The List

Apr 16, 2005 22:56


1.      Eye color?::  Brown

2.      Hair color?::  Brown

3.      Height?::  5’11”

4.      Favorite food?::  Pizza

5.      Favorite junk food?::  Cheese-its

6.      Favorite band?::  As of right now I’ve been listening to a lot of Jaco Pastorius. Although I suppose that’s not necessarily a band, per se. Goblin, maybe?

7.      Favorite movie?::  Well, it’s actually an interesting question. Let’s see, purely on a cinematic merit, there are several…

8.      Just answer the question, please::  Oh… uh, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, I guess.

9.      Pets?::  Well, I did until recently. The family dog of 13 years died last month.

10.  Did you cry?::  What? Uh, well I don’t really…

11.  Did you weep into your mother’s arms?::  Hey! What the hell’s going on here?

12.  Did you cry like the little fucking faggot you are?::  What the fuck?!

13.  Answer the question, Shane.:: How do you know my name?

14.  ANSWER THE QUESTION!::  I don’t have to answer a goddam thing!

15.  Don’t you fucking try me asshole! You have no idea how fucking crazy I am! (the list the proceeds to remove its gun from a holster under his left arm and advance Shane)::  Oh my god! HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME! HE’S GOT A…

16.  I swear to god you scream one more time and I’ll blow your fucking dick off! (the list cocks his gun and points it at Shane’s groin)::  (Shane mutters cautiously and stares wide-eyed at the gun trained directly at his bathing suit area) oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck…

17.  Now how about it?:: (crying) What?

18.  ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME? (the List jabs its gun into Shane’s temple causing him to yelp with fear and pain) ‘Cause I swear to god if you’re gonna gimme the dumb card all night I can end this shit right now!::  (Shane, his voice quivering with fear, tries in slow, deliberate lines to reassure the list)  Listen, neither of us needs this. Now, believe me, I am by no means, nor even capable at this time of “fucking with” anyone…

19.  DON’T YOU FUCKING CONDECEND TO ME! (the list gives the barrel of the gun even more pressure against Shane’s temple, causing his head to tilt sideways)::  (Shane continues with renewed caution) NO! I’m j-just t-trying to…

20.  ANSWER the QUESTION!::  WHAT QUESTION!

21.  (the list aims blindly at Shane’s foot and, with one deft shot, blows three of his toes off)::  (Shane collapses onto the ground, the gun’s hollow report still bouncing through the room. He knows real pain for the first time in his life lying on that floor. A searing agony pulsates at a million waves per second all through his body as he looks with a fevered, almost insane disbelief towards the smoking, crescent moon-shaped lump of flesh dangling at the end of his leg and the scattered makeup of his foot decorating a spreading, reddish puddle. The lingering boom fades into a distant whine which buzzes through his head. He can’t hear. He can’t think. He can’t breathe.) ack… guh… uhhuh… m-muh-muh-muh AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

22.  (Cold stars of pain rocket Shane’s head as the butt of the list’s gun is brought down with a frank crack against his forehead leaving an extending jagged tear which spurts crimson jets into a crisscross pattern on the floor.) The QUESTION! DID YOU or did you NOT cry when your dog died?::  (Shane writhes and mumbles on the ground, unable to lift his head) uhhhhhhhhh….

23.  (The list grips a handful of Shane’s blood-matted hair and proceeds to ask again, punctuating each syllable with a sickly thwacking noise as Shane’s head is beaten into the ground) DID-YOU-CRY-WHEN-YOUR-DOG-DIED?::  (Shane screams his reply in hopes the list might stop.) NOOOOOOOOOOO!

24.  WHY NOT? (the list asked, pressing Shane’s face flush to the ground.)::  I don’t know, I guess I just felt sort of empty!

25.  Goooooood,(says the list standing up. He blows a clump of Shane’s hair from his fist and lights a cigarette) Now were gettin’ somewhere. (The list kicks Shane in the stomach and goes to a chair at the far end of the room. He sits strattling its back and trains his gun on Shane.) Here’s where things get interesting. I’m gonna ask you some questions and for every wrong answer you give me, Mr. Magnum here will give the right one. (the list holds up his gun for elucidation) Is that clear?::  Yes. (says Shane vapidly)

26.  See, there’s one question in the bag already. This is gonna be easy. Okay, next one. What is your favorite holiday?::  Christmas

27.  What is your favorite flavor?::  Orange

28.  Do you drink?::  No.

29.  Do you do drugs?::  No.

30.  Favorite book?::  Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

31.  Really?::  Yes.

32.  Okay, uhhhh... (the list looks to the ceiling) Oh yeah! Umm, what is your favorite, uh, TV show::  Mystery Science Theater 3000

33.  (Chuckling) Oh yeah, that’s a funny one. (the list puts his hands and his hips and chews at the corners of his mouth) Uh…well, I guess that’s about it. Thanks. (the list walks though the door but never forgets the few intimate moments he spent with Shane)::  (dying) ugh…
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