"Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?"
There's a couple of ways I can go about writing this post. One, the most obvious, is the super emotional way, and the second...well, isn't.
I guess I'll start from the beginning and we'll see what happens.
Bob and I had a "talk" about our relationship a couple of months ago or so, which, and I quote; he said that he didn't feel like he was in a relationship, but he still loved me and still wanted to talk to me, etc. Ambiguous, much? I asked him if he still thought of me as his girlfriend and how exactly did he still "love" me? (Which, knowing what I know now, must have confused him because to me there are several different types of love, and he apparently doesn't see it that way). From what I can recall and remember telling my friends the next day about this conversation, he said yes. The reason why I remember vividly is because I talked to Jessica and Tony about it in meticulous detail over the span of 3 or so hours the following day.
So, let's recap for a sec. He said he didn't "feel" like we were in a relationship, but still loved me, and wanted to keep contact. We had a "something" going on. What that is, I have no idea at this point, I said okay and just went with it.
Cut to Tuesday at this week. Well, kinda. I'll just say at this point I tried my best to keep regular contact with him despite the fact he seemed emotionally distant to me and half the time didn't even want to talk to me (how awesome is that, huh?).
Anyway, back to Tuesday. I brought up the fact that I'm not just talking to him just to talk about nothing, it was to keep a connection. Then he says and I quote: "You don't have to keep calling if you don't want to. We're not in a relationship, we're done."
Now. Let's stop here for a sec, once again. Do you all see a distinct difference in the conversation we had months ago and and the one from Tuesday? I certainly hope so.
After I heard these words, I stammered. I lost it. I was so confused. What he said previously was definitely not what was said now. I told him this and he replied "Yeah it was, we already had this conversation already, remember?". I told him it wasn't the same and it's not.
He lead me to believe that he still wanted something with me. Apparently, and only to him, that wasn't the case.
The only similarities between the previous conversation and the current one was that he said he still loved me (in what capacity I still don't know), and that he wouldn't mind talking to me. He even told me that he'd like to get back together if his situation gets better and we still want to when it happens. He says that there's no one else, and that it's just this shitty situation is preventing him from having the emotional capacity to handle a relationship.
Fair enough, although this adds little to no comfort on my end.
At the end, I really had no choice to agree with this, as much as I didn't want to.
Now, I'm left feeling empty and worthless. I have a hard time not crying through out the day (I'm crying right now, isn't that awesome?). I don't eat nearly as much as I used to. I feel discarded. Unwanted. Everything but loved.
Eventually I will have to make a choice and there's really only two options: Go with the flow and try to keep in contact or sever communications completely and forget he ever existed. There is no middle ground. No gray area. It's cut and dry.
I say this because as long as he claims to love me and keeps talking to me as such, then we'll keep talking. But, if he starts acting like a total douchebag towards me or starts dating someone else then I'll have to cut ties. I can't do it. I won't do it.
The only way for me to get over someone is to pretend like they never existed in the first place.
I don't want to do that, because I do still love him very much more than I can ever express in words, but if push comes to shove then it'll have to be done. Unlike a lot of people, I can drop others like that. (Needless to say, I have never had any addiction problems in my life.).
And, well...that's that, I suppose. If you see me posting sappy lyrics or you don't see me around at all you know why.
Well, why wait now! Take it away, Miss Turner:
(If I wasn't jaded before, I am now).
I guess I'll start from the beginning and we'll see what happens.
Bob and I had a "talk" about our relationship a couple of months ago or so, which, and I quote; he said that he didn't feel like he was in a relationship, but he still loved me and still wanted to talk to me, etc. Ambiguous, much? I asked him if he still thought of me as his girlfriend and how exactly did he still "love" me? (Which, knowing what I know now, must have confused him because to me there are several different types of love, and he apparently doesn't see it that way). From what I can recall and remember telling my friends the next day about this conversation, he said yes. The reason why I remember vividly is because I talked to Jessica and Tony about it in meticulous detail over the span of 3 or so hours the following day.
So, let's recap for a sec. He said he didn't "feel" like we were in a relationship, but still loved me, and wanted to keep contact. We had a "something" going on. What that is, I have no idea at this point, I said okay and just went with it.
Cut to Tuesday at this week. Well, kinda. I'll just say at this point I tried my best to keep regular contact with him despite the fact he seemed emotionally distant to me and half the time didn't even want to talk to me (how awesome is that, huh?).
Anyway, back to Tuesday. I brought up the fact that I'm not just talking to him just to talk about nothing, it was to keep a connection. Then he says and I quote: "You don't have to keep calling if you don't want to. We're not in a relationship, we're done."
Now. Let's stop here for a sec, once again. Do you all see a distinct difference in the conversation we had months ago and and the one from Tuesday? I certainly hope so.
After I heard these words, I stammered. I lost it. I was so confused. What he said previously was definitely not what was said now. I told him this and he replied "Yeah it was, we already had this conversation already, remember?". I told him it wasn't the same and it's not.
He lead me to believe that he still wanted something with me. Apparently, and only to him, that wasn't the case.
The only similarities between the previous conversation and the current one was that he said he still loved me (in what capacity I still don't know), and that he wouldn't mind talking to me. He even told me that he'd like to get back together if his situation gets better and we still want to when it happens. He says that there's no one else, and that it's just this shitty situation is preventing him from having the emotional capacity to handle a relationship.
Fair enough, although this adds little to no comfort on my end.
At the end, I really had no choice to agree with this, as much as I didn't want to.
Now, I'm left feeling empty and worthless. I have a hard time not crying through out the day (I'm crying right now, isn't that awesome?). I don't eat nearly as much as I used to. I feel discarded. Unwanted. Everything but loved.
Eventually I will have to make a choice and there's really only two options: Go with the flow and try to keep in contact or sever communications completely and forget he ever existed. There is no middle ground. No gray area. It's cut and dry.
I say this because as long as he claims to love me and keeps talking to me as such, then we'll keep talking. But, if he starts acting like a total douchebag towards me or starts dating someone else then I'll have to cut ties. I can't do it. I won't do it.
The only way for me to get over someone is to pretend like they never existed in the first place.
I don't want to do that, because I do still love him very much more than I can ever express in words, but if push comes to shove then it'll have to be done. Unlike a lot of people, I can drop others like that. (Needless to say, I have never had any addiction problems in my life.).
And, well...that's that, I suppose. If you see me posting sappy lyrics or you don't see me around at all you know why.
Well, why wait now! Take it away, Miss Turner:
Click to view(If I wasn't jaded before, I am now).