(no subject)
this is the whole fic that i've been writing.
Please don’t forget me.
Behind every action there is a reason, and here’s mine.
I never wanted my life to end like this. In a cloud of pills, booze and depression I lived out my life as a fake never showing my feelings or showing any love.
This was my entire fault, I never should have let it get in my way or shroud my mind. All I ever wanted was to feel the love that I needed from you.
All I needed was you my love, ville that was all I needed.
All my love
Bam
Bam signed his name and placed the note next to him where he was sure it would be found.
It’s been a while since I could...
Hold my head up high
It’s been a while
Since I first saw you
It’s been a while
Since I could stand
On my own two feet again
And it’s been a while
Since I could call you
He picked up the glinting piece metal by his side and stared at the edge before dragging it across his wrists, gasping as the shock of pain turned to numbness.
And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
Consequences that I’ve rendered
Have stretched myself beyond my means
He fell to the floor, the blade falling to the note leaving drops of crimson.
It’s been a while
Since I could say
That I wasn’t addicted
It’s been a while
Since I could say
I loved myself as well and...
It’s been a while
Since I’ve gone and fucked things up
Just like I always do
It’s been a while
But all that shit seems to disappear when I’m with you
The room grew colder and began to swim. His last thoughts were haunted by green eyes, dark curly hair and creamy skin.
Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day
But then I go fuck things up again
Then… darkness.
It’s been a while
since I could...
Look at myself straight
It’s been a while
Since I said I’m sorry
It’s been a while
Since I’ve seen the way
The candles light your face
It’s been a while
But I can still
Remember just the way you taste
~*~*~*~*~
“Bam?” ville’s voice drifted though the apartment.
He pushed open the door to bam’s room.
“Oh god”
There was bam, lying in a pool of his own blood with a blade clutched to him like a new born child. Ville dropped to his knees and reached out to feel bam’s throat.
He was still warm.
Quickly he pulled out his cell phone and dialled those three numbers everyone knew.
“Hello 911” responded the voice on the phone.
“I need you to send an ambulance”
“Yes sir and would you tell me what the emergence is?”
Ville was starting to panic, hating the fact that he was just standing there while bam slowly died next to him.
“Sir I can’t send an ambulance if you don’t tell me what’s happened”
“He….he slit his wrists” ville was sobbing now, unable to keep his emotion under control.
“Sir can you tell me what you’re address is?” asked the woman, in a softer tone after hearing ville’s sobs.
He grabbed the nearest envelope and read off the address.
“Ok I need you to do something for me, ok?”
“Yes” ville replied.
“Go over to you’re friend, what’s his name?” she asked.
“Bam”
“Ok, go over to bam and tie something around his wrists to stop him from bleeding, ok?”
“Um…ok” he looked around the room.
“I can’t find anything”
“Are you wearing a shirt?”
“Yeah, what kind of question is that?”
“No, take off you’re shirt and use that”
“Oh….sorry” he pulled off his shirt and pried the blade from bam’s grip. He slashed his shirt and tied it around bam’s wrists. It seemed like hours had past since he had walked in and found bam this way but really it’s was only a couple of minutes.
“Why did you do this?” he sighed and glanced at bam’s body sprawled out on the carpet. He noticed a piece of paper and picked it up and read the first line.
Please don’t forget me…
There was a knock on the door, ville jumped and shoved the note in to his pocket. He ran downstairs to let the paramedics in.
“Where is he?” the paramedic asked.
Ville pointed upstairs.
“Ok, thanks” he gave ville a worrying look and went up.
Ville collapsed on to a sofa. The last five minutes had exhausted him and all he wanted to do now was sleep……he let his eyes drift shut…………NO! Not when bam was hurt or….dying? He was about to break into tears again when the paramedic tapped him on the shoulder.
“Are you family?” he asked as ville wiped away a stray tear.
“Well yes, right now I am”
“Ok can you come with us so that he has someone with him when he wakes up?”
“Um…yeah” ville grabbed his coat.
The trip to the emergency room was just as bad, apart from the fact that the stupid ass paramedic was telling shitty jokes in a bid to “lighten the mood” ville couldn’t stand seeing bam lying unconscious in front of him with the remains of his shirt tied on to his wrists.
At last they arrived.
The doors shot open and the two paramedics pulled bam’s trolley towards the doors. Ville went to follow but the man stopped him.
