Ode to Optophobia (3B)
Title: Ode to Optophobia, or: Ten Men That Loved Annie Edison (6/19)
Author: veryspecial0ne
Rating: R for the whole series, to be safe.
Word count: ~2800 for this installment, ~17,900 for the series thus far. (Hey, Meta 101 counts it for me! Mine was off...?)
Disclaimer: I have now been tweeted by both Dan Harmon and Alison Brie. I'm pretty sure that's the closest I'll ever come to having any ownership over Community.
Spoilers: Through the end of Season 2.
Summary: Chapter Three (in which Annie is still kind of loved without really knowing about it), Part Two. Starring Colby Grayson, Annie's fellow rehab resident. "Colby snaps his fingers, startling Jeff. 'That's where I know you from! You're Homo-tron!' Jeff shoots a murderous look at Colby and Colby mutters, 'Sorry,' but can't wipe the smile completely from his face. 'Your forehead's much smaller in person,' he tries."
A/N: Unbeta'd. Title is from the song "Ode to Optophobia" by Danielle Ate the Sandwich. So in this installment, I discovered that Troy and Abed are really hard to write, for realsies, because even when the dialogue sounds okay if I imagine Donald and Danny saying it in my head, on the page it still appears caricature-ish to me. Comments and advice are more than welcome. Also, this story and Residue from Last Night are now posted in the archive at Meta 101, so if you haven't stopped over there yet, you should!
Previously: Chapter 3A.
"Seriously, dude, you have to see this!" An excited voice floats into Colby's comic book shop.
"It's pretty cool," comes a much less excited-sounding voice, and Colby now knows who will be coming into sight through the door he's left open to let in the crisp, early fall air. Troy and Abed, two of his most dedicated customers and more, are dragging in a tall, older guy that Colby doesn't think he's met before, but looks eerily familiar.
Troy and Abed smile at him. "Hey, Colby!"
"How's it going, guys?" Colby grins back.
Troy's practically vibrating with excitement. "This is our buddy Jeff." (The tall man raises his hand in silent greeting, his mouth a tight line.) "We want to show him."
Colby chortles. "Yeah, of course." He gestures unnecessarily towards the rack right next to his counter, the rack of independently drawn comics by local artists that Troy and Abed often stand near just to stare at it for inordinate amounts of time. They each grab one of Jeff's long arms and pull him over to face the rack, gesturing with identical flourishes.
"Ta-da!" sings Troy proudly.
Jeff is nonplussed. "It's a bunch of comic books. That I've never even heard of."
"Second row down, fourth from the left," Abed instructs.
Jeff rolls his eyes before directing them to the comic that Abed has specified and reading aloud, "Kickpuncher: the co-mic…" he trails off.
"Written by Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir," Troy recites.
"Drawn by Jim Mahfood," adds Abed.
Jeff raises his eyebrows. "Please tell me this isn't another excuse to draw Annie and Britta making out in their underwear. Not that I didn't enjoy it the first time, but if they find out…" He actually looks a little nervous.
"No, man," whines Troy. "Britta's seen it. This one's a real comic book. It's for sale here."
Jeff looks up at Colby, who's been watching them in amusement, with his eyebrows still raised. "Do people actually buy this?"
Colby nods. "I've sold about fifty copies."
"And only thirty-five of those were to us," Abed declares.
Jeff's gaze is wandering over the rest of the rack. "Is that Pierce as a superhero?"
Abed nods. "He hired someone to draw it a few years ago. That's what gave us our idea. You're in it, you know. See? Right there."
Colby snaps his fingers, startling Jeff. "That's where I know you from! You're Homo-tron!" Jeff shoots a murderous look at Colby and Colby mutters, "Sorry," but can't wipe the smile completely from his face. "Your forehead's much smaller in person," he tries.
Jeff lets out a tense breath and steps towards Colby, pulling out his wallet. "I'll buy every copy you have and pay you double not to restock."
"Sold," says Colby delightedly. "Hey, for an extra ten you can borrow my lighter and the trash can out in the alley."
