Deep inside my head...
HI UM YES HI. GOD UM HI LOL. OK SOZ work sucked ass. I'd quit, but you know what? NOW I've pinned a damn CAR NOTE on my list of debts. 4 credit cards, and a 300 dollar car note. Plus about 100,000 dollars in school loans. Oh, I can't wait to start my professional life. That's seriously alot to pay off. I'm totally scared of what's going to happen in my future. :/ I'm probably going to go bankrupt at age 25 and live my life in debt hell for the next 20 or so. Sick and sad, yes.
Soz, I'm all wondering why everyone is siding with my god damned bitch brother lately. Ok, so we got a car. Not a good choice for WE. Ok. I'm not 17 too. I'm 21. I have alot more that I need to do in life other than still be living at my mom and dad's house and sharing a car with my brother, who just hogs it anyways, so he can drive this girl Te'nesha around. Stupid fucking whore.
I've also been thinking. I'm going to just save my money. Leave my bill payments here for the months of June-July and go see my friend in Rhode Island. If I like it THAT much, I may not come back. I mean, what the fuck is this? MY priorites are SECONDARY to the ones of my 17 year old brother. That's not right. Everyone's all giving my snotty ass looks. I just need a vacation. Life seems so difficult lately. I mean dying sometimes sounds like a better alternative. See, I'm starting to CRY and that means this journal is working. HMM, I have NO willpower. To do ANYTHING. It's like I'm living my life in complete fear of myself and everything around me.
Hopefully life will get easier. I don't care what gets taken away from me. My dad sits here and threatens to take "OUR"..i mean MY BROTHER'S (although I must pay 300, my half of the note) Car away if we can't "make a schedule to use it" or some stupid shit. I mean I'm done already. TAKE IT. ok? :D It would hurt, I would be mad, but I MYSELF can just go get a damn loan and purchase my own fucking car. HELLO im 21. It's seriously annoying, I took on a new job as the Appointments Receptionist at work too..I'm seriously going to be on anti-depressants soon too :/ School in the morning. My brother has to combat all my plans with his, so he goes and gets a school permit to take the damn car to school..SOOOOOOO I don't care if I never see it again. I don't. I think I need to go scream somewhere..umm, yeah..bad. I don't care..I'll pay, my life is JUST that nonchalant lately, that I'll pay for a car I don't even DRIVE. It's hard when it seems like everyone's just against you for who knows what...really..I mean, god ;/..I can't sit and tell my life story..i'll go shoot myself. I have NO FRIENDS..can you believe that one. I think i'll go sit in my closet and cry and come out when I'm done. I'm not touching that car..I can't afford to care anymore. Work was so hard. I'm fasting so I wonder if that's what's pushing my mood to be so sour. I feel helpless, like I can't do anything..they're acting like I've just committed murder..really, Eh, oh well..life's a bitch, then you die. FAIR AND SQUARE. I start my Power 90 shizzle tomorrow. I hope this works..I can't afford to be a water buffalo any longer. Talk to you later..bye.
Soz, I'm all wondering why everyone is siding with my god damned bitch brother lately. Ok, so we got a car. Not a good choice for WE. Ok. I'm not 17 too. I'm 21. I have alot more that I need to do in life other than still be living at my mom and dad's house and sharing a car with my brother, who just hogs it anyways, so he can drive this girl Te'nesha around. Stupid fucking whore.
I've also been thinking. I'm going to just save my money. Leave my bill payments here for the months of June-July and go see my friend in Rhode Island. If I like it THAT much, I may not come back. I mean, what the fuck is this? MY priorites are SECONDARY to the ones of my 17 year old brother. That's not right. Everyone's all giving my snotty ass looks. I just need a vacation. Life seems so difficult lately. I mean dying sometimes sounds like a better alternative. See, I'm starting to CRY and that means this journal is working. HMM, I have NO willpower. To do ANYTHING. It's like I'm living my life in complete fear of myself and everything around me.
Hopefully life will get easier. I don't care what gets taken away from me. My dad sits here and threatens to take "OUR"..i mean MY BROTHER'S (although I must pay 300, my half of the note) Car away if we can't "make a schedule to use it" or some stupid shit. I mean I'm done already. TAKE IT. ok? :D It would hurt, I would be mad, but I MYSELF can just go get a damn loan and purchase my own fucking car. HELLO im 21. It's seriously annoying, I took on a new job as the Appointments Receptionist at work too..I'm seriously going to be on anti-depressants soon too :/ School in the morning. My brother has to combat all my plans with his, so he goes and gets a school permit to take the damn car to school..SOOOOOOO I don't care if I never see it again. I don't. I think I need to go scream somewhere..umm, yeah..bad. I don't care..I'll pay, my life is JUST that nonchalant lately, that I'll pay for a car I don't even DRIVE. It's hard when it seems like everyone's just against you for who knows what...really..I mean, god ;/..I can't sit and tell my life story..i'll go shoot myself. I have NO FRIENDS..can you believe that one. I think i'll go sit in my closet and cry and come out when I'm done. I'm not touching that car..I can't afford to care anymore. Work was so hard. I'm fasting so I wonder if that's what's pushing my mood to be so sour. I feel helpless, like I can't do anything..they're acting like I've just committed murder..really, Eh, oh well..life's a bitch, then you die. FAIR AND SQUARE. I start my Power 90 shizzle tomorrow. I hope this works..I can't afford to be a water buffalo any longer. Talk to you later..bye.