La foi s'effrite. ((Private.))
I spoke far too fast about being able to go on. Yes, I am able, but now Charlotte's gone- and Emily too, to find her. She is strong, and fierce. It's one of the things I most admire about her; so if she wants to do this alone, I'm not so worried that I would have had to tell her, "Don't go."
But I will worry nevertheless, even if she's said she'll only be away for a week.
The play goes up in two weeks. The soccer team is filled with absurd phallopolitical tension, although I'm sure I would be part of it myself if I had the energy to devote to caring. I feel sore without and within: my legs hurt from Nico's drills, my wrist from falling out of a tree, my eyes from the lingering memory of the horror they saw before I fell, other places from other things. And my soul feels ill. I am finally prepared to believe in this reincarnation affair, but to do so, I have to let a loose thread of my faith become unraveled.
Tout est la mort, l'horreur, la guerre;
L'homme par l'ombre est éclipsé;
L'ouragan par toute la terre
Court comme un enfant insensé.
Il brise à l'hiver les feuillages,
L'éclair aux cimes, l'onde aux plages,
À la tempête le rayon;
Car c'est l'ouragan qui gouverne
Toute cetter étrange caverne
Que nous nommons Création.
"All is death, horror, war; man by shadow is eclipsed; the hurricane runs like a senseless child all over the earth. It breaks the foliage in winter, the lightning flash at the summits, the wave at the beaches, the sunbeam in the tempest; for this is the hurricane that governs all this strange cavern that we name Creation." So he said. So I said.
Emily, if you knew how I miss you already.
But I will worry nevertheless, even if she's said she'll only be away for a week.
The play goes up in two weeks. The soccer team is filled with absurd phallopolitical tension, although I'm sure I would be part of it myself if I had the energy to devote to caring. I feel sore without and within: my legs hurt from Nico's drills, my wrist from falling out of a tree, my eyes from the lingering memory of the horror they saw before I fell, other places from other things. And my soul feels ill. I am finally prepared to believe in this reincarnation affair, but to do so, I have to let a loose thread of my faith become unraveled.
Tout est la mort, l'horreur, la guerre;
L'homme par l'ombre est éclipsé;
L'ouragan par toute la terre
Court comme un enfant insensé.
Il brise à l'hiver les feuillages,
L'éclair aux cimes, l'onde aux plages,
À la tempête le rayon;
Car c'est l'ouragan qui gouverne
Toute cetter étrange caverne
Que nous nommons Création.
"All is death, horror, war; man by shadow is eclipsed; the hurricane runs like a senseless child all over the earth. It breaks the foliage in winter, the lightning flash at the summits, the wave at the beaches, the sunbeam in the tempest; for this is the hurricane that governs all this strange cavern that we name Creation." So he said. So I said.
Emily, if you knew how I miss you already.