"Done."
"Jee-eeeeff," says Troy beseechingly. He starts to flutter his eyelids and contort his mouth. It looks vaguely like he's having a stroke.
Jeff turns back to Colby with a disturbed look. "And a copy of Kickpuncher," he adds grudgingly, then calls over his shoulder, "if Troy promises to never try to make that face again!"
"Deal!" says Troy, and turns to Abed for their special handshake before they go deeper into the store to check out the new offerings. Colby can hear Troy's voice as the two retreat, "How come it works when Annie does it?"
Colby's ringing Jeff up when Jeff asks, in a low voice, "Have fifteen other people really bought their comic book?"
"Ten," Colby confesses. "Jim bought five."
Jeff screws up his face. "Is it any good?"
Colby cranes his neck to see if Troy and Abed can hear him. "It's pretty funny, you know, in the good way," he says fairly. "It's no Spider-Man, but if they're your friends, it's worth a read."
"You like Spider-Man?" Jeff regards Colby.
"Best superhero ever, man."
Jeff smiles for the first time. "A man after my own heart."
The payment complete, Colby plunks a stack of copies of Pierce Hawthorne: Wiping Up Evil on the counter in front of Jeff. "You gonna read it first?"
"You mentioned a lighter?"
Colby reaches into his pocket and hands his Zippo to Jeff, who flicks it open expertly.
"Nice," he says. "Thanks."
But before Jeff can pick up his new purchases and take them out the back door for a bonfire, Colby hears, from the doorway, a voice very much like one he hasn't heard in years and hasn't thought about in quite some time either. "Guys, can I have my fiancé back now?"
Jeff grins towards the door. "You just love saying that word."
"Don't pretend you're not saying it to yourself every chance you get to be alone," counters the pretty brunette walking towards him. "Our bathroom door isn't as thick as you think it is."
"That's because I'm trying to learn to say it without laughing so you won't hit me," Jeff protests, but he looks caught.
"Mm-hmm," hums the woman knowingly. They kiss.
"Colby!" Troy exclaims from behind them. He and Abed have emerged from the shelves, holding life-sized cardboard cut-outs of Spider-Man and Batman. "We should totally get these made for our comic!"
"Of who, yourselves? That's not creepy or something that Pierce would do at all," Jeff says scornfully, but the young woman at his side is looking at Colby like she's seen a ghost.
"Colby?" she says wonderingly. Her eyes are wide and a familiar sparkling, clear blue, and suddenly Colby realizes why her voice sounded so familiar. And maybe he's psychic, or was when he was younger and on drugs, because if this is the butterfly that came out of the acne-riddled chrysalis Colby once knew as Annie Edison, his brief unrequited love for her suddenly makes a lot of sense.
"Whoa, Annie!" he says in delight. "You look great! How the hell are you?"
"I'm good," she responds, sounding stunned. "How are you?"
"I'm awesome!"
Abed's voice cuts in. "You two know each other? How?"
"Oh good," Jeff groans, "more of this." Annie's gaze darts sideways towards him and her expression softens.
"What's with you?" Troy asks him, but it's Annie who answers.
"Jeff met Mr. Harding today. It…didn't go so well." She puts a hand on Jeff's back and rubs little circles on it. Colby remembers when she used to do that while she was hugging him.
"Can we get back on topic?" Abed interrupts. "How do Annie and Colby know each other?"
Annie looks at Colby, apparently at some kind of a loss for words, so Colby answers for her. "Arapahoe House."
Jeff looks at him sharply. "Wait, rehab?"
"Nice," breathes Abed.
A cold panic washes over Colby. "Oh, god." He looks at Annie. "Did they not know?"
"No! I mean, yes! " exclaims Annie. "I mean…they knew, they've always known. God, Colby. I can't believe it's you. And you work here? And you know Troy and Abed?"
"Actually I own the place," says Colby as modestly as he can, but Annie still squeals.
