[Private]
Violence and heartache. On the one hand, it makes me sick with worry. I can handle myself fine in the event of an attack, but if I was attacked while I was with Mina If anything happened to her
I won't think about that.
I'm glad Tom isn't openly out. I'd be worried to death that something would happen to him. He's just the sort of person that people like that would go after because he's just the sort of person who doesn't seem like he could defend himself physically.
And Nate.
I don't even know if I should try again with someone so soon, if ever. I don't even know where things stand with Tom. And I can't even tell Nate why I would need time if I ever needed to ask for it. It just felt so good to ... talk to another guy like that so openly in public without having to worry about how we appeared to everyone else. I miss that. I miss it with Tom. I miss it with anyone.
I still love Tom. I don't know if he still loves me. I think he does. Under all the fear and whatever residual problems he has from the lake, I think he does. I hope he does. But if I'm just imagining it, I'm wasting time that I could spend healing. Am I holding onto this too hard? Or am I just impatient because now there's someone there who might have some of the things I want in a relationship?
It's times like this that I pray so hard, my knees hurt. It's so soothing to pour out my soul to Him. It's one of the few times I've felt at peace these last few days. But it doesn't last long.
I feel sick and now the sun is rising. I don't think I'll go to classes today.
I won't think about that.
I'm glad Tom isn't openly out. I'd be worried to death that something would happen to him. He's just the sort of person that people like that would go after because he's just the sort of person who doesn't seem like he could defend himself physically.
And Nate.
I don't even know if I should try again with someone so soon, if ever. I don't even know where things stand with Tom. And I can't even tell Nate why I would need time if I ever needed to ask for it. It just felt so good to ... talk to another guy like that so openly in public without having to worry about how we appeared to everyone else. I miss that. I miss it with Tom. I miss it with anyone.
I still love Tom. I don't know if he still loves me. I think he does. Under all the fear and whatever residual problems he has from the lake, I think he does. I hope he does. But if I'm just imagining it, I'm wasting time that I could spend healing. Am I holding onto this too hard? Or am I just impatient because now there's someone there who might have some of the things I want in a relationship?
It's times like this that I pray so hard, my knees hurt. It's so soothing to pour out my soul to Him. It's one of the few times I've felt at peace these last few days. But it doesn't last long.
I feel sick and now the sun is rising. I don't think I'll go to classes today.