(no subject)
I'm doing the things I need to do. Going to AA. Reading the Big Book (AA book). Packing. I'm actually packing his stuff today for him, because he's always working. If I don't keep busy, I'll self-destruct. It's really fucking hard to be sober right now, but I'm doing it. I thought that if this ever happened, I'd fall completely to shit. I think it's the hope that's keeping my head above water. My brain wants to go everywhere at once at times. That's the hardest.
I have mixed feelings about future events. Sometimes I feel like he's going to really give me a chance. Other times, I imagine him choosing someone else, because I'm so damaged. He's not in love with me, but he loves me. If that isn't an equation for "let's just be friends" then well, yeah. The thing is, I could never be friends with him, even though he's my best friend. You can't be close to those that you're in love with and know that you'll never feel their kiss or "I love you" or anything again. I pray to God that this isn't it. Lord, give me strength.
I actually have been very strong, even though I feel weak. I've been staying positive to the best of my ability. Focusing on the good things and trying not to let my recovery just be about him.
Music has really helped me. It's very therapeutic to hear someone else's tale of heart-break. Especially set to a good beat ;P. This is my theme song right now (takes a few seconds to load):
I have mixed feelings about future events. Sometimes I feel like he's going to really give me a chance. Other times, I imagine him choosing someone else, because I'm so damaged. He's not in love with me, but he loves me. If that isn't an equation for "let's just be friends" then well, yeah. The thing is, I could never be friends with him, even though he's my best friend. You can't be close to those that you're in love with and know that you'll never feel their kiss or "I love you" or anything again. I pray to God that this isn't it. Lord, give me strength.
I actually have been very strong, even though I feel weak. I've been staying positive to the best of my ability. Focusing on the good things and trying not to let my recovery just be about him.
Music has really helped me. It's very therapeutic to hear someone else's tale of heart-break. Especially set to a good beat ;P. This is my theme song right now (takes a few seconds to load):
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