"Oh my god, Colby!" She bounces a little and Jeff puts a hand to the ear nearest her, wincing. "That's great! Good for you!"
"Man, it's really good to see you," Colby says, and he's a little surprised by how much he means it. "I should have e-mailed you forever ago."
Annie shrugs and doesn't look angry, but she doesn't tell him she understands or try to rationalize his neglect for him, which makes Colby suspect that nine years and a bit has dulled the pain of what was back then probably a crushing blow.
"So did you say you two are getting married?" Colby looks between Jeff and Annie.
"Wait, who's Mr. Harding?" Troy looks confused, clearly having been trying to place the name in his mind since Annie mentioned it.
Annie rolls her eyes and it's so much like the very different-looking Annie that Colby got to know the week before she disappeared from his life that he wants to leap across the counter and squeeze her. "Our history teacher, Troy. He got me into rehab, remember?"
Troy still doesn't look totally clear. "The dude with the mole?"
"No, that was our algebra teacher! Mr. Harding was younger--"
"I'll say," mutters Jeff. Annie shoots him a look that Colby can't read.
"What happened?" Abed wants to know.
"It was nothing," Annie demurs, but Jeff isn't having it.
"You want to know what happened, Abed?" he says rhetorically with his eyes on Annie.
Abed answers anyway. "Yes."
Jeff doesn't pause or look away from Annie. "Annie's favorite teacher, the guy I've been hearing about for the last six freaking years, essentially called me a deviant upon meeting me because I'm a little too close to his own age for the guy's comfort."
Abed looks uncomfortable. "Oh."
"We handled it, guys, it wasn't that big of a deal," Annie tries again, but Jeff is on a roll. Colby suspects from the quickly built momentum that this has been coming for a while now, and that Jeff's own distorted image staring evilly back at him from the cover of the comic books on the counter between them isn't helping to pacify him.
"Annie, when are you going to learn that just because you keep acting like it's not a big deal doesn't mean everyone else is going to act that way? I can't be the only one getting a little tired of being judged by everyone you ever knew before you started at Greendale."
"It was one teacher!" Annie cries.
"I haven't even gotten to that Andy guy at the restaurant--"
"Who?" demands Troy.
"My ex-boyfriend, Troy!" Annie says in exasperation. "He was there the night Jeff proposed. We just told you this story at lunch."
"Wait," Colby breaks in, "the ex-boyfriend from high school? That guy?"
Annie nods and Jeff challenges, "How do you know about him?"
"Colby and I were in rehab together, Jeff," Annie reminds him. "We had group therapy together. There was a time when we knew a lot about each other."
Jeff's addressing Colby again and he doesn't look happy. "How much?"
Colby laughs, then realizes this is the wrong choice when Jeff's eyes grow harder, and he corrects, "No, not like that! I was only sixteen and I was still half messed-up, man."
"Not to mention I had acne and that horrible hair--"
"It wasn't so bad!"
"My point," Jeff grits out, "about a thousand years ago, was that the ex-boyfriend may not have said anything, but he was thinking along the same lines as that Harding guy."
Annie folds her arms. "How could you possibly know that, Jeff? He was perfectly nice to you!"
"Annie--" Jeff starts loudly before appearing to remember that they were in the company of three other people, one of whom Jeff doesn't know very well. But Annie's looking at him expectantly, so he tries to calm down and speak rationally, which Colby can already tell is the wrong tack to take and probably won't last long. "Listen. You're the younger one here, so you don't notice as much, because you're not the one getting the looks."
"What looks?"
"The looks that say I'm some perverted old man taking advantage of the wide-eyed twenty-something!"
"I'm not wide-eyed," says Annie, stung.
"You are," says Abed helpfully. "If we're talking literally."
Annie continues without acknowledging this. "And you think I don't get looks from your buddies at the firm? They look at me like I'm some gold-digging hussy like all of their girlfriends! That guy Kyle's girlfriend keeps trying to get me to tell her where I got my boob job!"
