things have changed in a big way.
just when i was starting to like dances and football games and boyfriends something BAD HAS TO HAPPEN. and every aspect of school being fun is ruined and it makes me want to just leave and not go back. the fact that i havent made a real friend since 8th grade is killing me. people are assholes and whatever ill get used to it. ive got a lot of haters. but nooo homies. i hate everyone.
you know that feeling you feel? like you wish you could just erase every little irational thing you did in the last month? like you wish you would have THOUGHT about planned actions before ACTING on them??? or is it because im crazy and i let my emotions do the acting for me. oh
yeah, so in the last week, i got embarassingly shitty on my birthday and lost my cellphone 20 dollars and somehow.......my belt , i got arrested, i got playedddd....the coldest, and i lost about a dozen fans (theyre not friends so i dont know what to call them.)
Oh! and i found 115$ dollars.
oh yeah, so in the last 2 months, i got dumped twice, my mom got engaged, i moved from a duplex off of aurora to a fuckin MANSION. i got a dog. and a new life.
The best thing about summer in seattle is: Everyone is friends with Everyone. school is so restricting it hurts. literally. my school is full of enough cliques to make movies look mild. In the summer i loved everything about everyone and where we kicked it. i liked 20th and i liked archery and i liked spodis and kegs and all the people. 20th makes me want to puke and im so sick of 40s i could smash one over my head.
im sick of not being good enough to go to 06 parties, and everytime i think i find a good, genuine person. they turn out to be nothing like that. Im sick of all the shit talking that goes on about me behind my back. im so so sick of having to pick and choose friends because we cant ALL be friends. nooooo that would be way way too hard. im sick of TRIFFLIN bitches. and i pretty much just want to be out of highschool. because its the same everywhere, i know.
the funny thing is, i feel like i can fix all of this. i can fix boys feeling like they need to dump me. i can fix not being liked as much as the next kid. i can fix not being pretty enough. i can fix not being fun enough. i can fix not being cool enough. but then i think, well even if i could. it doesnt matter. at all.
its funny to think that nothing really matters at all right now. it doesnt matter that Tyler dumped me after i came back from vacation, "because i was too self concious and i was bringing him down." it doesnt matter that he was my best friend/ only friend. it doesnt matter that Neshawn (hes not black btw) dumped me because he "didnt want a girlfriend" but got back together with his ex anyways. it doesnt matter that i run my mouth too much. it doesnt matter that the "word on the street" is me and leanne are about to rumble. it doesnt matter that shes 5'8 and im 5'4.
it doesnt matter that i got arrested. it doesnt matter that i deserve everything thats ever happened to me. because there is a thing called KARMA. maybe if i become a better person and treat people the way i want to be treated it will all come back to me. SIKE. THAT DOESNT REALLY WORK YOU PEICE OF SHIT, WHOEVER MADE THAT UP. YOU TAKE WHAT YOU CAN GET AND DEAL WITH IT AND NEVER LOOK BACK. thats how i see it. atleast now.
so at the moment i am grounded for 21 more days. which means no homecoming no football games, kegs,johnnys spodis, nothing really. i can still kick it after school. but unless we find a new kick it spot, i wont wanna be doing much of that anyways. 20th, i really hate you.
and i miss neshawn no matter how bad i told him off. i really should not have done that. i should really shut my mouth. and handle things like a normal rational human being. i should really also go to class more.
but isnt it a little suspicious that everytime i have a boy, they start hanging out with leanne and it is no more??? i know she didnt hookup with tyler but while i was on vaycay they were joined at the hip and i know that bitch was talkin shit. and neshawn. thats a WHOLE other story full of hatershatershaters.
oh and you better believe that the boys treat you differently once youve been with TWO of the homies. thats taboo in these parts by the way. "you dont touch a homies ex". i dont even want to know what they talk about while im not there. its bad enough when i am.
SO BOTTOM LINE: EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THIS CITY HAS A MOUTH ON THE BACK OF THEIR HEAD AND AS YOUR TELLING THEM YOUR SHIT, THEYRE SPITTING IT OUT THE BACK!!!
idontgiveafuck. im getting out of highschool in a minute. and then i wont even have to think about these people, ill go to college parties and smoke college blunts and drink college 40's.............SOUNDS SO NEW AND EXCITING. IM EXCITED. whatever. im going to bed now. i have an interview tommorrow. at JUST DOGS SEATTLE. when your desperate for a job, your desperate for a job. i will even sell organic dog food at a mall kiosk. no prob.
tommorrows homecoming. im not going. good thing too because theres this new policy: no rap music, and a penalty box. i guess they sent out a letter saying "several orgasms were observed on the dance floor". so they blame the rap music. The Game never hurt no one.
you know that feeling you feel? like you wish you could just erase every little irational thing you did in the last month? like you wish you would have THOUGHT about planned actions before ACTING on them??? or is it because im crazy and i let my emotions do the acting for me. oh
yeah, so in the last week, i got embarassingly shitty on my birthday and lost my cellphone 20 dollars and somehow.......my belt , i got arrested, i got playedddd....the coldest, and i lost about a dozen fans (theyre not friends so i dont know what to call them.)
