength for darkness, burrowing like a mole;
Turn the key deftly in the oiled wards,
And seal the hushed Casket of my Soul.

-- John Keats

3:20 am. Still awake, somewhat watching Judge Dredd, must be a Stallone night. Demolition Man was on before it. I happen to actually like that movie.

So..I guess my kind of good news is Scott and his family and I may be flying to PA for christmas. Its not carved in stone and Im actually..not getting my hopes up about going home.

I havent been able to tell anyone how bad I have actually been doing. Theres been a few nights now where Ive waken scott up because I was crying. I cry..alot. I'm so homesick, I never thought I would miss home so much. I cant tell my parents how bad it has been lately because ..I already feel like such a LOSER for not having found a job yet. I dont sleep at night..Sometimes during the day..sometimes not. My parents sent me a box..some halloween decorations and some stuff I left behind. When I got the box, there was a card in it..and I could smell the "smell of home". I sat beside my box and cried.. I just dont know what I am going to do right now. I miss home so much. I miss my family and my friends.

Joyce is going to be having her baby here soon. I havent really got to see her "blown up" and probably wont. I really would of liked to. My Dog died..he was my first dog that I was old enough to call mine..Raised from a young age (me and the dog) and hes gone. I guess most of this started up when my brother told me he was gone. I got to thinking, what happens if thats one of my friends or my parents..what would I do. What could I do, Nothing.

Im such a mess right now. The weather is miserable..rainy and cold.
Im here alone..and that doesnt help either.

Im just going to snuggle up on the couch with my kittys and hope I fall asleep.

I am just..praying so hard I get a call from one of the five hundred places I applied to..today..I really need something good to happen.
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