"Oh yeah," Jeff says scathingly. "Life is so hard when you'll always be known as the young, pretty one in the relationship and have every guy you've ever met leaping to defend you from the predator who's just trying to get you in the sack, completely omitting the fact that we've been together for over six years, so I'm the one who's had plenty of time to realize how absolutely insane you are."
Annie doesn't seem to have a response to this yet, so Jeff turns back to Colby, both his hands on the counter and his back hunched over a little, so he does indeed look like a predator preparing to strike at this moment (and a little bit like Homo-tron). There's fire in his eyes. "So Colby," Jeff spits out, "why don't you tell us exactly what your opinion of Annie's engagement to me is? Please, don't hold back!"
There are perhaps ten seconds of silence, in which Colby glances around at the four gathered in his shop. Troy is hiding behind the Spider-Man cut-out with only the top half of his face and his fingers gripping around Spider-Man's biceps visible. His eyes are darting back and forth between Annie and he looks stiff with fright. Abed is also frozen, mostly expressionless, but with his head tilted to a degree that Colby has come to recognize as a sign that he is extremely interested in the proceedings. He's got his arm around the Batman cut-out like the two are old friends. Jeff is still in his same position, and Annie is watching Jeff, her arms still folded and her expression wounded but defiant.
"I think it's cool," says Colby. Annie jerks her head to look at him.
"What?" rasps Jeff, not believing him.
Colby shrugs. "I don't give a damn how old you are. All I care about is that you like Spider-Man, and Annie likes you. Right now I do think maybe you've got some rage issues, but Annie doesn't seem to mind, and she's cool. I trust her," he finishes simply.
Jeff's looking at him like he doesn't know what to make of him. The look on Annie's face, however…Colby hasn't been the recipient of this much grateful adoration since the day Annie was given her award at Arapahoe. He takes a moment to memorize her face and save up the sight for a rainy day.
Then Colby adds, remembering their presence, "And if you're a friend of Troy and Abed's you've got to be all right."
"Huzzah," Troy whispers shakily from behind Spider-Man.
Annie moves around the counter to give Colby a tight, heartfelt hug, which he returns. Just before they break apart, one of her hands rubs a tiny circle on his back, just like he remembers. When they're done, she walks another neat path around the counter back to Jeff and smacks him on the chest, hard.
"Sorry," he mumbles.
Annie raises an eyebrow.
Jeff groans and turns to Colby. "Sorry, man."
Colby only shrugs. "Yeah."
Jeff turns back to Annie, who looks marginally satisfied, which Jeff seems to take as permission to kiss her. From the way she responds, it appears that actually is how she intended it.
Behind them, Troy is finally emerging from behind his cardboard shield. Abed looks even more satisfied than Annie.
"I was waiting for that," he says to Troy, "but I didn't think we'd actually get to see it. Cool."
"You couldn't have warned me?" hisses Troy back, still looking at Jeff and Annie warily as if he's afraid they're about to become a four-armed, two-headed monster that will attack at any given moment.
The two break apart, though, and Jeff looks at Colby. "So…is this a bad time to ask where that trash can is?" He holds up Colby's Zippo, still clutched in his hand.
Annie narrows her eyes and says, "What now?" Jeff wordlessly holds up the copy of Pierce's comic book at the top of the stack. Her face clears, though the corners of her mouth are twitching. "Fine. But I'm coming with you. After last time, there is no way I'm trusting you alone with fire."
"Well, I still don't trust you with chloroform, so I guess we're even," breezes Jeff, and he picks up the stack of comic books and heads toward the back of the store after a gesture from Colby.
Annie hangs back for a minute to stifle her giggles. "Oh my god," she says quietly to Colby, eyes shining with mirth. "Please tell me those aren't the only copies."
Colby scoffs and grins. "They were, but I took one off the stack for you while you guys were making out." He flashes her the cover and she bounces on the soles of her feet a little in glee. Annie rolls the comic carefully and slips it into her purse before the two start to follow Jeff, Troy, and Abed to the back entrance to the alley. "So…" Colby speculates out loud, "chloroform?"
