96 Heartbeats...I Wish For One More
So...Christmas. It was good. I enjoyed all of the food, family, and gifts. Yet something was missing. Something I can't quite figure out...but I have somewhat of an idea what it is. It just sucks that I'll never be able to have it all. I'll never be able to have a great job, awesome friends, a wonderful family, and a good boyfriend. One of those things will always be missing for some reason. It always has, and it always will. I feel like I let people down this year. A lot. I let my parents down. I let my brother down. I let my friends down (A LOT....I'm so sorry. I feel so ashamed of myself for doing that). I let down boyfriends. I let down my grandparents. The list could go on until this thing would not let my type anymore. I feel so empty. So worthless.
I'm sick. I'm not sure what's wrong with me...but I know there is something wrong. Bad stomach cramps (so bad I'm in tears whenever they come around), shortness of breath, headaches, entirely too much fatigue (even for this time of year), lower back pain, and on top of that...it feel like there is a brick laying on my chest. It seems as if nothing makes me happy anymore. I was happy today...for just a few minutes. I woke up early enough to watch the sun come up. It was beautiful. I couldn't take pictures because...I have no camera. But...for some reason...I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad that I got to see this beautiful sunrise that not many other people saw because they were busy inside unwrapping gifts and eating breakfast or even sleeping. It's like I have a secret...everyone knows about it...but no one can comprehend how important or meaningful it is.
Ok so I'm lame...I feel like I only write when I'm either extremely tired or sad. Oh well...that's just me. That's the only time I'm in a writing mood...when I'm depressed or tired. I got a new job. I work at a doctors office...http://www.seeclear.com
Yes, I work there now. 40 hours a week. Plus I'm going to school full time. Full schedule for me. No time for much else besides work and school. 5 classes...40 hours a week for work. I'm going to die.
Ok...well I'm going to try to sleep. I hope everyone had a great Christmas!
I'm sick. I'm not sure what's wrong with me...but I know there is something wrong. Bad stomach cramps (so bad I'm in tears whenever they come around), shortness of breath, headaches, entirely too much fatigue (even for this time of year), lower back pain, and on top of that...it feel like there is a brick laying on my chest. It seems as if nothing makes me happy anymore. I was happy today...for just a few minutes. I woke up early enough to watch the sun come up. It was beautiful. I couldn't take pictures because...I have no camera. But...for some reason...I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad that I got to see this beautiful sunrise that not many other people saw because they were busy inside unwrapping gifts and eating breakfast or even sleeping. It's like I have a secret...everyone knows about it...but no one can comprehend how important or meaningful it is.
Ok so I'm lame...I feel like I only write when I'm either extremely tired or sad. Oh well...that's just me. That's the only time I'm in a writing mood...when I'm depressed or tired. I got a new job. I work at a doctors office...http://www.seeclear.com
Yes, I work there now. 40 hours a week. Plus I'm going to school full time. Full schedule for me. No time for much else besides work and school. 5 classes...40 hours a week for work. I'm going to die.
Ok...well I'm going to try to sleep. I hope everyone had a great Christmas!