The Past and I
Hi everyone. I've been writing an online diary for years, just not on this site. I've come here for a few different reasons. Mostly because the past isn't ready to leave me alone, whereas I'm more than ready to leave it where it should be - in the past.
The past is a funny thing because it just never stays in the past it seems. Some people call it coming full circle. Others call it fate or predestination or G_d's plan. I call it annoying as all heck.
If I had a great past, I'm sure I wouldn't be this bitter about it. Maybe I'm just tired of it. Tired of hiding things, keeping secrets, explaining myself just to satisfy questions that shouldn't be asked in the first place.
Here's the ironic part - I've always said that I try to live my life with no regrets. To regret is to wish that you aren't where you are now - that things turned out differently - to want to be someone or something else - to be with someone else or no one at all.
So far, I don't have regrets. I love my life, and I feel that no matter what I've done that's so awful in the past, I've also made up for that awful stuff with a whole lot of good stuff. So, I deserve my life and I refuse to let it go just because some people won't let go of the past and have their own regrets.
Still, there are times when I wonder "what if...." But it always comes back to me shrugging and smiling at my own stupidity - "what if" simply doesn't exist.
The past is a funny thing because it just never stays in the past it seems. Some people call it coming full circle. Others call it fate or predestination or G_d's plan. I call it annoying as all heck.
If I had a great past, I'm sure I wouldn't be this bitter about it. Maybe I'm just tired of it. Tired of hiding things, keeping secrets, explaining myself just to satisfy questions that shouldn't be asked in the first place.
Here's the ironic part - I've always said that I try to live my life with no regrets. To regret is to wish that you aren't where you are now - that things turned out differently - to want to be someone or something else - to be with someone else or no one at all.
So far, I don't have regrets. I love my life, and I feel that no matter what I've done that's so awful in the past, I've also made up for that awful stuff with a whole lot of good stuff. So, I deserve my life and I refuse to let it go just because some people won't let go of the past and have their own regrets.
Still, there are times when I wonder "what if...." But it always comes back to me shrugging and smiling at my own stupidity - "what if" simply doesn't exist.