Next: Chapter 4A.
Author: veryspecial0ne
Rating: R for the whole series, to be safe.
Word count: ~2800 for this installment, ~17,900 for the series thus far. (Hey, Meta 101 counts it for me! Mine was off...?)
Disclaimer: I have now been tweeted by both Dan Harmon and Alison Brie. I'm pretty sure that's the closest I'll ever come to having any ownership over Community.
Spoilers: Through the end of Season 2.
Summary: Chapter Three (in which Annie is still kind of loved without really knowing about it), Part Two. Starring Colby Grayson, Annie's fellow rehab resident. "Colby snaps his fingers, startling Jeff. 'That's where I know you from! You're Homo-tron!' Jeff shoots a murderous look at Colby and Colby mutters, 'Sorry,' but can't wipe the smile completely from his face. 'Your forehead's much smaller in person,' he tries."
A/N: Unbeta'd. Title is from the song "Ode to Optophobia" by Danielle Ate the Sandwich. So in this installment, I discovered that Troy and Abed are really hard to write, for realsies, because even when the dialogue sounds okay if I imagine Donald and Danny saying it in my head, on the page it still appears caricature-ish to me. Comments and advice are more than welcome. Also, this story and Residue from Last Night are now posted in the archive at Meta 101, so if you haven't stopped over there yet, you should!
Previously: Chapter 3A.
"Seriously, dude, you have to see this!" An excited voice floats into Colby's comic book shop.
"It's pretty cool," comes a much less excited-sounding voice, and Colby now knows who will be coming into sight through the door he's left open to let in the crisp, early fall air. Troy and Abed, two of his most dedicated customers and more, are dragging in a tall, older guy that Colby doesn't think he's met before, but looks eerily familiar.
Troy and Abed smile at him. "Hey, Colby!"
"How's it going, guys?" Colby grins back.
Troy's practically vibrating with excitement. "This is our buddy Jeff." (The tall man raises his hand in silent greeting, his mouth a tight line.) "We want to show him."
Colby chortles. "Yeah, of course." He gestures unnecessarily towards the rack right next to his counter, the rack of independently drawn comics by local artists that Troy and Abed often stand near just to stare at it for inordinate amounts of time. They each grab one of Jeff's long arms and pull him over to face the rack, gesturing with identical flourishes.
"Ta-da!" sings Troy proudly.
Jeff is nonplussed. "It's a bunch of comic books. That I've never even heard of."
"Second row down, fourth from the left," Abed instructs.
Jeff rolls his eyes before directing them to the comic that Abed has specified and reading aloud, "Kickpuncher: the co-mic…" he trails off.
"Written by Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir," Troy recites.
"Drawn by Jim Mahfood," adds Abed.
Jeff raises his eyebrows. "Please tell me this isn't another excuse to draw Annie and Britta making out in their underwear. Not that I didn't enjoy it the first time, but if they find out…" He actually looks a little nervous.
"No, man," whines Troy. "Britta's seen it. This one's a real comic book. It's for sale here."
Jeff looks up at Colby, who's been watching them in amusement, with his eyebrows still raised. "Do people actually buy this?"
Colby nods. "I've sold about fifty copies."
"And only thirty-five of those were to us," Abed declares.
Jeff's gaze is wandering over the rest of the rack. "Is that Pierce as a superhero?"
Abed nods. "He hired someone to draw it a few years ago. That's what gave us our idea. You're in it, you know. See? Right there."
Colby snaps his fingers, startling Jeff. "That's where I know you from! You're Homo-tron!" Jeff shoots a murderous look at Colby and Colby mutters, "Sorry," but can't wipe the smile completely from his face. "Your forehead's much smaller in person," he tries.
Jeff lets out a tense breath and steps towards Colby, pulling out his wallet. "I'll buy every copy you have and pay you double not to restock."
"Sold," says Colby delightedly. "Hey, for an extra ten you can borrow my lighter and the trash can out in the alley."
"Done."