“I’m sorry sir you’ll have to wait in the family room until we’ve cleaned him up a bit”
Ville wondered off and eventfully he found a room. Slumping into a chair he pulled the note from his pocket and studied it, three drops of bright crimson blood gleamed on the paper.
He looked up to see if anyone was watching him, wiped a pale finger over one of the drops and bought it to his lips.
He lapped at it with his tongue, expecting it to be tangy and metallic like his own, but strangely it was….sweet?
Just as he pulled his finger from his mouth a woman walked in.
“Mr. Valo” ville’s head shot up on hearing his name. How did they know his name?
“Mr.Valo if you’ll come with me I’ll show you to Mr. Margera’s room now” ville’s heart skipped a beat.
She showed him into a room where bam was connected to what looked like a hundred different machines all of them making there own little noise to show that he was still alive.
The woman turned to leave but before she did ville asked.
“How did you know my name?” “And his” he continued.
“It’s all now our database dear, he comes in here enough to have his own file and room”
“Is he going to be okay?” ville asked sheepishly.
“Its touch and go dear, he cut himself pretty deep and he lost a lot of blood”
“Oh….thank you anyway” she walked out, leaving ville with only his thoughts for company.
He pulled the note back out and began to read. When he finished he let it drop from his hand and flout to the ground.
In the morning I am empty
Of everything I used to be
I will write away my feelings
So no one would ever read
If I had all of the answers
I could poor salt on my wounds
I could fill this room with sorrow
So no one would ever see.
This was why bam had tried to kill himself, because of him, because he thought that ville didn’t love him back.
I want to wake up and drink from your river
I want to reach out and tear down the sky
To know I'm alive
I want to learn how to feel without bleeding
I want to learn how to live by your side
You're no longer mine.
All this because ville had been too much of a coward to tell bam how he really felt.
If I offered you a picture
And the paint is yet to dry
Could you live with just a whisper?
A flower is meant to die
If I had all of the answers
I could poor salt on my wounds
I could fill this room with sorrow
So no one would ever see.
He pulled his chair closer to the bed and entwined bam’s fingers with his own.
And why
We gotta swim against the tide to each other
To find the other side of the river
And why
We gotta swim against the tide to each other
To find the other side of the river.
“I love you bam” ville whispered, his eyes filling with tears again.
I want to wake up and drink from your river
I want to reach out and tear down the sky
To know I'm alive, yeah
I want to learn how to feel without bleeding
I want to learn how to live by your side
To know that you’re mine.
Bam’s eyes flickered open.
Why
We gotta swim against the tide to each other
To find the other side of the river
And why
We gotta swim against the tide to each other
To find the other side of the river.
“Ville?” bam cried out.
“Shhhh, I’m here bammy, I’m here” he reached out and stroked bam’s icy cheek. Bam nuzzled into his hand.
“Ville, where am I?” he asked in a quite voice, not really sure if he wanted to know.
“You’re in hospital, sweetheart” his heart breaking at the look of confusion in bam’s eyes.
“but…I…” he fell silent, tears rolling slowly down his cheeks “did you read my note?” he croaked trying to move away from ville’s hand.
“Bam….I…lov” he was cut off when April rushed in, handbag swinging madly from her arm.
“Oh thank god” she breathed.
Bam just stared at her with round eyes.
She took a deep breath and bam covered his ears, he knew what was coming.
“WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING BAM?”
She stopped and bam emerged thinking that it was safe to come out.
But she wasn’t done yet.
“HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WE ALL LOVE YOU!”
Ville could bam was close to breaking point.
“April I know you’re worried about bam but I think that right now all he needs to do is sleep” he hoped she was getting the message.
“VILLE DO YOU REALLY THINK I’M GOING TO TAKE ADVICE FROM YOU!?” ville flinched at this. No one ever made a comment on his sexuality, well bam had asked some questions but April was the last person he thought would say anything.
But she still wasn’t done.
“EVER SINCE BAM KNEW YOU THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING DOWNHILL FOR HIM”
“April I don’t think its fair to say that, I’ve boosted bam’s career and he’s done the same for me”
April came up close to his face “that’s not what I’m talking about ville, I know what happened last year when jenn found you and bam ki……”
“STOP!” bam yelled. Ape looked at him in surprise.
“If you’re going to be like that then you can get out” he ordered.
