No energy for a snappy title. My bad.
Do you know the feeling where there are a million different threads inside you at once, and it feels like they've all twisted up into something that could become a knot if you pull it the wrong way?
I feel like I'm faltering at a time when I should be charging.
I feel like I'm on the brink of a large anger.
I feel like I'm sort of standing on uneven ground.
I've got all these different truths, and they're all floating around and bumping into one another. They're all right, they're all significant, but they're all disorganized, just kind of stumbling around and ending up meaning less than what they're worth.
There's so much I want to do. There's so much I want to focus on, but nothing's letting me do that right now. By the end of the week, I'll feel like a stronger woman if I haven't broken down crying from feeling forlorn. Why am I even feeling forlorn, anyway? There's nothing going wrong in my life. Nothing at a sharp gradient, anyway, that I can't deal with slowly and practically.
I want to write, but it takes time I have a hard time fitting it in. I want to read-- oh, crap, I'm supposed to be reading The Things They Carried or something right now-- I want to sit down and decode Johnny Truant's mother's code, I want to sit down and puzzle out the untranslated French poem because I feel like I could do it. I want to take up robotics. I want to kick ass at art. I want to focus on art until my fingers cross and my eyes fall out. I want to dance like everyone's watching. I want to blow some money and take up photography. I want to make plushies out of socks to give to my friends. I want to bake a cake.
It's like having your spirit drawn and quartered by about a million Shetland ponies.
CRAP.
I've officially been listening to too much indie music.
That's what's wrong with me.
Gah.
Anyway, on with the show.
I've officially decided on my three pieces of art for governor's school!
1) a digital character sketch of a .hack OC. [Of course, the judges don't have to know it's a .hack OC... heheheh.] I may put this up on my dA sometime in the near future. Not that anyone pays attention to my dA anyway. [I have two watchers. I know them both outside of dA.]
2) a pencil drawing of a parrot... made out of pencils! Yeah, it's...complex, colorful, and the quality is pretty good. If I could scan it, I would, but what are the chances? If I manage to get the money to blow on a good camera, maybe I'll try and take a picture and see how it comes out.
3) a pencil drawing of a "modern minotaur" kind of thing. I blame the inspiration on minotaurs and Shadow of the Colossus. I'm gradually becoming more proud of it-- I'm technically still working on it-- but it's interesting, at least.
I still have to get all three pieces matted, and I have until Saturday.
Which is when I present them to judges.
Oh boy.
I've done some research and info-collecting and plot-plotting for the DMC/SH fanfiction that's been rolling around on the back-burners lately. The first part seems to be relatively done, although I'm chomping at the bit to do some art for it. Let's see if Skies can draw anything remotely scary! :D
Still, I'm reluctant to give anything the interior stamp of approval. I've never written horror before, and I'm not an avid reader of it... I mean, I've read some top-notch Stephen King, and Michael Crichton can get pretty scary, to say nothing about House of Leaves-- that book has made me afraid of the dark again. [Totally can't read it at night.]
But I'm trying to research some horror writing techniques. Tried, as in haven't done it yet because French II has incredible expectations I'm still striving to meet with time to spare... [We'z learnin' 'bout aminals! 8D ]
[I feel a silly sense of relief that Nobody says he's sort of interested. That's enough to keep me trying!]
[Thank goodness for capitalization, or I would feel so pathetic right now.]
You know, with all this hype about governor's school rattling around and throwing off my internal balance, I'm conveniently forgetting about Valentine's Day.
It helps that I haven't set foot in a store for about... a week?
The first thing you see when you walk into Wal-Mart: a giant floating heart that says: "EMBRACE THE ONES YOU LOVE MY BRAINLESS SHEEPLE SUBJECTS"
Personally, on the way home from the interview on Saturday, I'm going to stop at a depressing little grocery store, buy the rattiest bouquet of flowers and a tub of chocolate ice cream-- both for myself-- and fall asleep on the couch watching The Princess Bride at three in the morning.
My ex wants back with me. I'm comfortable as friends, so it's not going to happen.
I wish he'd hurry up and graduate so he could forget and move on. [This is what happens to nice girls in crappy little towns-- the majority of the rest of the female population are snappish, take-charge virginity-trigger-happys: a relatively nice guy finds a nice girl, and thinks she's the bee's knees when he's had a bunch of bad relationships. And when the nice girl reveals her true colors as an awkward, slightly cynical half-lesbian, not-so-closet-anime fan, does he take the hint and run? No. He stays, because he has vision into the future of about three frickin' feet. My bangs are growing long, I have to blow them out of my face like Elliot when I rant. So sad.]
BLAH.
I'm not sure how I feel about Valentine's Day. It's always been an awkward or depressing day for me. I'm frankly quite relieved I'll be busy that day, so I don't have to be at home where people know my phone number.
Wait, why am I complaining? Things could be horrible, but they're not.