"Jee-eeeeff," says Troy beseechingly. He starts to flutter his eyelids and contort his mouth. It looks vaguely like he's having a stroke.
Jeff turns back to Colby with a disturbed look. "And a copy of Kickpuncher," he adds grudgingly, then calls over his shoulder, "if Troy promises to never try to make that face again!"
"Deal!" says Troy, and turns to Abed for their special handshake before they go deeper into the store to check out the new offerings. Colby can hear Troy's voice as the two retreat, "How come it works when Annie does it?"
Colby's ringing Jeff up when Jeff asks, in a low voice, "Have fifteen other people really bought their comic book?"
"Ten," Colby confesses. "Jim bought five."
Jeff screws up his face. "Is it any good?"
Colby cranes his neck to see if Troy and Abed can hear him. "It's pretty funny, you know, in the good way," he says fairly. "It's no Spider-Man, but if they're your friends, it's worth a read."
"You like Spider-Man?" Jeff regards Colby.
"Best superhero ever, man."
Jeff smiles for the first time. "A man after my own heart."
The payment complete, Colby plunks a stack of copies of Pierce Hawthorne: Wiping Up Evil on the counter in front of Jeff. "You gonna read it first?"
"You mentioned a lighter?"
Colby reaches into his pocket and hands his Zippo to Jeff, who flicks it open expertly.
"Nice," he says. "Thanks."
But before Jeff can pick up his new purchases and take them out the back door for a bonfire, Colby hears, from the doorway, a voice very much like one he hasn't heard in years and hasn't thought about in quite some time either. "Guys, can I have my fiancé back now?"
Jeff grins towards the door. "You just love saying that word."
"Don't pretend you're not saying it to yourself every chance you get to be alone," counters the pretty brunette walking towards him. "Our bathroom door isn't as thick as you think it is."
"That's because I'm trying to learn to say it without laughing so you won't hit me," Jeff protests, but he looks caught.
"Mm-hmm," hums the woman knowingly. They kiss.
"Colby!" Troy exclaims from behind them. He and Abed have emerged from the shelves, holding life-sized cardboard cut-outs of Spider-Man and Batman. "We should totally get these made for our comic!"
"Of who, yourselves? That's not creepy or something that Pierce would do at all," Jeff says scornfully, but the young woman at his side is looking at Colby like she's seen a ghost.
"Colby?" she says wonderingly. Her eyes are wide and a familiar sparkling, clear blue, and suddenly Colby realizes why her voice sounded so familiar. And maybe he's psychic, or was when he was younger and on drugs, because if this is the butterfly that came out of the acne-riddled chrysalis Colby once knew as Annie Edison, his brief unrequited love for her suddenly makes a lot of sense.
"Whoa, Annie!" he says in delight. "You look great! How the hell are you?"
"I'm good," she responds, sounding stunned. "How are you?"
"I'm awesome!"
Abed's voice cuts in. "You two know each other? How?"
"Oh good," Jeff groans, "more of this." Annie's gaze darts sideways towards him and her expression softens.
"What's with you?" Troy asks him, but it's Annie who answers.
"Jeff met Mr. Harding today. It…didn't go so well." She puts a hand on Jeff's back and rubs little circles on it. Colby remembers when she used to do that while she was hugging him.
"Can we get back on topic?" Abed interrupts. "How do Annie and Colby know each other?"
Annie looks at Colby, apparently at some kind of a loss for words, so Colby answers for her. "Arapahoe House."
Jeff looks at him sharply. "Wait, rehab?"
"Nice," breathes Abed.
A cold panic washes over Colby. "Oh, god." He looks at Annie. "Did they not know?"
"No! I mean, yes! " exclaims Annie. "I mean…they knew, they've always known. God, Colby. I can't believe it's you. And you work here? And you know Troy and Abed?"
"Actually I own the place," says Colby as modestly as he can, but Annie still squeals.
"Oh my god, Colby!" She bounces a little and Jeff puts a hand to the ear nearest her, wincing. "That's great! Good for you!"
