(no subject)

[vgsgirl]

So i really don't know what it is, but the insomnia is back. It's weird because I began to construct a list for myself every time that it happened so that i could try to pinpoint a cause, but right about now absolutely nothing applied except for maybe a bit of financial guilt (i blame it on the splurge on the purse, coat, various clothing, haircut and dye, leonard cohen tickets, and camera course that i signed up for), all of which were splurges save for the last which i'm actually really excited about.even looking at that list simply hurts... ouch. other than that, things have been going pretty well for me. new boy, still at the job (where i've been offered a job until wheneever i leave come fall). So all i can put it down to is my early mornings (i haven't been able to make my old english class for a while as a result of my propensity to stay up so late/not be able to sleep... for example, there is no way in hell i'm planning on being up in 2.5 hours to go to class, then go to work, then come home and work on editing the two essay i have due thursday. So early mornings plus just the pressure that i've been putting on myself to do well and get good marks... i guess a pressure that i haven't quite been living up to, particularly now when i factor in my fourth year itis... aka my jekyll and hyde 'i'm graduating so soon, i just want to fuck it' versus my 'no, you have to do well and get into a great grad school!' dilemma. sometimes it's hard battling those inner urges to neglect something, particularly when you're already so tired from all the work. i feel as though i haven't stopped writing essays in seven weeks now, and looking back on my calendar the past several weeks, i realise that that's true... i've had an essay due every single week, occasionally two essays weekly, since the beginning of february. it has been a long, arduous process, but it's almost done. three more essays, and two more exams... i can't wait until this semester is done with. i need to not have to worry about 6:30am wake-ups anymore... killer.

i also think i might have carpal tunnel. or something. my wrist is so fucked up it very frequently hurts to type. like now. which is why i'm giving up in favour of another attempt to sleep. typing with one hand takes a long time.