Now I'm all pumped up to go work on that DMC/SH thing.
XD
I feel like I'm faltering at a time when I should be charging.
I feel like I'm on the brink of a large anger.
I feel like I'm sort of standing on uneven ground.
I've got all these different truths, and they're all floating around and bumping into one another. They're all right, they're all significant, but they're all disorganized, just kind of stumbling around and ending up meaning less than what they're worth.
There's so much I want to do. There's so much I want to focus on, but nothing's letting me do that right now. By the end of the week, I'll feel like a stronger woman if I haven't broken down crying from feeling forlorn. Why am I even feeling forlorn, anyway? There's nothing going wrong in my life. Nothing at a sharp gradient, anyway, that I can't deal with slowly and practically.
I want to write, but it takes time I have a hard time fitting it in. I want to read-- oh, crap, I'm supposed to be reading The Things They Carried or something right now-- I want to sit down and decode Johnny Truant's mother's code, I want to sit down and puzzle out the untranslated French poem because I feel like I could do it. I want to take up robotics. I want to kick ass at art. I want to focus on art until my fingers cross and my eyes fall out. I want to dance like everyone's watching. I want to blow some money and take up photography. I want to make plushies out of socks to give to my friends. I want to bake a cake.
It's like having your spirit drawn and quartered by about a million Shetland ponies.
CRAP.
I've officially been listening to too much indie music.
That's what's wrong with me.
Gah.
Anyway, on with the show.
I've officially decided on my three pieces of art for governor's school!
1) a digital character sketch of a .hack OC. [Of course, the judges don't have to know it's a .hack OC... heheheh.] I may put this up on my dA sometime in the near future. Not that anyone pays attention to my dA anyway. [I have two watchers. I know them both outside of dA.]
2) a pencil drawing of a parrot... made out of pencils! Yeah, it's...complex, colorful, and the quality is pretty good. If I could scan it, I would, but what are the chances? If I manage to get the money to blow on a good camera, maybe I'll try and take a picture and see how it comes out.
3) a pencil drawing of a "modern minotaur" kind of thing. I blame the inspiration on minotaurs and Shadow of the Colossus. I'm gradually becoming more proud of it-- I'm technically still working on it-- but it's interesting, at least.
I still have to get all three pieces matted, and I have until Saturday.
Which is when I present them to judges.
Oh boy.
I've done some research and info-collecting and plot-plotting for the DMC/SH fanfiction that's been rolling around on the back-burners lately. The first part seems to be relatively done, although I'm chomping at the bit to do some art for it. Let's see if Skies can draw anything remotely scary! :D
Still, I'm reluctant to give anything the interior stamp of approval. I've never written horror before, and I'm not an avid reader of it... I mean, I've read some top-notch Stephen King, and Michael Crichton can get pretty scary, to say nothing about House of Leaves-- that book has made me afraid of the dark again. [Totally can't read it at night.]
But I'm trying to research some horror writing techniques. Tried, as in haven't done it yet because French II has incredible expectations I'm still striving to meet with time to spare... [We'z learnin' 'bout aminals! 8D ]
[I feel a silly sense of relief that Nobody says he's sort of interested. That's enough to keep me trying!]
[Thank goodness for capitalization, or I would feel so pathetic right now.]
You know, with all this hype about governor's school rattling around and throwing off my internal balance, I'm conveniently forgetting about Valentine's Day.
It helps that I haven't set foot in a store for about... a week?
The first thing you see when you walk into Wal-Mart: a giant floating heart that says: "EMBRACE THE ONES YOU LOVE MY BRAINLESS SHEEPLE SUBJECTS"
Personally, on the way home from the interview on Saturday, I'm going to stop at a depressing little grocery store, buy the rattiest bouquet of flowers and a tub of chocolate ice cream-- both for myself-- and fall asleep on the couch watching The Princess Bride at three in the morning.
My ex wants back with me. I'm comfortable as friends, so it's not going to happen.
I wish he'd hurry up and graduate so he could forget and move on. [This is what happens to nice girls in crappy little towns-- the majority of the rest of the female population are snappish, take-charge virginity-trigger-happys: a relatively nice guy finds a nice girl, and thinks she's the bee's knees when he's had a bunch of bad relationships. And when the nice girl reveals her true colors as an awkward, slightly cynical half-lesbian, not-so-closet-anime fan, does he take the hint and run? No. He stays, because he has vision into the future of about three frickin' feet. My bangs are growing long, I have to blow them out of my face like Elliot when I rant. So sad.]
BLAH.
I'm not sure how I feel about Valentine's Day. It's always been an awkward or depressing day for me. I'm frankly quite relieved I'll be busy that day, so I don't have to be at home where people know my phone number.
Wait, why am I complaining? Things could be horrible, but they're not.
Now I'm all pumped up to go work on that DMC/SH thing.
XD