"Man, it's really good to see you," Colby says, and he's a little surprised by how much he means it. "I should have e-mailed you forever ago."
Annie shrugs and doesn't look angry, but she doesn't tell him she understands or try to rationalize his neglect for him, which makes Colby suspect that nine years and a bit has dulled the pain of what was back then probably a crushing blow.
"So did you say you two are getting married?" Colby looks between Jeff and Annie.
"Wait, who's Mr. Harding?" Troy looks confused, clearly having been trying to place the name in his mind since Annie mentioned it.
Annie rolls her eyes and it's so much like the very different-looking Annie that Colby got to know the week before she disappeared from his life that he wants to leap across the counter and squeeze her. "Our history teacher, Troy. He got me into rehab, remember?"
Troy still doesn't look totally clear. "The dude with the mole?"
"No, that was our algebra teacher! Mr. Harding was younger--"
"I'll say," mutters Jeff. Annie shoots him a look that Colby can't read.
"What happened?" Abed wants to know.
"It was nothing," Annie demurs, but Jeff isn't having it.
"You want to know what happened, Abed?" he says rhetorically with his eyes on Annie.
Abed answers anyway. "Yes."
Jeff doesn't pause or look away from Annie. "Annie's favorite teacher, the guy I've been hearing about for the last six freaking years, essentially called me a deviant upon meeting me because I'm a little too close to his own age for the guy's comfort."
Abed looks uncomfortable. "Oh."
"We handled it, guys, it wasn't that big of a deal," Annie tries again, but Jeff is on a roll. Colby suspects from the quickly built momentum that this has been coming for a while now, and that Jeff's own distorted image staring evilly back at him from the cover of the comic books on the counter between them isn't helping to pacify him.
"Annie, when are you going to learn that just because you keep acting like it's not a big deal doesn't mean everyone else is going to act that way? I can't be the only one getting a little tired of being judged by everyone you ever knew before you started at Greendale."
"It was one teacher!" Annie cries.
"I haven't even gotten to that Andy guy at the restaurant--"
"Who?" demands Troy.
"My ex-boyfriend, Troy!" Annie says in exasperation. "He was there the night Jeff proposed. We just told you this story at lunch."
"Wait," Colby breaks in, "the ex-boyfriend from high school? That guy?"
Annie nods and Jeff challenges, "How do you know about him?"
"Colby and I were in rehab together, Jeff," Annie reminds him. "We had group therapy together. There was a time when we knew a lot about each other."
Jeff's addressing Colby again and he doesn't look happy. "How much?"
Colby laughs, then realizes this is the wrong choice when Jeff's eyes grow harder, and he corrects, "No, not like that! I was only sixteen and I was still half messed-up, man."
"Not to mention I had acne and that horrible hair--"
"It wasn't so bad!"
"My point," Jeff grits out, "about a thousand years ago, was that the ex-boyfriend may not have said anything, but he was thinking along the same lines as that Harding guy."
Annie folds her arms. "How could you possibly know that, Jeff? He was perfectly nice to you!"
"Annie--" Jeff starts loudly before appearing to remember that they were in the company of three other people, one of whom Jeff doesn't know very well. But Annie's looking at him expectantly, so he tries to calm down and speak rationally, which Colby can already tell is the wrong tack to take and probably won't last long. "Listen. You're the younger one here, so you don't notice as much, because you're not the one getting the looks."
"What looks?"
"The looks that say I'm some perverted old man taking advantage of the wide-eyed twenty-something!"
"I'm not wide-eyed," says Annie, stung.
"You are," says Abed helpfully. "If we're talking literally."
Annie continues without acknowledging this. "And you think I don't get looks from your buddies at the firm? They look at me like I'm some gold-digging hussy like all of their girlfriends! That guy Kyle's girlfriend keeps trying to get me to tell her where I got my boob job!"