April looked like she’d been slapped.
TBC
Please don’t forget me.
Behind every action there is a reason, and here’s mine.
I never wanted my life to end like this. In a cloud of pills, booze and depression I lived out my life as a fake never showing my feelings or showing any love.
This was my entire fault, I never should have let it get in my way or shroud my mind. All I ever wanted was to feel the love that I needed from you.
All I needed was you my love, ville that was all I needed.
All my love
Bam
Bam signed his name and placed the note next to him where he was sure it would be found.
It’s been a while since I could...
Hold my head up high
It’s been a while
Since I first saw you
It’s been a while
Since I could stand
On my own two feet again
And it’s been a while
Since I could call you
He picked up the glinting piece metal by his side and stared at the edge before dragging it across his wrists, gasping as the shock of pain turned to numbness.
And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
Consequences that I’ve rendered
Have stretched myself beyond my means
He fell to the floor, the blade falling to the note leaving drops of crimson.
It’s been a while
Since I could say
That I wasn’t addicted
It’s been a while
Since I could say
I loved myself as well and...
It’s been a while
Since I’ve gone and fucked things up
Just like I always do
It’s been a while
But all that shit seems to disappear when I’m with you
The room grew colder and began to swim. His last thoughts were haunted by green eyes, dark curly hair and creamy skin.
Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day
But then I go fuck things up again
Then… darkness.
It’s been a while
since I could...
Look at myself straight
It’s been a while
Since I said I’m sorry
It’s been a while
Since I’ve seen the way
The candles light your face
It’s been a while
But I can still
Remember just the way you taste
~*~*~*~*~
“Bam?” ville’s voice drifted though the apartment.
He pushed open the door to bam’s room.
“Oh god”
There was bam, lying in a pool of his own blood with a blade clutched to him like a new born child. Ville dropped to his knees and reached out to feel bam’s throat.
He was still warm.
Quickly he pulled out his cell phone and dialled those three numbers everyone knew.
“Hello 911” responded the voice on the phone.
“I need you to send an ambulance”
“Yes sir and would you tell me what the emergence is?”
Ville was starting to panic, hating the fact that he was just standing there while bam slowly died next to him.
“Sir I can’t send an ambulance if you don’t tell me what’s happened”
“He….he slit his wrists” ville was sobbing now, unable to keep his emotion under control.
“Sir can you tell me what you’re address is?” asked the woman, in a softer tone after hearing ville’s sobs.
He grabbed the nearest envelope and read off the address.
“Ok I need you to do something for me, ok?”
“Yes” ville replied.
“Go over to you’re friend, what’s his name?” she asked.
“Bam”
“Ok, go over to bam and tie something around his wrists to stop him from bleeding, ok?”
“Um…ok” he looked around the room.
“I can’t find anything”
“Are you wearing a shirt?”
“Yeah, what kind of question is that?”
“No, take off you’re shirt and use that”
“Oh….sorry” he pulled off his shirt and pried the blade from bam’s grip. He slashed his shirt and tied it around bam’s wrists. It seemed like hours had past since he had walked in and found bam this way but really it’s was only a couple of minutes.
“Why did you do this?” he sighed and glanced at bam’s body sprawled out on the carpet. He noticed a piece of paper and picked it up and read the first line.
Please don’t forget me…
There was a knock on the door, ville jumped and shoved the note in to his pocket. He ran downstairs to let the paramedics in.
“Where is he?” the paramedic asked.
Ville pointed upstairs.
“Ok, thanks” he gave ville a worrying look and went up.
Ville collapsed on to a sofa. The last five minutes had exhausted him and all he wanted to do now was sleep……he let his eyes drift shut…………NO! Not when bam was hurt or….dying? He was about to break into tears again when the paramedic tapped him on the shoulder.
“Are you family?” he asked as ville wiped away a stray tear.
“Well yes, right now I am”
“Ok can you come with us so that he has someone with him when he wakes up?”
“Um…yeah” ville grabbed his coat.
The trip to the emergency room was just as bad, apart from the fact that the stupid ass paramedic was telling shitty jokes in a bid to “lighten the mood” ville couldn’t stand seeing bam lying unconscious in front of him with the remains of his shirt tied on to his wrists.
At last they arrived.
The doors shot open and the two paramedics pulled bam’s trolley towards the doors. Ville went to follow but the man stopped him.