Oh! and i found 115$ dollars.
oh yeah, so in the last 2 months, i got dumped twice, my mom got engaged, i moved from a duplex off of aurora to a fuckin MANSION. i got a dog. and a new life.
The best thing about summer in seattle is: Everyone is friends with Everyone. school is so restricting it hurts. literally. my school is full of enough cliques to make movies look mild. In the summer i loved everything about everyone and where we kicked it. i liked 20th and i liked archery and i liked spodis and kegs and all the people. 20th makes me want to puke and im so sick of 40s i could smash one over my head.
im sick of not being good enough to go to 06 parties, and everytime i think i find a good, genuine person. they turn out to be nothing like that. Im sick of all the shit talking that goes on about me behind my back. im so so sick of having to pick and choose friends because we cant ALL be friends. nooooo that would be way way too hard. im sick of TRIFFLIN bitches. and i pretty much just want to be out of highschool. because its the same everywhere, i know.
the funny thing is, i feel like i can fix all of this. i can fix boys feeling like they need to dump me. i can fix not being liked as much as the next kid. i can fix not being pretty enough. i can fix not being fun enough. i can fix not being cool enough. but then i think, well even if i could. it doesnt matter. at all.
its funny to think that nothing really matters at all right now. it doesnt matter that Tyler dumped me after i came back from vacation, "because i was too self concious and i was bringing him down." it doesnt matter that he was my best friend/ only friend. it doesnt matter that Neshawn (hes not black btw) dumped me because he "didnt want a girlfriend" but got back together with his ex anyways. it doesnt matter that i run my mouth too much. it doesnt matter that the "word on the street" is me and leanne are about to rumble. it doesnt matter that shes 5'8 and im 5'4.
it doesnt matter that i got arrested. it doesnt matter that i deserve everything thats ever happened to me. because there is a thing called KARMA. maybe if i become a better person and treat people the way i want to be treated it will all come back to me. SIKE. THAT DOESNT REALLY WORK YOU PEICE OF SHIT, WHOEVER MADE THAT UP. YOU TAKE WHAT YOU CAN GET AND DEAL WITH IT AND NEVER LOOK BACK. thats how i see it. atleast now.
so at the moment i am grounded for 21 more days. which means no homecoming no football games, kegs,johnnys spodis, nothing really. i can still kick it after school. but unless we find a new kick it spot, i wont wanna be doing much of that anyways. 20th, i really hate you.
and i miss neshawn no matter how bad i told him off. i really should not have done that. i should really shut my mouth. and handle things like a normal rational human being. i should really also go to class more.
but isnt it a little suspicious that everytime i have a boy, they start hanging out with leanne and it is no more??? i know she didnt hookup with tyler but while i was on vaycay they were joined at the hip and i know that bitch was talkin shit. and neshawn. thats a WHOLE other story full of hatershatershaters.
oh and you better believe that the boys treat you differently once youve been with TWO of the homies. thats taboo in these parts by the way. "you dont touch a homies ex". i dont even want to know what they talk about while im not there. its bad enough when i am.
SO BOTTOM LINE: EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THIS CITY HAS A MOUTH ON THE BACK OF THEIR HEAD AND AS YOUR TELLING THEM YOUR SHIT, THEYRE SPITTING IT OUT THE BACK!!!
idontgiveafuck. im getting out of highschool in a minute. and then i wont even have to think about these people, ill go to college parties and smoke college blunts and drink college 40's.............SOUNDS SO NEW AND EXCITING. IM EXCITED. whatever. im going to bed now. i have an interview tommorrow. at JUST DOGS SEATTLE. when your desperate for a job, your desperate for a job. i will even sell organic dog food at a mall kiosk. no prob.
tommorrows homecoming. im not going. good thing too because theres this new policy: no rap music, and a penalty box. i guess they sent out a letter saying "several orgasms were observed on the dance floor". so they blame the rap music. The Game never hurt no one.