"Oh yeah," Jeff says scathingly. "Life is so hard when you'll always be known as the young, pretty one in the relationship and have every guy you've ever met leaping to defend you from the predator who's just trying to get you in the sack, completely omitting the fact that we've been together for over six years, so I'm the one who's had plenty of time to realize how absolutely insane you are."
Annie doesn't seem to have a response to this yet, so Jeff turns back to Colby, both his hands on the counter and his back hunched over a little, so he does indeed look like a predator preparing to strike at this moment (and a little bit like Homo-tron). There's fire in his eyes. "So Colby," Jeff spits out, "why don't you tell us exactly what your opinion of Annie's engagement to me is? Please, don't hold back!"
There are perhaps ten seconds of silence, in which Colby glances around at the four gathered in his shop. Troy is hiding behind the Spider-Man cut-out with only the top half of his face and his fingers gripping around Spider-Man's biceps visible. His eyes are darting back and forth between Annie and he looks stiff with fright. Abed is also frozen, mostly expressionless, but with his head tilted to a degree that Colby has come to recognize as a sign that he is extremely interested in the proceedings. He's got his arm around the Batman cut-out like the two are old friends. Jeff is still in his same position, and Annie is watching Jeff, her arms still folded and her expression wounded but defiant.
"I think it's cool," says Colby. Annie jerks her head to look at him.
"What?" rasps Jeff, not believing him.
Colby shrugs. "I don't give a damn how old you are. All I care about is that you like Spider-Man, and Annie likes you. Right now I do think maybe you've got some rage issues, but Annie doesn't seem to mind, and she's cool. I trust her," he finishes simply.
Jeff's looking at him like he doesn't know what to make of him. The look on Annie's face, however…Colby hasn't been the recipient of this much grateful adoration since the day Annie was given her award at Arapahoe. He takes a moment to memorize her face and save up the sight for a rainy day.
Then Colby adds, remembering their presence, "And if you're a friend of Troy and Abed's you've got to be all right."
"Huzzah," Troy whispers shakily from behind Spider-Man.
Annie moves around the counter to give Colby a tight, heartfelt hug, which he returns. Just before they break apart, one of her hands rubs a tiny circle on his back, just like he remembers. When they're done, she walks another neat path around the counter back to Jeff and smacks him on the chest, hard.
"Sorry," he mumbles.
Annie raises an eyebrow.
Jeff groans and turns to Colby. "Sorry, man."
Colby only shrugs. "Yeah."
Jeff turns back to Annie, who looks marginally satisfied, which Jeff seems to take as permission to kiss her. From the way she responds, it appears that actually is how she intended it.
Behind them, Troy is finally emerging from behind his cardboard shield. Abed looks even more satisfied than Annie.
"I was waiting for that," he says to Troy, "but I didn't think we'd actually get to see it. Cool."
"You couldn't have warned me?" hisses Troy back, still looking at Jeff and Annie warily as if he's afraid they're about to become a four-armed, two-headed monster that will attack at any given moment.
The two break apart, though, and Jeff looks at Colby. "So…is this a bad time to ask where that trash can is?" He holds up Colby's Zippo, still clutched in his hand.
Annie narrows her eyes and says, "What now?" Jeff wordlessly holds up the copy of Pierce's comic book at the top of the stack. Her face clears, though the corners of her mouth are twitching. "Fine. But I'm coming with you. After last time, there is no way I'm trusting you alone with fire."
"Well, I still don't trust you with chloroform, so I guess we're even," breezes Jeff, and he picks up the stack of comic books and heads toward the back of the store after a gesture from Colby.
Annie hangs back for a minute to stifle her giggles. "Oh my god," she says quietly to Colby, eyes shining with mirth. "Please tell me those aren't the only copies."
Colby scoffs and grins. "They were, but I took one off the stack for you while you guys were making out." He flashes her the cover and she bounces on the soles of her feet a little in glee. Annie rolls the comic carefully and slips it into her purse before the two start to follow Jeff, Troy, and Abed to the back entrance to the alley. "So…" Colby speculates out loud, "chloroform?"
Next: Chapter 4A.