“I’m sorry sir you’ll have to wait in the family room until we’ve cleaned him up a bit”
Ville wondered off and eventfully he found a room. Slumping into a chair he pulled the note from his pocket and studied it, three drops of bright crimson blood gleamed on the paper.
He looked up to see if anyone was watching him, wiped a pale finger over one of the drops and bought it to his lips.
He lapped at it with his tongue, expecting it to be tangy and metallic like his own, but strangely it was….sweet?
Just as he pulled his finger from his mouth a woman walked in.
“Mr. Valo” ville’s head shot up on hearing his name. How did they know his name?
“Mr.Valo if you’ll come with me I’ll show you to Mr. Margera’s room now” ville’s heart skipped a beat.
She showed him into a room where bam was connected to what looked like a hundred different machines all of them making there own little noise to show that he was still alive.
The woman turned to leave but before she did ville asked.
“How did you know my name?” “And his” he continued.
“It’s all now our database dear, he comes in here enough to have his own file and room”
“Is he going to be okay?” ville asked sheepishly.
“Its touch and go dear, he cut himself pretty deep and he lost a lot of blood”
“Oh….thank you anyway” she walked out, leaving ville with only his thoughts for company.
He pulled the note back out and began to read. When he finished he let it drop from his hand and flout to the ground.
In the morning I am empty
Of everything I used to be
I will write away my feelings
So no one would ever read
If I had all of the answers
I could poor salt on my wounds
I could fill this room with sorrow
So no one would ever see.
This was why bam had tried to kill himself, because of him, because he thought that ville didn’t love him back.
I want to wake up and drink from your river
I want to reach out and tear down the sky
To know I'm alive
I want to learn how to feel without bleeding
I want to learn how to live by your side
You're no longer mine.
All this because ville had been too much of a coward to tell bam how he really felt.
If I offered you a picture
And the paint is yet to dry
Could you live with just a whisper?
A flower is meant to die
If I had all of the answers
I could poor salt on my wounds
I could fill this room with sorrow
So no one would ever see.
He pulled his chair closer to the bed and entwined bam’s fingers with his own.
And why
We gotta swim against the tide to each other
To find the other side of the river
And why
We gotta swim against the tide to each other
To find the other side of the river.
“I love you bam” ville whispered, his eyes filling with tears again.
I want to wake up and drink from your river
I want to reach out and tear down the sky
To know I'm alive, yeah
I want to learn how to feel without bleeding
I want to learn how to live by your side
To know that you’re mine.
Bam’s eyes flickered open.
Why
We gotta swim against the tide to each other
To find the other side of the river
And why
We gotta swim against the tide to each other
To find the other side of the river.
“Ville?” bam cried out.
“Shhhh, I’m here bammy, I’m here” he reached out and stroked bam’s icy cheek. Bam nuzzled into his hand.
“Ville, where am I?” he asked in a quite voice, not really sure if he wanted to know.
“You’re in hospital, sweetheart” his heart breaking at the look of confusion in bam’s eyes.
“but…I…” he fell silent, tears rolling slowly down his cheeks “did you read my note?” he croaked trying to move away from ville’s hand.
“Bam….I…lov” he was cut off when April rushed in, handbag swinging madly from her arm.
“Oh thank god” she breathed.
Bam just stared at her with round eyes.
She took a deep breath and bam covered his ears, he knew what was coming.
“WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING BAM?”
She stopped and bam emerged thinking that it was safe to come out.
But she wasn’t done yet.
“HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WE ALL LOVE YOU!”
Ville could bam was close to breaking point.
“April I know you’re worried about bam but I think that right now all he needs to do is sleep” he hoped she was getting the message.
“VILLE DO YOU REALLY THINK I’M GOING TO TAKE ADVICE FROM YOU!?” ville flinched at this. No one ever made a comment on his sexuality, well bam had asked some questions but April was the last person he thought would say anything.
But she still wasn’t done.
“EVER SINCE BAM KNEW YOU THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING DOWNHILL FOR HIM”
“April I don’t think its fair to say that, I’ve boosted bam’s career and he’s done the same for me”
April came up close to his face “that’s not what I’m talking about ville, I know what happened last year when jenn found you and bam ki……”
“STOP!” bam yelled. Ape looked at him in surprise.
“If you’re going to be like that then you can get out” he ordered.
April looked like she’d been slapped.
TBC